Scared Out of My Shorts- CHECK!

About five weeks ago I had to go to my surgeon's office for an un-fill. I was having horrible reflux issues (ie. stomach contents coming back up and choking me during the night). It was just awful!!! I didn't get any sleep for about three nights. It turned out that I was swollen shut and I had to be un-filled completely. During the fluoroscope, the surgeon noticed that my esophagus was unusually enlarged. It was SO large in fact, he told me that if the esophageal cells remained that enlarged, they would become aplastic- a fancy word for cancerous. In an effort to reduce the swelling and return my esophagus back to normal, I was given a round of steroids and told to come back in two weeks.

SO- three weeks ago I went back in for my recheck. Esophagus looked a little better, still not back to normal. Only put 2ccs back in which gave me NO restriction. I was told I needed to wait another two weeks before putting any more fluids in. Oh- and by the way, my cardiac hernia is back. F-A-N-T-A-S-T-I-C. What does this mean? I may need to have another surgery to correct my hernia. Okay, okay. Whatever I need to do. Not my first choice, but lets get this band a-rock'in! I feel like out of the 17 months I've had this sucker, I've only had about 7 months of "good" restriction. Other than that, I've been too full and had to be drained due to swelling. That's my routine! I swell shut after a fill and that's all she wrote.

I am anxiously awaiting my appointment for this Tuesday. My husband plans to go with me to hear if/why I need surgery. It helps for the surgeon to explain why we'll be dropping another $5,000+ on our out-of-pocket expenses this year. Joy!

So why am I scared?

Weeeeeeeeeelllll.... in the meantime, I have been experiencing some not so nice symptoms. It's been about a month, but I have off and on spells of all over body chills and itching. I occasionally have what I describe as a "racoon face"- flushing all over my face but not around my eyes, in a mask like fashion. Sometimes the itching is so intense it actually reduces me to tears. I feel like a mental patient constantly digging at myself. Then, I will have two to three days of no itching at all.

My general practitioner prescribed an antihistamine and another round of steroids to combat my body's inflammation. He said we may never know what caused my allergic reaction, but the medicine should take care of it.

It didn't.

I continue to have flushing, dizzy spells, itching, burning up and chills. I have even started having bad night-sweats where I wake-up during the night and can't even move because I am stuck to the sheets I am so wet! So I went to the doctor again today.

He wants me to take another round of steroids and he drew some blood. All of my symptoms sound like Lymphoma, so I have been nervous. My doctor stuck his nose up to my Lymphoma theory and acted kind of aloof. He wouldn't give me any ideas as to what is going on with me. He was about to leave the room, and I blurted out, "Could I be allergic to my band!?". He looked down at the floor, shook his head and very sheepishly said, "Yes. I didn't want to go there, but that is where I am afraid this is heading".

ARE YOU SERIOUS!?!?!?

I am beside myself with the fear of the possibility of losing my band. I called my mother to tell her what the doctor's theory was and she calmly said, "Awwwwww, Honey, look on the bright side. You've had over a year to develop new habits and strategies. You'll be just fine. You don't need that crutch. Ask yourself, why do you need that crutch?".

I HATED HER AT THAT MOMENT. Crutch!?

If I have changed so much over the past year+, why have I gained 20+ pounds over the past two months!?

I am trying so hard not to worry about the possible outcome, but I am constantly reminded of my potential allergy with every single spine tingling chill that moves over my body every couple of minutes. I am pale, sweaty and feel sick.

I never thought that for a split second I would ever wish I had Lymphoma.