Wednesday, December 1, 2010
I have found a cure everyone! ;)
When you feel like overeating, even if you already have the food in hand, turn on some "spa music". Seriously! It's REALLY hard to binge while listening to calming music. The need to shovel "it" in seems to dissolve.
Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out....
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
- craving sweets/sliders (ice cream!)
- frequent vomiting
- and a horribly uncomfortable pinching sensation around my stomach that prevents me from sleeping/moving/eating comfortably (similar to the feeling I had right after my surgery when my stomach was swollen)
This probably was the result of a stomach bug I had about a week ago. All the vomiting made for one angry stomach and band. :(
I go back in in about two weeks to put some fluid back in. Maybe this will help me stop my adaptive eating and get me over this darn plateau!
Monday, November 22, 2010
I've been having some pinching pain lately that hasn't gone away for a few days, so I figured it's time to go in and see the people who don't care about what they're doing. Here is my conversation with the receptionist (whom I don't know at all because there is a new one every time I go/call):
Dr. E's office: (mumbled, barely intelligible) Surgical Specialists
Me: Hi, my name is Lynn Magoober (no, not really), and I need to see someone about some pain I am having. I have the Lapband.
Dr. E's office: Hold please.
(Ten minutes passes. Yes, ten minutes.)
Dr. E's office: Ma'am? You need to schedule a fill, right?
Me: NO, I've been having some pain.
Dr. E's: Well, we aren't here on Thursday or Friday this week.
Me: I realize this isn't a good week to try to get in, I'm sorry about that. It's just I've been putting off this pain or a while, and it's not going away. (I am SO sorry that I hurt, I should have put this off until AFTER the holiday! Geesh. Sorry to inconvenience you.)
Dr. E's: Mumble, mumble, mumble.... 11:40 tomorrow?
Me: Thank you, that would be great.
Dr. E's: (annoyed) 'Scuse me, you didn't give me your name.
AHHHHHH!!!!! I HATE, HATE, HATE that office! I don't know what to do.
I SO wish I could find an office that actually cared about their patients/business. I feel like I am part of a meat market.
Friday, November 19, 2010
It seems like I have done a bit of blogging, okay a LOT of blogging, lately about my consumption of ice cream. It has become my crutch during my moments of weakness. I seem to blog during those moments making it appear as though I sit around eating ice cream all day.
I haven't been very diligent about blogging all of my good news. Why? I don't know really. I need to be blogging about all of the miles I am running. All of the healthy choice victories. About a pound lost here or there. But, I just feel like my life is SO darn boring. The thought about logging in to report that I ran two miles tonight, ate well that day, or lost a pound seems like news that I SHOULD be reported daily. BUT, alas, I am lazy.
It seems that I only blog about things that I do wrong, or when I am feeling scared along my journey, and that is not fair. It's not fair to me, because I am not giving myself positive credit and reinforcement, and it's not fair to all of the newbies or "wannabes" (used nicely!).
I will try to blog more about all the great things in my life, because there are many. For instance, the nature preserve near my house that I have NEVER brought my boys to because the fear of having to hike has steered me clear, is no longer a fear. Instead of avoiding it, I keep reminding myself that I need to take them so we can hit the trails!
Another wrinkle- I am NOT ashamed of being banded- at all. The reason that I have wanted to keep it hush-hush is not only because my husband's family is sickeningly judgmental, but because I fear all the extra pressure from others. I place so much pressure on myself, and I fear that having another set of people in my life who feel a need to constantly ask, "So, how much have you lost so far?" "How much have you lost since I last saw you?" "How much do you weigh?".
In an effort to avoid awkwardness, I have chosen to keep my banding a secret from most of the people in my life. My closest friends and immediate family all know, and of course all of you!
But, to reiterate, I do not think the band is shameful in any way, whatsoever. I am proud of all of you and I am certainly proud of myself.
Thank you- ALL OF YOU- for following me and supporting me on my journey. I appreciate all of your comments, whether they are the smack in the face that I need, or fluffy, I read them all and take all to heart. If I didn't have this outlet, I wouldn't be where I am today- happier and healthier.
Well, here is my story:
I was prescribed Ambien months ago for a bad bought of insomnia. Since then, I have only taken it a small number of times. The other night I was SO tired and the fear of laying in bed not being able to fall asleep until 4:00 in the morning convinced me to take an Ambien.
I took a WHOLE pill and headed downstairs to watch a movie until I was feeling tired. I sat down with a pint of Ben & Jerry's (I had good girl plans...) and settled into the couch. Within five minutes, the actors and actresses in the movie had four eyes. Feeling content with just the top layer of my ice cream being gone, I headed for bed.
The next morning, I laid in bed confused about what had happened the night before. My husband told me that I had called him to say that I was going to bed and that I sounded completely coherent. I don't remember calling him, at. all. Then it dawned on me... I don't remember putting the ice cream away! I concluded the rest of my precious pint was left on the coffee table, melted, and spread all over the couches and carpet by our dog.
After getting ready for church, I was running out the door and did a quick check- nope, no ice cream left out. Oh good, I must HAVE put it in the freezer.
Fast forward several hours.....
Later that afternoon I was thinking about sneaking a spoon full of my tasty nemesis, and headed for the freezer. Uh-oh, the ice cream wasn't in there. I checked the fridge just in case in my drunken stupor I was confused- nope, not in there either. What on earth!!?? Feeling defeated and confused, I headed over to the trash. Yup, the container was in there. I had eaten the WHOLE thing and didn't even know it!
That's okay, I have another one in the freezer. Or do I? Where did that one go? I can't find that one either. NO. NOOOOOOO. Tell me it isn't possible. In complete denial, I headed for the trash again. Sure enough- TWO containers of B&Js lay in the trash can. COMPLETELY cleaned out and empty.
I had managed to sit GOD knows where and down TWO WHOLE pints of ice cream without even knowing it! That just isn't fair.
Then the realization of how bad the situation could have been kicked in. I was home alone with my boys. What, if in my Ruffie like state, I thought I could drive for some reason and stuck them in the car... what if I had inflicted bodily harm in some other way... what if.... what if....? Uh, I can't even think about it.
From now on, only HALF a pill for me and my husband is going to handcuff me to the bed!
Oh! and one more thing... after sitting at 225 lbs for a FIVE month long plateau, I am finally at 222 again. But being sick for the past three days has definitely had something to do with that, so I can sheepishly take credit. I am just glad I am finally moving in the right direction!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
My doctor prescribed me an inhaler, but an inhaler has never worked for me in the past. He said that I may not be able to run outdoors again until the warmer weather. Seriously!?
I have just gotten to the point where I am really hitting my stride and enjoying running. I HATE exercising inside, I absolutely despise it- it's boring and painful for me.
Have any of you dealt with asthma issues? Have you found something that works for you?
I am thinking about running with a scarf over my mouth to help warm and moisten the air. I have to figure something out to counteract my recent ice-cream splurges! :/
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Now, this neighbor has been trying to lose weight and has been struggling lately. But, I still wasn't sure where she was going.
THEN- she dropped the bomb. She proceeded to say, "Well, I know what you had done, and I am thinking about getting it done also, but I had some questions".
GASP :0 ! I tried to play dumb, but internally I started to panic.
I have kept my banding a "secret" for over a year, and I had intended on keeping it that way. But, when you put your story out here in cyber-space, nothing is private anymore. Even though I blog with my middle name, she was able to find me while researching the band.
Now- two things:
1. I can be a total biatch and make her feel bad.
2. I can support her, now that she knows.
I plan on choosing #2. But, I am feeling so disappointed today. I have to be honest. And neighbor, if you are reading this, please don't be upset. Just know, like I said before, it's so hard to share without feeling like you have some anonymity.
If you went on the evening news and told the World about my banding, I would be shocked and horrified. But, the truth is, this is my life. Just little old me. And after the World found out, they would quickly forget and go about their normal business.
I just can't help but feel that those who aren't struggling (or who have never struggled) might not understand my choice. After all, how hard is it to put the food down and move our asses!? Right!?
Just because I have the band does not mean I purchased a "get out of jail free" card for $25,000. What it means is that I reached the end of my rope and that I needed a tool to get me pointed in the right direction. A compass of sorts- that's it- my band is my compass. I can choose to use it and go in the right direction, or I can shove it in my pocket and go South.
Upon finding out, my other neighbors might be judgmental, or feel as though I cheated in some way and that the glory of weight loss isn't mine to hold high. The neighbor who found out has promised to respect my privacy 100%, and I really respect her for that. She is a good person, and I trust in her that she will do the right thing.
The cats out of the bag folks... running freely. What a small, small World we live in.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
So- I have been thinking. I know, dangerous. I've been thinking about my body and any excess skin I might have once I reach my goal weight.
I remember watching The Biggest Loser a few seasons ago and there was a young girl about my age that lost around the same I have to lose. I noticed that when she had lost her weight she didn't have any "visible" excess skin. Her arms were nice, toned and tight looking. I pinned my hopes on her arms being nice because her skin bounced back well due to her age.
I am quickly learning age has NOTHING to do with it. After examining my legs closely the other night, I noticed that I have wrinkling skin right at the nook of my knee bend. Not a good sign.
I am one of those people you would consider- um.... how do I say this... "proportional", meaning that when I gain, I gain EVERYWHERE. Not just my tummy or my rear, even my elbows store fat.
The girl from Biggest Loser was what most would consider an "apple". She stored most of her weight around her mid-section leaving her arms and legs relatively unscathed by her obesity. SO, when she lost weight, her excess skin was around her mid-section that was well hidden and her legs and arms looked fantastic!
That is NOT going to be me. I am going to have half the Atlantic Ocean worth of waves and ripples going down my legs and my arms are going to occupy a different altitude than my head. Weight loss is one of those times that it pays to be an apple or pear, but not proportional.
With that said... I know it is SO much better to have that extra skin all flabby and floppy than it to be stretched to maximum capacity with fat, but still. After working so hard, I may have to consider some plastic surgery, something that I would never have wanted to think about before. O'well.
A whole new perspective on body shape, huh!?
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Okay, this seriously happened. I was driving home with my boys this morning from my oldest's soccer practice. I happened to look to my right and guess who was sitting at the red light next to me!?
The ice cream nazi!!! Seriously.
She smiled and waved, rolled down her window and asked, "see you later today?".
I replied, "No, I don't like you anymore!".
It sounded harsh, but I was just kidding. Well, kind of. ;)
I told her that I can only come once a week and that I had to start limiting myself. So, knowing her, she'll hold me accountable. You can always count on the ice cream nazis!!!
Thursday, September 23, 2010
If you haven't read my last post, go read that now and then come back to this one.
Ahhhhhh...... the ice cream. I decided to heed all of your excellent advice and treat myself once a week to a small portion of my favorite goody. The ice cream I love comes in three sizes: mini, regular and jumbo.
Fast forward to this evening- my husband wanted to grab dinner real quick, and after-wards he wanted ice cream. So on we went. I decided that I would start my once weekly treat tonight and therefore not allow myself to go back before next Thursday.
Guy at ice cream counter -"What can I get for you?"
Me- "One mini mint chocolate chip concrete please"
Ice cream Nazi in the background- "What!? Only a mini? Not a jumbo?"
Me- (Trying to cover my a$$ in front of my husband) "No, I don't have my boys with me tonight, it's just me eating it" (which is the truth, but still!)
Ice cream Nazi- "One mini mint chocolate chip concrete!"
Ice cream Nazi- "See you tomorrow!"
No she did-ent.
Just shoot me.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
a. I went to my favorite ice cream shop today.
b. The lady spouted out my order before I could
c. She said, "We'll see you tomorrow afternoon!"
Yup, bad sign. Very, very bad sign.
I WILL NOT go tomorrow afternoon. Or tomorrow morning or tomorrow evening for that matter. I WILL NOT. I WILL NOT. I WILL NOT.
I am making a promise to you all, because I don't normally keep promises to myself.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
I am a stay at home Mommy. I have two young boys. I get up with them around 7:00am and they finally fall asleep around 9:30pm. I get up anywhere between 1-4 times a night with the boys for various reasons: potty, thirsty, nightmares, sick...etc.
I do not have the luxury of coming home "from work" to relax. EVER. My job never ends.
I swear, if my husband dares to drop the "You do it, I just got home from work, I'm tired" line on me ONE MORE TIME I am going to:
a. shave off ALL his hair- ALL of it
b. draw up divorce papers
c. hit him on the head with a frying pan
d. blow something up
Dear GOD, help me, I think I might burst!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
My life has been pretty boring lately- same'old, same'old.
I haven't been to see my doctor in about six months, so I am thinking it might be time to schedule an appt. I just HATE going into my surgeon's office! I wait in the waiting room for an hour or more, then I wait in the exam room for another 45 minutes and then they talk with me for a grand total of 5 minutes! So, after spending almost two whole hours to tell them I am fine, I kind of leave feeling like I won't ever go back.
Amy has said that one of the most important parts of this journey, and a bandster's success, falls greatly on your relationship with your surgeon. I wholeheartedly agree with her about this. I need to call up my surgeon's office and ask who their biggest competitor is. Then, I will call that competitor and schedule an appointment to see THEM! :) Just a thought. Hmmmmm, I may really do that. Oh! And what REALLY gets me is when I get my EOB, I find out that they charged me for a 99214 which is a COMPLETE exam including history for $550!!! Really? A 99214 for 5 minutes of your time? Someone needs to alert BCBS, because they are getting ripped off!
I really have nothing exciting to report, so I am going to sign off for now and go to bed. I promise when there is something wonderfully exciting that happens, you will all be the first to know!
Hope you are all doing great!
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Yesterday was the 28th- my very first bandiversary. I had a wonderful post planned but was struck down yesterday morning by a debilitating migraine. After being in bed for more than 26 hours, I am finally sitting down at my computer to write this post.
It's amazing to think that it has already been a year since I was banded. Although I find it easy to feel a sense of disappointment in the fact that I have lost "only" 67 pounds, it's comforting to know that I did not GAIN 10...15...20+ pounds over the course of the year.
I am officially a size 16, again. When I was pushing a size 26, I swore I would be elated to be a size 18 again for the rest of my life. But, alas, it is hard to find happiness when one is looking for happiness in all of the wrong places. My goal for this next year is to concentrate solely on eating well and working on fitness. I am hoping that I can let go of scale numbers and pant sizes long enough to concentrate on what really matters.
Over this past year, a few things have changed. Here is a list of some things that have impacted my life for the better, in no particular order:
- I no longer worry about being able to keep up with my children.
- I sleep better.
- I can run 2-3 miles instead of just 2-3 sidewalk squares.
- Physical activities don't scare me any longer.
- I don't exhaust myself in the morning just getting dressed.
- I don't think people are staring at me anymore.
- People look me in the eyes rather than staring at me.
- I no longer think about driving through drive-thrus all day long.
- When I do go through a drive-thru, I can only eat a VERY small portion of what I used to.
- My intimate life has gotten better (my husband agrees).
- I no longer worry about what I am going to wear (okay, that's a lie- but I worry a whole heck less than I used to!).
- My small shower has gotten larger!
- I can cross my legs comfortably.
- I can try on clothes now and actually feel happy about what fits.
- Along with better self-esteem I have gained a TON of self assertiveness. So don't mess with me! ;)
- I don't worry about fitting into a chair- or breaking it!
- Men flirt with me again. This has been hard to get used to. I often think some of my weight gain was to act as a shield from male attention.
- My whole family eats better and exercises more now.
Here's to another successful year in Bandland! Cheers!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Food addiction is characterized by compulsive eating and an obsession with weight and body image. Persons with a food addiction display an obsession with, and craving for, food and eating, a preoccupation with finding sources of food associated with pleasure and comfort, a compulsive cycle of eating, and the lack of an ability to stop abusing food.
I seem to be back to all of my old tricks. I lay in bed at night and think about my plans for the following day. There seems to be a trend.... get boys ready for the day, go to the mall, EAT OUT YAY!, come home for naps, EAT OUT YAY!, put kids to bed.
My excitement as a stay-at-home Mom centers around going out to eat. That is the highlight of my life right now, and it frustrates the HELL out of me! It has been almost a year since my banding, and it will be a cold day in HADES before I would opt to have my band removed one day. I am still a very SICK food addict. Now, granted I can't eat much at these outings, but the point is, that I LIVE for them. As soon as my kiddos go down for their naps, I look forward to going downstairs, sitting in front of the TV and eating a snack- usually a not so healthy one. I crave just "zoning out". Things are so stressful in my life right now that I am constantly escaping.
Have any of you kicked the food addiction behavior?
Friday, July 30, 2010
Just in case you were wondering. I am living proof at the moment that lap-bands are not a quick, instant, easy fix. I have been at the same weight for a while now. Why? Well, simply put I am eating C. R. A. P.
I need to do a MAJOR reality check of my diet lately. I have discovered that I am skipping meals because I don't feel hungry- not on purpose, just really busy. So, what do I fill my poor little stomach with in between? Soda and cookies. Seriously. Soda and cookies!?
While I am out I grab a Dr. Pepper. When I pass the pantry I grab a chocolate chip cookie. Don't have the cookies!!! DUR-DA-DUR. I know this. I really do. But, up until lately, one cookie here or there has worked for me, I haven't had a problem. But the past few days, I have been in denial.
So, today I will start eating RIGHT again. For lunch I will have some veggies and protein. And for all of you who are thinking about being banded, make sure you realize that the band is NOT the end-all, be-all. You will have to WORK it!!! But it will be worth the hard work.
Here's to some major a$$ whooping.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
About three weeks ago I discussed the possibility, with my husband, of purchasing a bracelet as a "reward system" for me. What I mean by that is, for every 10 pounds I lose, I get to buy a new charm/bead. AND, since I have already lost 65 pounds, I get to start off with 6 beads!
"Isn't being healthy enough!?"
Yes, of course! But, I loved the idea of visually seeing where I came from and where I NEVER want to go back!
He okay-ed my purchase once he bought his new BMW M3!!! So, since we are financially destitute, might as well buy a bracelet! ;)
5 more pounds and I get to add one more.
So, for your viewing pleasure, here is my current masterpiece! :)
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
This morning I saw 229.0. PRAISE THE LORD!
My running is finally paying off.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Did I happen to mention I ran 2.5 miles?
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
I have been running every evening, and it feels dang awesome I must say! After running in the evening for the past few weeks, I decided to finally "clock" the distance using my car. I was hoping to build up to running a mile- it's been a while!
To my amazement, I found out that I have been running 1 to 2 miles and didn't even realize it! I am so stoked about that. It feels so good to turn on the old mp3 player and go running with my new puppy. The best part is the fact that my belly and badunkadunk don't hold me back anymore. I don't seem to suffer from the bounce back effect anymore which is nice.
My family and I just got back from a trip to PA to visit with a sick relative. While I was there, all of my husband's family kept expressing their shock over my change. The last time they saw me I was close to 300 pounds. My sister-in-law later apologized for saying something. Apparently I turned red when she said something and assumed she upset me. HOWEVER, in Kate's words, the truth of the matter is that I need to learn to take a compliment and I still feel like I have so much further to go. SOOOOO, it's hard for me to just smile and take the credit.
Maybe I can make that my next NSV- hearing I look good without turning bright red.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Due to your abundantly clear decision to continue to punish me on a daily basis, I have decided that I have no other choice but to wage a full out war on you.
I have exercised every day for the past two and a half weeks, without fail, for 30-45 minutes a day. What more do you want from me!?
I will no longer wrestle with, attempt peace treaties with, strategize against or hope to tame you.
You have gone too far in your attempts to derail me.
I am a warrior.
This is war.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
We went to the mall today, and like always, my boys wanted to ride the carousel. I bought our tickets and placed my purse in the stationary seat - where I ALWAYS sit - and helped my boys get on their horses.
I haven't ridden a carousel in YEARS. My oldest turned four back in January and I have never ridden with him. Besides the stares I was always avoiding, I was afraid the darn horse wouldn't be able to go up and down, resulting in a major mechanical blowout with tons of black smoke which would cause everyone to head for the exits screaming with mass panic thinking that a terrorist was present. That and my big'ole behind wouldn't fit in the molded saddle.
But today was different. After strapping my boys in place, I looked at the horse suspended between them and without hesitating, hopped right on! Yippee! My boys were so excited and let me tell you, I had an absolute blast!
I am looking forward to going again soon. Oh, and my behind fit just fine. A small child could have fit behind me!
Friday, June 4, 2010
I guess he thinks that overweight people are "strong" and "tough". He has NEVER used the words big or fat- because I haven't taught those to him- so he has defaulted to the only way he knows how to describe what he sees.
Today at the mall a very overweight woman walked by and my son hollered, "Look at that lady Mommy! She's super tough!". I hope that she didn't hear him, oh how I hope.
Now, my son has also referred to me in the past as being "tough". After he pointed out the passerby, I asked him, "Is Mommy a tough lady?" and he said "No". Hallelujah! My four year old no longer things I'm large compared to the "normal" world.
I have always been worried about being an embarrassment to my boys when they were old enough to understand. Thank GOD I am traveling down a different path.
What's up with the title of this post you ask? Well, last night while my two year old enjoyed swinging at the playground, he screamed out "Hi poo-poo guy!". Who had he screamed at? No other than an African-American boy playing on the other side of the playground. I WAS MORTIFIED. It was the perfect time to make sure he is aware of the fact that there are differences between all people. *SIGH*
Kids say the darnedest things.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
First of all, it has finally happened. And actually, it happened twice! I have had TWO people tell me in the past week that I look S K I N N Y!!! One of those people was my mother-in-law.
Now, I am by no means skinny, but the fact that my neighbor called me a "skinny b*tch" kind of made my day, you know!? Moving along...
My best friend Kate was here for a visit a few weeks ago and we thoroughly enjoyed our time together. What was so wonderful about this particular visit was the fact that it was the first time - that I can remember - that we didn't eat from the second we were together until the second we parted. She has been my binging buddy for over 20 years now, and instead of eating junk we actually exercised!!! We both LOST weight while she was visiting. There is a first for everything. Praise the LORD.
And speaking of firsts, my parents just left after a four day visit and I got to experience something entirely new to me. My mother has always been the, "Do you really need that?" "Put that back Honey, you've had enough" type, but I was amazed to hear her constantly telling me, "You need to eat something Honey" "Here, please eat this...". Wow, what a 180.
AND- I have TONS of NSVs lately- my husband took a picture of my two sisters and me and I DON'T look MORBIDLY OBESE! I am so excited about that picture. I no longer stick out like a sore thumb.
I have been exercising like crazy, having a new puppy helps keep me motivated. I have to walk her, sometimes twice a day, in order for all of us to keep our sanity! I have also been busting my butt on the elliptical machine.
Now for my favorite NSV EVER (so far!)- my husband told me last night, while we celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary, that making "boom, boom" has been wonderful lately. He said that I was looking great.
Have I mentioned that I love my band?
I will post some pictures later today.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
They have shrunken quite a bit and I have been left with some loosey-gooseys unfortunately.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
We went out for dinner and enjoyed a hibatchi meal- the kind cooked right in front of you. I ate about two scallops, two spoonfuls of rice, one piece of zucchini, 2 small shrimp and called it quits! I couldn't help but reminisce about that last time that my husband and I had eaten at this Japanese restaurant... I watched as the chef served everyone at the table making sure that I didn't get any less than everyone else there... it had to be fair. However, tonight I watched as he served me hoping that he wouldn't give me anymore! Big difference.
It's nice to go to bed on my birthday knowing that I didn't pack away a 5,000 calorie meal just because I could.
Friday, April 30, 2010
My husband does not.
We had a dog before our boys were even born, but through a series of circumstances, we ended up re-homing him. We re-homed him, not because he wasn't wanted, but because he wasn't getting what he needed any longer since I had an infant attached to my boobies 24/7! I would take him back in a heartbeat- I miss him like crazy.
I have started thinking about adopting another dog since my boys are now at an age where I feel I actually have the capacity to love another living thing. My boys both want a dog, I want a dog, but my husband is totally against the idea. All he thinks about is hair, stink, vet. bills, and just another expense. When I think of a dog, I think of love, loyalty, fun...etc. We are on totally different sides of the coin here, and I just don't know what to do! I don't know how to convince my husband of how badly I want another dog.
This is Nani- she needs a new forever home and I want her!
Oh yeah, I have eaten WAY too much today and feel like a total failure. It's amazing what stress can do.
UPDATE: NANI WAS AN ABSOLUTE NIGHTMARE ONCE WE MET HER! THE PEOPLE I SPOKE WITH ON THE PHONE MADE HER SOUND PERFECT FOR OUR FAMILY, BUT SHE WAS HORRIBLE!!! She mauled my boys- it was bad.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Yesterday I went into Belks to try to find a new pair of pants because I have ONE pair of size 18 jeans that I wear.... every.... single.... day. I wash them in between wearings of course, but still, the situation was just sad.
I hopped on the escalator and started my venture to the "Women's" section hidden in the back right corner. I couldn't find any size 18 jeans or capris and was totally bummed out. THEN it hit me. Size 18? Hmmmmm, I bet they have size 18s downstairs. Happy as a clam I marched my hiney down to the "Normal Ladies" department to purchase a pair of pants NOT in the plus section for the very first time since I was in high school. My current size 18s are getting loose so I grabbed a pair of 16s JUST IN CASE.
Bad idea. Not only did the 16s not fit- not even close- but the 18s were T I G H T. But...but....they are an 18?!?!? What on earth is going on!?!? Ahhhhh, yes. Then I remembered that size 18s are not all created equal. A size 18 from the Ladies' department was not the same as a size 18 from the Women's department. I refused to be defeated and squeezed my size 18W butt into the regular size 18 and bought those suckers. AND, just for good measure, I threw in an XL polo shirt from Izod. I am looking forward to being firmly planted in the Ladies department.
Now for your viewing pleasure, just to support the fact that I will never learn, all my take-out boxes from the past week. I keep ordering as if I can actually eat! (There are four boxes there just in case you can't tell.)
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
I couldn't even eat half of one taco. THANK YOU BAND. (Bless her heart, she still doesn't have a name.)
I LOVE MY BAND.
When will I learn!!!!????
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Friday, April 9, 2010
The title of this post sounds like a cheesy infomercial that you might hear at 2:00am in the morning, something you might see highlighted and large on the front cover of STAR magazine, something you might expect printed/promised on a bottle of the latest diet pill.
I have actually lost 14 pounds in the past 20 days. I guess when my doctor told me that I would lose quickly after I got some restriction back, he was telling me the truth! I must say though, I am only able to consume 400-800 calories a day, so this is definitely going to catch up to me and bite me in my big'ole behind eventually. The reason I am consuming so few calories is because I am literally NOT hungry. Quite the contrary. I usually feel full all day long so I make an effort to drink plenty of water and squeeze a few protein shakes in. Now, I don't think I am too tight, because I can eat and it normally stays down just fine. I've just been extremely busy, and food is far from my thoughts for once in my life!
In addition to the scale moving, I have noticed a few new NSVs that I am going to mention for documentation purposes. I have noticed that in addition to collar and hip bones, I now have ribs. When I lay flat on my back, my belly sinks in and my ribs pop out. AWESOME. My husband laughed at me the other night when I shouted out, "I have ribs!". Another big one is my two year old can now wrap his legs around me when I hold him without me feeling like I am inducing a forced split! Poor guy, he is probably one of the most flexible little boys around. Another one is the fact that I can not only sit at ANY booth comfortably, but I can now cross my legs under the table! :) Oh, and I can't forget the fact that I am continually surprised by my own reflection when I catch a glimpse of my body in a glass door.
When I started this journey seven months ago, it was so hard for me to imagine wearing an XL top and a size 18 jeans again, but here I am. I am LOVING my band.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Unlike my past candy bar post, this post is about a seemingly healthy, super-yummo snack/meal. Have you heard about VitaTops and VitaMuffins yet? They are SO good. One of my close friends buys the vitamix and makes her own muffins, it's much cheaper that way. BUT, my grocery store didn't carry the mix, only the VitaTops, which can be found in the frozen section.
Each muffin top contains 100 calories, 1.5g fat, 6g fiber & 3g protein. Not too shabby, huh?
You have to store them in the freezer, as they are preservative free. This is a good thing, because you can thaw only one at a time, thus reducing the urge to overindulge. I actually had one for lunch- two hours ago- and I still feel super content.
Monday, April 5, 2010
FINALLY 50 pounds down. I have been waiting for this milestone for quite a while. The lap-band journey has been an interesting, motivating, inspiring but sometimes difficult journey. I am looking forward to what my future has in store, which is refreshing.
Friday, April 2, 2010
My friend and I went out for dinner the other night, and she was acting really weird. She kept telling me she was worried about me because I wasn't eating anything. Skip to about four hours later, and after she told me she was afraid that my bulimia had started up again- I felt it was time to tell her. So I did. Spilling the beans to her was super anti-climatic. She was very understanding and was happy that I had made a decision to better my health. Really? That's it? That's it. Why didn't I tell her a long time ago? I felt a little stupid.
While going out to the movies with my neighbor (who had promised to keep my secret exactly that- I shared with her because she too had WLS) and her sister the other night, I realized that people knowing isn't entirely in my control. I found out she told her sister when she nonchalantly started talking about my band. WHAT? Then, when the SAME neighbor introduced me to her daughter who was visiting, she introduced me as, "This is Lynn, she has the lap-band". Seriously. She did that. I don't think it gets much more rude. To top it all off, when I kindly asked her to stop sharing my information, this was her response, "Oh, I would never tell anyone, that's your business, not mine." Did this lady fall and hit her head on a rock? Or do I just no longer understand the English language?
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Sometimes I blog about the most boring and ridiculous stuff, but when my life is full of craziness- I don't feel like blogging. It's just weird.
So, because this blog is supposed to be a documentation of my journey, I am going to list a few things going on with me right now. Okay? Okay. So, here it goes:
- My husband and I had to fire one of his employees yesterday. It sucked. Bad.
- I had a fill of 4 ccs two Fridays ago to prime my band once again and to end my insane eating.
- I gained 5 pounds in two weeks before my fills returned.
- I had a fill of 2 ccs last Friday and have lost 7 pounds since Saturday. Hopefully there will be no plateau for me anytime soon.
- We bought a wooden playset for my boys- I am so excited! Now, if we could just decide on who gets to put it together for us.
- My boys have had the privilege to attend a wonderful private preschool over the past two weeks. But, their last day is Friday and I feel just awful that we can't afford to allow them to keep attending.
- I am going to cry on the boys' last day of school. They love it there, and I LOVE their teachers! But more so, I LOVE what going to school has done for my boys. It's been a wonderful experience all around.
- My husband is addicted to a "retarded" game on the computer called World of Warcraft. Embarrassing, but that's something going on.
- My husband neglects the boys and me a bit to fulfill his WOW fix. It's irritating.
- I run away from life by eating- he runs away by playing his game.
- I AM WEARING A SIZE 18 AGAIN!!!! This is a good one, let me tell 'ya.
- I bought myself some new undies yesterday.
- Oh, oh! Yeah, I almost forgot- I got some new Spring/Summer tops and they were a size XL! Not 3x, or 2x or 1x, but just plain 'ole XL.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Saturday, March 13, 2010
My band has returned. I met with the FNP today at my surgeon's office and she helped mediate a compromise for the two of us. My band decided to return to her post with a whopping 4 ccs- 2.5 for the prime and 1.5 for restriction. I am so relieved!
I felt a difference immediately and hope to be back on track by next week's fill. I learned a few things this past week and a half:
- I appear incapable of restraining myself (without the band) when it comes to food.
- My stomach actually shrunk- a lot. I could barely eat "normal" portions. I was so excited to once again eat pizza and placed two whole slices on my plate settling in for a major chow down. Surprise! I could only eat half a slice.
- I gained BACK 8 pounds in 1.5 weeks! 8 pounds. My body must have been starving for those extra calories.
- My insomnia returned along with my fierce temper, hot flashes and irritability. It's amazing what eating yucky foods (ie. foods that are NOT band friendly) can do to your overall health and state of well-being.
- It is so important to take better care of myself- see bullet above.
- I don't ever want to be without the band again and plan on treating her with extreme caution and with a great degree of care.
- It only takes 1.5 weeks to go from a size 18 back up to a 20. (Don't try this at home.)
- All the foods that I have been "missing" over the past six months were SO not worth eating again. NOTHING came close to tasting as good as losing weight feels. As a matter of fact, I am totally grossed out by how disgusting all of my past favorite foods now taste. I need to make sure I remember this one.
- The past six months has actually changed my mentality quite a bit. Instead of constantly dreaming about my next meal, I found myself forgetting to eat and not worrying about food. It was great.
FYI- "Remember Me" with Rob Pattinson is an excellent movie. It's a definite must see.
Friday, March 12, 2010
The Importance of Multivitamin Supplementation Following Bariatric Surgery
In a peer-reviewed article entitled “Nutritional Deficiencies following Bariatric Surgery: What have we learned?”, Richard Bloomberg, MD of the Mount Sinai School of Medicine, and his team study the importance of nutritional supplements following bariatric surgery. Research shows that following bariatric surgical procedures, vitamin and nutrient deficiencies are common. A close examination of these deficiencies after weight loss surgery shows that supplements should be a standard post-operative element so that potential nutritional complications will be minimized .
Roux-en-Y gastric bypass (RYGBP), biliopancreatic diversion with duodenal switch (BPD-DS), and biliopancreatic diversion without duodenal switch (BPD) are three commonly performed bariatric surgeries. These surgical interventions work by reducing the size of the stomach (restriction) and preventing the absorption of food in the gastrointestinal tract (malabsorption).
While bariatric surgery results in significant weight loss, the malabsroptive nature of the operation can severely compromise the ability of the body to absorb vital nutrients, such as protein and iron, causing nutritional deficiencies. Restrictive techniques, such as gastric banding or sleeve gastrectomy, are less likely to cause nutritional deficiencies comparing to malabsorptive techniques. This is because restrictive procedures do not directly affect food absorption in the small intestine. If a deficiency occurs after a restrictive procedure, this is usually the result of food intolerance or the tendency of the patient to avoid certain nutrient-rich foods postoperatively. This article focuses on the effect of malabsorptive procedures (RYGBP, BPD-DS and BPD) on the absortion of protein, iron, vitamin B12, folate, calcium, vitamin D, thiamine and fat-soluble vitamins.
Protein deficiency after bariatric surgery has been well documented. This is most likely the result of bypassing of the small intestine where protein is absorbed in the body. Protein deficiency occurs usually in BPD and BPD-DS surgeries. A study done by Marceau et al  found that there was a high incidence of protein deficiency after BPD and BPD-DS surgeries with 11% of patients having serum albumin levels lower than 3.5 g/dL. The normal serum albumin levels for adults are 3.5-5.0g/dL. In another study, 3.7% of patients who underwent BPD needed to be re-hospitalized because of the severe protein deficiency they presented. Dietetic counseling and increased protein intake aided in preventing further recurrences of the deficiency.
Iron deficiency can occur in both restrictive and malabsorptive operations. In the case of malabsorptive procedures, iron deficiency results from the fact that the duodenum and proximal jejunum (the part of the small intestine right after the stomach) is bypassed. Iron deficiency has been shown to increase in RYGBP patients during the first 5 years postoperatively . Other studies however, such as the one by Rabkin, who studied BPD-DS patients, have found that iron levels were normal over a period of 3 years .
Vitamin B12 and Folate Deficiency
Bariatric surgery usually affects the absorption of vitamin B12 and folate. B12 is absorbed in the terminal ileum, the portion of the small intestine the stomach is connected to in the BPD procedure. Almost one third of all patients studied by Halverson and colleagues were deficient in B12 and two thirds were deficient in folate, one year after gastric bypass . It is noteworthy that patients can present deficiency in these two nutrients even if their vitamin levels are normal preoperatively. Studies have shown that regular supplementation with B12 and folate after the surgery can prevent deficiency of these two vitamins.
Vitamin D And Calcium Deficiency
Vitamin D is absorbed in the jejunum and ileum, while calcium is absorbed in the duodenum and proximal jejunum. Since bariatric operations result in bypassing of these segments of the small intestine, vitamin D and calcium deficiencies are a common phenomenon in weight loss surgery patients. Calcium deficiency can lead to potential bone loss and increase the long-term risk of osteoporosis. In fact, some retrospective studies have shown evidence of postoperative metabolic bone disease. Calcium and vitamin D deficiency rates can be as high as 50% , and while many morbidly obese patients already suffer a lack of these nutrients pre-operatively, the deficiency is exacerbated after the surgery. Often, supplementation may not be enough to correct low calcium and abnormal vitamin D levels. A study of BPD patients by Slater et al showed significant deficiencies in calcium and vitamin D, despite supplementation .
Thiamine (Vitamin B1) Deficiency
The deficiency of this vitamin is relatively rare. Studies have shown that thiamine deficiency occurs in only 1 every 5800 bariatric patients . Treatment with thiamine (intravenously or intravascularly) resolves the deficiency as quickly as one day and no more than four months after the surgery.
Other Fat-Soluble Vitamin Deficiencies
Levels of Vitamin A were found to be low in 61% of patients undergoing BPD with or without duodenal switch, despite the fact that 4 out of 5 patients were compliant with vitamin supplementation.
Vitamin E deficiency is uncommon and occurs after malabsorptive operations, usually BPD. Patients who receive multivitamin supplementation can effectively sustain normal levels of vitamin E after the surgery. A study by Slater showed that 96% of BPD patients who were taking vitamin supplements had normal levels of vitamin E even 4 years postoperatively.
Vitamin K – Magnesium – Zinc
There has been no substantial evidence to suggest deficiency of vitamin K after surgery.
Magnesium levels do not seem to be significantly affected by bariatric surgery. One study found that magnesium concentration remained normal 4 and 10 years after BPD surgery, while another one found that only 5% of patients had low magnesium levels 2 years after surgery.
Zinc deficiencies have been found in as many as 50% of BPD-DS patients and in only 10.8% of BPD patients. Interestingly, 80% of these patients where taking multivitamins.
Clearly, there is a great deal of clinical research that indicates that vitamin and nutrient deficiencies do occur after bariatric procedures. It is because of this that the use of supplements may be more commonly recommended after the surgeries. Additionally, it seems that more research should be done to investigate the impact of such supplements on the deficiencies and the resolution rates.
1. Bloomberg, RD, Fleishman, A, Nalle, JE, Herron, DM, Kini, S. Nutritional Deficiencies following Bariatric Surgery: What Have We Learned? 2005. Mount Sinai School of Medicine. Obesity Surgery 15: 145-154.
2. Marceau S, Biron S, Lagace M et al. Biliopancreatic diversion, with distal gastrectomy, 250 cm and 50 cm limbs: long-term results. Obes Surg 1995; 5: 302-7.
3. Skroubis G, Sakellaropoulos G, Pouggouras K et al. Comparison of nutritional deficiencies after Roux-en-Y gastric bypass and after biliopancreatic diversion with Roux-en-Y gastric bypass. Obes Surg 2002; 12: 551-8.
4. Rabkin RA, Rabkin JM, Metcalf B et al. Nutritional markers following duodenal switch for morbid obesity. Obes Surg 2004; 14: 84-90.
5. Halverson JD. Micronutrient deficiencies after gastric bypass for morbid obesity. Am Surg 1986; 52: 594-8.
6. Brolin RE, LaMarca LB, Kenler HA et al. Malabsorptive gastric bypass in patients with superobesity. J Gastrointest Surg 2002; 6: 195-203; discussion 4-5.
7. Slater GH, Ren CJ, Siegel N et al. Serum fat-soluble vitamin deficiency and abnormal calcium metabolism after malabsorptive bariatric surgery. J Gastrointest Surg 2004; 8: 48-55; discussion 4-5.
8. Chang CG, Adams-Huet B, Provost DA. Acute postgastric reduction surgery (APGARS) neuropathy. Obes Surg 2004; 14: 182-9.
About the Author
Matt Papa, PhD, has dedicated a great deal of his research time to better understand the elements of bariatric surgery as well as the benefits and complications. He is excited he was given the opportunity to share some scientific facts with the BlubberyBlogger community. In his website he presents research findings and posts practical information on the topic of weight loss surgery, and offers a coupon for Medifast and a coupon code for Nutrisystem.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
She has served me hard and served me bravely over the past six months. She was tired and she was too full. She tried as hard as she could to firmly grasp my stomach, but she was just too tired of trying to hold on while my stomach continued to swell resulting in my inability to keep anything down over the past four days. The ulcerated and painful environment that she was working in was just too much for her to bear. Her gallant efforts resulted in a ten pound weight loss in the past four days, but even for her that was too much.
I am hoping that in two weeks time she will be willing to re-access our situation and once again join me in this battle of the bulge. Maybe this "Band Holiday" is just what the doctor ordered. But until then, to ensure that her working conditions are as satisfactory and as comfortable for her as possible, I will be taking a daily regimen of ibuprofen, steroids and a proton pump inhibitor.
How will I deal with this sudden separation of such a crucial "person" in my life? I am hoping to deal with my pain through exercise and focusing on my health rather than indulging in copious amounts of food to drown my sorrows.
I do hope that she hurries home. I am so scared to be apart from her. So scared.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
So, here I am laying in bed worried about not being able to rinse out my pouch with a full 8 oz of water, when all day yesterday I repeatedly "broke" rules!!! It seems with me that some rules hold more clout than others. I usually drink with meals...I usually eat after a fill...I don't do 24 hours of liquids if I've thrown up...etc. But for some reason, I was so upset about not being able to drink my water last night! Go figure. My THS is in full effect once again. Rules exist for a reason.
So- here is my question for all of you: What one Golden Rule do you ALWAYS try to follow?
Monday, February 22, 2010
As my journey continues, I have been racking up the NSVs (non-scale victory). Unfortunately, as soon as I realize them- they seem to slip my mind. One that has not left me is that fact that I no longer have to move the weight to the 250+ mark on the scale. While at my midwives' office the other day, I had to start off with the weight on 200!!!
Little steps, little steps.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
After struggling ALL day to preserve any bit of control I could muster- I decided to blow it. When my husband got home from work tonight, he teased about wanting McD's. I was ALL over it. Keys in hand I took orders and flew out the door.
I decided on the way there I was going to go all out and splurge big time all the while promising myself tomorrow would be better. It took me about ten minutes to get there and I spent most of that time writing this post- writing a post about how I blew it, how I disgraced myself, how much I ate....etc.
I ordered TWO Mac Wraps for myself and looked forward to sharing my husband's fries. Once I got home I opened the white paper bag of disgusting-ness and dug in. Weeeeeeee-ell, my plans were foiled. After only two or three bites of my wrap I was full. FULL. Two or three bites! FULL.
Reality check- smack in the face. Get a grip Lynn!
I LOVE MY BAND.
Monday, February 8, 2010
The Middle is a hilarious show about a stressed out mother of three struggling to make her job and household work. During the last episode she vowed to never scream at her children again. So, when she got horribly worked up and wanted to scream, she thought, "That's okay, I can handle this. I know just what to do". She proceeded to march straight into the kitchen, opened up the pantry and started squeezing frosting directly into her mouth from the tube. Frosting always made things all better.
After The Middle, I watched The Modern Family (another hilarious show). During that show the mother is upset by her family embarrassing the snot out of her while she was trying to impress a former co-worker. What did she do? She screamed at her family, marched out the door and went straight to a burger joint where she enjoyed a burger and fries. Coincidence? I think not.
We all want to self-medicate from time to time. Like me lately- I have been medicating with candy bars because of our recent money woes. I just wish I could get it through my THS that eating doesn't help with anything expect stretching out my new smaller undies!
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
...Because what I just ate ought to be a crime. Someone Pah-Leeze call all the grocery and drug stores in the state of North Carolina and ask that they no longer carry these. They must be stopped!!!
I just discovered this new little trick that Satan has up his sleeve. Stay away everybody, don't get sucked in! I won't sit here and tell you how wonderfully sinful every-single, delicious, to-die-for bite was. No, no. I wouldn't do that.
Instead, this is a public service announcement: When you see these at the check-out, run and run fast. If you find yourself being lured into a purchase, by the sumptuous whispers of the platinum sparkle of the wrapper, call for help.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
I used to have to lay down and pray just to get those jean capris on! Now, they just fall off. Awesome. I am trying to make myself realize that I have made positive progress on this journey, but it's hard not to get caught up in how much further I have to go.
Thanks again for all of you- my followers. Road trips are no fun without passengers!!!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
I am officially down 40 pounds this morning! I have been waiting for this for a while. I weighed 250 back when my husband was interning for Chiropractic school. He had to use me to get some x-ray credits, and along with the x-ray came a full physical. I was so embarrassed that he was going to find out what I weighed.
When the moment came for me to step on the scale, my husband's "assistant" (another student) and his professor all gathered around. Why? I guess they were all dying to see how big I was. When the number popped up, my husband looked at me and asked, "How is that possible?". I must have turned every shade of red. I thought I would die from embarrassment.
I didn't die. Instead, I managed to pack on another 40 pounds over the course of our marriage. Those 40 pounds are gone now, and I couldn't be more relieved. Oh wait, yes I could. I could be at goal weight. But, that's for another day. But the day WILL come! I am so excited.
Thanks so much for ALL OF YOUR SUPPORT during my journey. This journey would be so much rockier without all of you.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
I am ashamed. I ought to be shot. Tonight I did something that I will forever regret.
My husband has been putting on some weight over the past few months- I'm losing it and he's finding it. He is growing increasingly aware of the situation and is becoming uncomfortable with his pant size. My husband has always been a solid size 34 and has held steady at around 175-180 pounds for as long as I have known him. But, lately his 36s are starting to feel tight and his tummy is starting to dun-lap over. I'll get to the point, I promise.
Because he is uncomfortable, he has delegated me to be the one to "remind" him of his little bulge problem, especially when he requests fast food or ice cream late at night. I have been sure to keep the freezer stocked with Weight Watcher's ice cream bars for him. Soooooooo....this evening he ended up getting a milkshake from a certain "chicken chain".
After a while, I looked over at him and said, "Okay Honey, are you still hungry? Do you really want to finish that? Put it down". THEN....oh, my gosh....THEN I proceeded to reach over to his side of the car and I....I....I jiggled his belly with my hand. (Head being thrown into my hands in disgust)
Oh the horror. Of all the monstrosities I could inflict on my poor husband whom I love to death. I seriously did that. For that moment, for that one little moment in time, I was totally that "person" who jiggles you to show you how fat your are!!!
I have stooped to a new low.
He said he didn't care, but I VOWED TO NEVER DO THAT AGAIN to ANYONE!!! I told him I felt SO bad that I was going to go straight home and eat. ;) At least that provided a laugh to break the tension.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Dear Fellow Bloggers,
I hate to make you aware of this, but I must be honest. I have recently diagnosed myself with a severe case of "Thick Head Syndrome", also known as THS or Dumb Blonde.
My prognosis depends on my ability to get something through my thick skull.
Apparently, I have been in denial regarding my recent weight loss surgery. After struggling with weight loss for at LEAST the last 20 years, it hasn't sunken in that I am actually going to lose weight. Me. I am. Lynn is not going to be "fluffy" forever.
Whenever my husband makes simple comments, such as "When you are down to 170 pounds, you are going to love shopping!", there is a small part of me that wants to smack him! How dare he just assume that it will be so easy to lose all this weight on my own. But then, I realize that I am not doing it alone. Not only do I have all of you, but I have my band!!! Dur.
My husband has faith in my journey, but I keep forgetting what path I am on. I am so used to going down the wrong road, that my THS keeps kicking in.
When is it going to sink in that I AM going to be successful? That I don't have to be this way forever? That I have been equipped with a wonderful tool to help me?
Do any of you suffer from THS?
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
This blubbery blogger is feeling.....well.....blubbery. I hate to admit it, but I am in one heck of a crappy place right now. I can't stop eating left over Christmas cookies, even though I should just put them in the trash instead of treating my body as the trash can.
I just sucked down a LARGE milkshake from Chick-Fil-A, something I NEVER do, and I am feeling pretty darn blue.
Crap. Crap. Crap.
Here wagon, wagon, wagon.