Friday, November 19, 2010

Ironing

I feel like I need to address a few wrinkles. In my last post about downing two pints of ice cream, I completely, totally, 100% take ALL responsibility for having such junk in my freezer. That was definitely my fault. Even though I have the band, I am still overcome by my old urges. It will be a continual task for me, I am sure. But I do realize that I have no business bringing that garbage into my house. I just can't have it in there. Lesson learned. I passed the ice cream section at the grocery store yesterday and I averted my eyes, and held my head high.

It seems like I have done a bit of blogging, okay a LOT of blogging, lately about my consumption of ice cream. It has become my crutch during my moments of weakness. I seem to blog during those moments making it appear as though I sit around eating ice cream all day.

I haven't been very diligent about blogging all of my good news. Why? I don't know really. I need to be blogging about all of the miles I am running. All of the healthy choice victories. About a pound lost here or there. But, I just feel like my life is SO darn boring. The thought about logging in to report that I ran two miles tonight, ate well that day, or lost a pound seems like news that I SHOULD be reported daily. BUT, alas, I am lazy.

It seems that I only blog about things that I do wrong, or when I am feeling scared along my journey, and that is not fair. It's not fair to me, because I am not giving myself positive credit and reinforcement, and it's not fair to all of the newbies or "wannabes" (used nicely!).

I will try to blog more about all the great things in my life, because there are many. For instance, the nature preserve near my house that I have NEVER brought my boys to because the fear of having to hike has steered me clear, is no longer a fear. Instead of avoiding it, I keep reminding myself that I need to take them so we can hit the trails!

Another wrinkle- I am NOT ashamed of being banded- at all. The reason that I have wanted to keep it hush-hush is not only because my husband's family is sickeningly judgmental, but because I fear all the extra pressure from others. I place so much pressure on myself, and I fear that having another set of people in my life who feel a need to constantly ask, "So, how much have you lost so far?" "How much have you lost since I last saw you?" "How much do you weigh?".

In an effort to avoid awkwardness, I have chosen to keep my banding a secret from most of the people in my life. My closest friends and immediate family all know, and of course all of you!

But, to reiterate, I do not think the band is shameful in any way, whatsoever. I am proud of all of you and I am certainly proud of myself.

Thank you- ALL OF YOU- for following me and supporting me on my journey. I appreciate all of your comments, whether they are the smack in the face that I need, or fluffy, I read them all and take all to heart. If I didn't have this outlet, I wouldn't be where I am today- happier and healthier.

7 comments:

Maree said...

I feel the same way about telling people about the band - I 100% believe that the band is necessary for some of us and that there is nothing to be ashamed of, but I'm careful who I "disclose" to because of the judgement and pressure.

Annie said...

You're awesome. I love your honesty- I don't think anyone thinks all you do is eat icecream- you have had an amazing loss so far! I just think you are a funny, funny, funny, funny person, and I love to read your blog.
xoxo
Annie

Kimberly said...

I cannot keep any sort of deserts in my freezer because no matter how hard I try they are always consumed in far larger quantities than I originally planned. So no judgments from me. Changing the person in our heads is always harder than changing the outer shell.

Natalia said...

Hey Lynn! I think that you are doing great. You're right though, you should blog about your successes too. I think it's important for you to be reminded of that progress! Not only that, it serves as inspiration to others!

Keep on keeping on!

Lisa said...

I think you are doing great and you should use your blog to post your feelsings no matter what they are. :)

Emily said...

I like blogs because they are 'real'. you can say how you feel when you are feeling it. if it's all negative I think that is ok as it is how you are feeling at the time you are writing. That doesn't mean you feel like that all the time and you should feel free to write when you are down, stressed or whatever. I think if blogs were all about 'happy' things - they wouldn't be half as interesting and would make you seem as though your life was all perfect (which makes the rest of us feel like we are doing something wrong in a way I think).
You are doing really well - and I love that you have issues with icecream... makes me feel not so alone!! ;o) hehe

I don't talk about weight loss to anyone either (i dont have a band but am doing ww) - I agree with everything you said. :o)

Twiggy said...

I think you're doing great. I enjoy reading your blog, whether it's positive, negative, about ice cream, or void of any mention of frozen treats :). Keep up the good work!