Saturday, July 16, 2011

I'm Back

I'm back, in two ways.

1. Back on my blog.

&

2. Back to my original starting weight.

Thank you to all of you who have written to check-in with me during these past few months. I'm sorry that I haven't been around to be supportive of your journeys.

I have found myself laying in bed late at night writing my next blog post- for the past TWO months. After starting to go up, Up, UP on the scale, I think there has been a part of me that was too embarrassed to get on here and admit failure. After all, I DID have weight-loss surgery. SURGERY! Sigh.

I wake-up EVERY morning vowing to start anew, but go to bed every night BEGGING our glorious LORD to please help me.

Besides my husband deciding to start a new career path, after putting almost 11 years of school into his current career, I really have no sources of new stress. Albeit, my husband's mid-life crisis (apparently he's not going to live past the age of 70) is definitely stressful, I SHOULD be able to manage my life efficiently, incorporating healthy eating and exercising into my schedule. How was THAT for a run-on sentence!?!?

After getting down to an all-time adult-low of 220, I am back up to 285. In less than 8 months! Is that even possible? Back in November, when my band had to be set free for a while, I decided to go on vacation with her. But instead of her returning after only a week away, she stayed away for two months due to my esophagus swelling to a dangerous size. It all went down hill from there. In that time, ALL of my old behaviors came tumbling back.

Around 260 pounds, my foot started hurting pretty badly, grounding me from jogging. Now, at 285, the podiatrist has said that the pads that are between my toes and the connection point to my foot- at the first MP joints- are torn. So, I am stuck in a catch 22. Exercising is extremely painful, so I HAVE to get some of this weight off to finally induce some healing.

My feet hurt. My knees hurt. I have fat rolls where I've never had fat rolls before. I am thoroughly depressed and discouraged. I am hot all of the time. I don't run and play with my boys anymore. I don't fit into cars comfortably. I don't enjoy my husband touching me again. I don't, I don't, I don't.

I need to start living my life again! Last summer, at 220 pounds, I felt like a whole new person! My life was so different in so many ways. If I listed all of the benefits of being at that healthier weight, I would be here at the computer for two weeks.

I have decided to contact a new surgeon on Monday in hopes that he will put some saline into my band (only after being fully informed about my history of course). At this point, I am willing to enlarge my esophagus if that means that I will live past the age of 45!

26 comments:

Linda said...

Lynn- I'm so sorry this is happening to you, but it sounds like you are ready to start again. Keep blogging for support- we're here for you.

Lap Band Gal said...

Hi Lynn, I am so glad you're back. The blogosphere is here to support you in your renewed journey. Thanks for the update and I know that you will move past this and succeed :) HUGS!

The Bat Cave said...

You're strong! You can do it! Even though I don't know you I'm cheering for you and wanting to see you succeed! Keep blogging. Encouragement will be flowing!

~Robin
http://thebatkave.blogspot.com

Kiwigirl said...

Glad you're back. This has been a tough time for you. You CAN do it. You've done it before, you can do it again. Can you try some exercise that won't hurt your foot - like swimming for example? And would it help to talk to a therapist to help you get back on the wagon? I know life is tough for you, but don't give up. You deserve to be happy! Hang in there!

Bandita Senorita said...

I am going through something similar since my total unfill in early February due to some complications. It is really difficult, I know. Keep your chin up! We'll try to support one another.

mamajuliana said...

Hugs to you and keep blogging! All we can do is get back up and try again when we fall. The journey is a tough one-but we are all here for each other online...

frozencream said...

Lynn, keep it you, you have walked the path before, you can do it again. Don't give up. You have been knocked down but now knocked out - So get up strong. I believe you can do it!!
Janet

Sean Anderson said...

Very good to see you back. Lynn--I'm cheering you on every step of the way. You're winning Lynn--evn when you think you're moving in the opposite direction---you're not. This journey is an education for us about us---and the more we learn about ourselves---the greater chance we have of breaking free in so many ways. You're amazing...thank you for sharing.

Catherine55 said...

So great to see you back on here. That's a major step in the right direction already! I'm sorry about the re-gain, but can't wait to read about you taking it off and, of course, twirling and being obnoxiously happy. :) :)

Maybe This Time said...

i hope that returning to blogging will help you reclaim your health and focus. we all wander off the path...good luck with the band, and i look forward to reading your future successes!

Lisa said...

My sweet Lynn, I am sorry, but so proud of you for writing this post! I hope you can get the info you need from a new Dr. Maybe ask him for a revision to a VSG... I know a TON of banders who did this after gaining back the weight.

- Lisa
http://inweighovermyhead.blogspot.com/

Lisa said...

Just wanted to pass along this info in hopes that it will help you talk to the new dr.

http://www.obesityhelp.com/group/failed_lap_bands/

Bec said...

Keep on blogging your successes and failures I find the blogging world an invaluable support system. There are always people that know what you are going through, and it helps when you have others to talk too. Hoping everything comes together soon for you.

bijagirl said...

Oh... you break my heart. If you were strong enough to get to 220 before, you can do it again. I believe in you!!! Keep blogging as that is going to bring you much needed support. And ask for help when you need it. That's what this is for, right??

Angi said...

Hi Lynn,

First off, I'm sending my support your way. It's so difficult to feel like everything is conspiring against your making a change. I've been there.

Now that that's been said, I was wondering if you might think about having a revision to your surgery? I have a friend who's having a similar bit of difficulty with her band and she decided to modify and change over to the bypass (RnY) instead, and yet another who is moving to a Gastric sleeve.

Hopefully, some other alternatives in mind will help you in your endeavor to lose the weight you want to lose.

We're all behind you! You can do it Lynn!!

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Ted said...

You got guts to admit failure.The question is, do you stay down or stand up and move on? Option b sounds good.The road to glory is long,filled with bumps.But in the end, it is worth it.Don't quit.Champs never do.Forget what is behind and keep your eyes on the prize.Life is filled with choices.You are the master of your own destiny.

Kristin50 said...

I know exactly how you feel about the regain. I did the very same thing. The most important part of this is that you recognize it and have begun a new.

We can do this with the support of each other.

I am glad you are back. You will be ok and get there.

Lisa said...

How are you doing? what did the Dr. say?

Only1Golda said...

Hi Lynn-
I was doing some research and came across your blog. You're very brave for sharing your journey. There are plenty people here praying with you so don't give up.

Jump over to facebook and say hi when you're ready, ok?

http://facebook.com/GoldaSmithFans

Jill Duggan Karen Hanover said...

Hello Lynn! Don't lose hope! You will get all of your needed support for you to be back in shape!

Lisa said...

Are things ok? Thinking about you. Please e-mail me or post a comment on my site so I know how you are doing if you don't want to put it here. I hope things are good.

- Lisa
http://inweighovermyhead.blogspot.com/

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Lion's bust said...

a good fitness program and a good weight loss diet plan it's all you need on my opinion. gl everybodey!

lori gallo said...

so sorry you went through all that. but you can only look forward and not back. treat yourself good and your body will respond to it. much luck to you.

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