Wednesday, October 27, 2010

"I Know You Have the Lapband"

I was outside playing with my boys yesterday when a neighbor pulled up. I walked towards her van to greet her and she said there was something that she would like to talk to me about.


Now, this neighbor has been trying to lose weight and has been struggling lately. But, I still wasn't sure where she was going.

THEN- she dropped the bomb. She proceeded to say, "Well, I know what you had done, and I am thinking about getting it done also, but I had some questions".

GASP :0 ! I tried to play dumb, but internally I started to panic.

I have kept my banding a "secret" for over a year, and I had intended on keeping it that way. But, when you put your story out here in cyber-space, nothing is private anymore. Even though I blog with my middle name, she was able to find me while researching the band.

Now- two things:
1. I can be a total biatch and make her feel bad.
2. I can support her, now that she knows.

I plan on choosing #2. But, I am feeling so disappointed today. I have to be honest. And neighbor, if you are reading this, please don't be upset. Just know, like I said before, it's so hard to share without feeling like you have some anonymity.

If you went on the evening news and told the World about my banding, I would be shocked and horrified. But, the truth is, this is my life. Just little old me. And after the World found out, they would quickly forget and go about their normal business.

I just can't help but feel that those who aren't struggling (or who have never struggled) might not understand my choice. After all, how hard is it to put the food down and move our asses!? Right!?

Just because I have the band does not mean I purchased a "get out of jail free" card for $25,000. What it means is that I reached the end of my rope and that I needed a tool to get me pointed in the right direction. A compass of sorts- that's it- my band is my compass. I can choose to use it and go in the right direction, or I can shove it in my pocket and go South.

Upon finding out, my other neighbors might be judgmental, or feel as though I cheated in some way and that the glory of weight loss isn't mine to hold high. The neighbor who found out has promised to respect my privacy 100%, and I really respect her for that. She is a good person, and I trust in her that she will do the right thing.

The cats out of the bag folks... running freely. What a small, small World we live in.


99ToGo said...

I'm glad you've chosen #2, and I REALLY hope your neighbor chooses to leave your private business, private.

That said, those of us who are not banded, (if I shall speak for the bunch) do not feel that a band is taking the easy way out. You still have to choose healthy foods if you want to be healthy, you still have to get off your couch and work out if you want to be fit. For the folks who have never struggled with weight or eating...well I don't know what they think about weight loss surgery. They probably think we former 'hefties' are all wimpy and lazy anyway, right? What's a little band added to the mix?

You're doing so well, and my hope is, your neighbor will see your butt out there running, and want to start doing that too...

tessierose said...

Just think what a wonderful support you can be to each other, this could be a real blessing to have someone close by to share the journey with. Good luck!

Rachel said...

I secretly have this fear. My company covers banding and I fear being discovered on the blogs. Why? I think on the whole, most people perceive weight as a sign of weakness. For this reason, I've only shared my lap band surgery story with a small circle and the blogging community. I know my blog is very anonymous but I'm not ready to come out yet and get a shout out like this one. At least not yet, as I start my journey.

I think you handled it well and that you will make the right decision on how to share with her and be supportive. You just seem like that type of person-"nice and giving".

amandakiska said...

I was outed too and it hurts. Even though we know the internet isn't private, it is easy to feel that we are anonymous here. For what is worth, I think you made the right call by being honest with your neighbor. It sounds like she could use the help and support.

cmoursler said...

I did it without the band because I couldn't abide the idea of being cut open.Period. I have no good or bad impressions of it other than it involves hospitals and doctors and those are two things I want to avoid at all costs. I am sorry you were 'outed' (I feel like I am on Sally Jesse or something) but it might feel a little better to just be up front than trying to 'hide' it.
It's nothing to be ashamed of...and hiding is often a bigger burden than just being upfront and honest. Keep up the good work.

~Lisa~ (Mrs C) said...

I'm glad you've chosen #2 as well. With hopes she will keep her word and the two of you can work together.

Lisa said...

As someone who is about to get surgery, I have no idea why anyone feels they have to keep it a secret. (to each his own) Who cares how someone chose to lose weight? Everyone and their mama knows that I can't wait to get it done. :)

Drazil said...

Wow. I'm sorry that you were outed. I love my anonymity for MANY reasons. But maybe it'll turn out to be a good thing - you never know. Now someone in real life could vent with you or bounce questions off each other.

Dinnerland said...

Wow, that was sort of intrusive of your neighbor-- I don't blame you for feeling jarred... that said: once the cat is out of the bag, I think it is great if you can offer what works for you.

Maybe This Time said...

...there are so many confusing issues to deal with as a bandit. when/where/how/who to come out with is a tough one we all struggle with. but sometimes we just need to live our truth...out loud. and flip the haters & doubters a big bird finger! let em talk...!

amy_joy81 said...

It sounds like you're ashamed of having the lapband... and I'm sorry but that's not good.

I know a lot of people look at it as an easy way out too - people said the same thing to me when I filed bankruptcy a year ago. But what people don't realize is that sometimes we do reach the point where everything else has failed and we need help. To you, the lapband was your asking for help.

I've researched the band - it's not for me. BUT I chose not to do it because it seemed to require MORE work than just diet and exercise - all the dr. appointments and such before and after plus having to still diet and exercise - yeah that doesn't sound like an easy way out to me.

I hope you take a little time to reflect on why you're so ashamed of getting the band - that could be part of why you're struggling to keep losing weight.

Karla said...

I don't think you got a get out of free card if you are eating healthy with the band. I know a gal that is NOT eating healthy and has lost 90 pounds with the band, eating macaroni and cheese, frozen burritos and misc other garbage, she makes me sad sometimes, because she has put a bandaid on a broken leg!!! she may lose all her weight when it is all said and done, but will she have a healthier body??? well I guess thats just not my business!!! she is a beautiful person, just makes me sad she hasn't used the band as a way to get healthy, just as a tool to be thinner. It really made me realize that I am not on a "diet" I have a "healthy diet"

sorry to ramble, you just touched a topic I have been unable to blog about as she reads my blog and I would never want to hurt her with my opinions

Natalia said...

It is a very small world indeed!

So when do we get to see more progress pictures! :)

Linda - Operation Stick To It said...

It may turn out to be a blessing in disguise! you never know. Support in real life, outside of blogland, I mean.

BTW, I'm back at Operation Stick To It and am reconnecting with old blogs I used to correspond with!