Wednesday, March 23, 2011

I Gained 18 Pounds Using My Treadmill!

GAINED!?

HUH!?

Nope, I didn't write the post title wrong, unfortunately.

Since I bought my treadmill back in December, I have gained almost 20 pounds. AND, I have used my treadmill for a hefty 300-700 calorie burn almost every single day!

No, I am not going to sit here and tell you my sob story about how I am doing everything right; eating right, exercising daily, being nice to my neighbors... etc, and I just don't know WHY I am gaining!? Woo if me.

Okay, moving along. I am gaining because I am eating too much. Plain and simple. I am not eating too much of the "bad" things like ice cream, soda, cookies... but I am obviously doing something wrong. Could it be the sugar I am adding to my "healthy" strawberry smoothie in the mornings? Yup. Could it be the extra cheese I order on my "healthy" lunch at the Mexican restaurant? Yup. Could it be the extra miniature Peppermint Patty I eat at night? Yup.

I have become so good at convincing others that I am eating well, that I am now convincing myself! While sabotaging my life in the process. It's late here on the East Coast- it's well after midnight, and for a Mom who has been dealing with the stomach bug wreaking havoc on our laundry, our carpets, our public outings and OUR LIVES for over a week now, I should be sleeping.

I can't sleep right now. I can't sleep because I am suffering from heartburn and reflux. I am suffering from these things because of the loads of weight I have packed onto my poor body over the course of the last five months. I can feel my body panicking, pleading with my brain to "get control!" already. Laying in bed thinking about how my aches and pains are back- my feet hurt! my hips hurt! my knees hurt!, my reflux is back, my sleep apnea is back, I have no clothes that fit, my five year old is now asking me why I am "so tough?", his word for fat, and worst of all- I feel absolutely horrible about myself.

So, why would all of this be worth the 20 seconds it takes to enjoy one chocolate cookie? one small soda? one LARGE soda? one Christmas dinner? one special date night with my husband? just one more, just one more, just one more... I'll start again tomorrow.... I'll be good tomorrow... I deserve this... I'm tired.... I've been under a lot of stress lately... I'm happy... I'm sad.... You hurt my feelings...

Nothing, NOTHING is worth it. NOT ONE THING. Maybe except sparing the life of one of my children or even my husband, but we are talking about sparing MY life here. MY LIFE. ME.

Wow, talk about a heavy, unloading post here folks. But, it's been too long since I've posted, so long in fact that I almost forgot how to log in. I need to stay active amongst the rest of you, I need to hold myself accountable. I need your help.

Some of you noticed that I have been MIA lately, thank you so much for your thoughts. I appreciate ALL of you SO, SO much. Instead of running away and hiding when things get bad, I have to stay here, stay positive, and use this wonderful tool.

I'm going to sign off now- the leaning tower of Pisa, aka the family laundry pile, is on the guest bed next to me and making me want to go and eat. ;)

Until tomorrow my friends. Good night!!! Hope you are all doing well.

14 comments:

Bandita Senorita said...

Hang in there, pretty lady. I am dealing with heartburn, etc. from an incident a couple of months ago, have no fluid in my band as a result, etc. Ugh!!! But we'll make it through these tough times!!

Lauren said...

We don't know each other but I have been following your blog for months. Not even sure how I came across it, but every day I look to see if you have a new post. I was banded seven months ago. Please don't lose hope. You have been a wonderful inspiration and I am sure there is a light at the end of your tunnel.

Kiwigirl said...

I've also been reading your blog for a while, and wondered what happened to you. You've done so well and I know you can get right back on track again! Hang in there!

amy_joy81 said...

Hang in there. We all have rough days...weeks... months. I've been at the same weight now for about 3months and it can really get to you.

Just think to yourself '20 pounds is NOTHING' because really compared to what it could be it's not so bad. A month or two of some simple changes and that 20 pounds could be gone.

As for your workouts - treadmills can be great if you know how to correctly use them to get the most effective workout. I've done treadmill workouts for 3 years now, so if you want any suggestions, feel free to email me (you're a 'fan' of my blog already).

And when it comes to the food - you know what you SHOULD be eating. But if you aren't already, start journaling your food. YOu don't have to actually count calories if you don't want - just use the journal as a reality check. Start by journaling what you have been/are eating... and in a week start finding places to make changes.

Good Luck! you can do it :)

Theresa aka Tessie Rose said...

Well at least you are hear and talking abou the gain instead of waiting til you gained it all back. It's never too late to start again. You can do this, we are all here for you!

Amy W. said...

oh my little long lost friend...i remember you BEFORE the band...when you were doing it the "traditional" way. You were honest with yourself then, just like you are being honest with yourself now. And I really think that is the most important thing. This shit aint easy. Even with a band. I know you can succeed and change it around. If I knew the magic answer, I swear I would tell you. Just don't give up. Don't stop doing the right things. Blog more. Be open. Take each day one step at a time. You will get back on track. You know you can do it...and so do we.

Beth Ann said...

I have so much respect and admiration for people who recognize they are not following the path they want to follow, assess and make changes. It is how I'm trying to model myself. I used to be deny, deny, deny. And look where that got me!

Good for you for being honest with yourself. Now you just need a plan. :) Keep at it!

Catherine55 said...

Admitting the problem is the first step toward fixing it. It's so good that you're being honest with yourself and that you got back on your blog to air this out. That tells me that you're serious about turning this around and that you WILL succeed.

Way to go -- you nipped this in the bud at the 18 pound point. That's an amount that you can deal with in short order.

One thing that helps me with this is that I make myself take a moment before I eat something that I probably shouldn't. I think "do you really want this?" or "why do you want this?" Sometimes the answer is yes and I eat it. Sometimes I walk away. Just being conscious of the impact of the decision as it's being made is a big help.

Alexis said...

I too have been MIA because I'm just not wanting to be honest with myself about why I'm not losing (I know darn well why...I just need to put it out there and get back into this positive environment we have in blog land).

You are always one to stay positive and be real with yourself. You will come around and you will be successful (you already have been!).

Rachel said...

I love this post because it is soooooo honest. My whole inability to lose weight was my poor but healthy eating...Your honest hit home.

Your self awareness though will bring you back. You have accomplished so much and you will accomplish more!

Wendy said...

One say at a time... you've admitted why you put on the weight, now fix it, and forget it. Just carry on in your battle! I've just beginning... and I just ate WAY too many almonds (not to mention the spoonful fo peanut butter I ate making lunches) I screwed up, but I will not let it stop me. I'll keep going! And you can, too!

John said...

Dear Friend,

If your goal is to lose fat as fast as humanly possible, it should be no surprise that you absolutely MUST learn to maximize the amount of time your body is actually burning fat. After all, if your body is actively burning fat for 10 hours each day, you'd get much faster results than if it were only burning fat for five.

But what if you could literally burn fat twenty four hours a day…every day?

Do you realize how much faster you'd progress? How much more quickly the fat would melt away? How much more rapidly you'd have the body you want?
WEIGHT LOSS

Nan said...

Are you trusting the amount of calories that your treadmill says you're burning? This could be a big part of the problem. I looked up a calculator online and if you're running at 6 miles per hour you're only burning an extra (on top of what you are burning by simply being alive) 100 calories per mile. If you stick to believing that the above is true and adjust your intake accordingly you should have better success with weight loss.
(I got a treadmill 6 weeks ago and found out that it was inflating my calorie burn by close to 100%!! It lies, I tell you. It lies.)

Анна Калинина said...

Recently I've come to a very simple point: to lose weight you just need to burn more energy than you get with your food. I've started experiencing weight problems because of my work. After 2 years spent in the office, I felt like I am becoming a part of the office furniture myself. I gained weight, my back started to ache, and I suffered strongly from the lack of physical activity. As many of my colleagues, I decided to go to the gym. Because of my tough working schedule, I could visit gym only once or twice a week. At the beginning I was excited and felt much better after training, but during the second month I used to be completely exhausted already after 1 hour in the gym. I could hardly get home. Girls in the gym told me they were taking additional nutrition to support their physical capacities. I have also tried Military Grade supplements they’ve recommended. Though, it was designed for military people, it can be used by anyone, men or women. Moreover, if it is used by soldiers, I believe it should be efficient and safe. So, I’ve tried their special pre-workout formula. I am more energetic during the training itself, second, I have much more energy even after it. And what’s most important, I’ve lost 5 kilos in 1 month!