I'm Drained

I had my first appointment in eight months today. After telling my surgeon's assistant my recent symptoms... :

• craving sweets/sliders (ice cream!)
• heartburn
• frequent vomiting
• and a horribly uncomfortable pinching sensation around my stomach that prevents me from sleeping/moving/eating comfortably (similar to the feeling I had right after my surgery when my stomach was swollen)

...she concluded that I was probably too tight. She ordered a fluoroscopy and we could see that when I swallowed the contrast, it all sat in the top pouch. Only a drop or two actually went through while we sat there and watched it for about 30 seconds. So, she ended up taking out my fill and prescribing an anti-inflammatory.

This probably was the result of a stomach bug I had about a week ago. All the vomiting made for one angry stomach and band. :(

I go back in in about two weeks to put some fluid back in. Maybe this will help me stop my adaptive eating and get me over this darn plateau!

Oh, How I Hate Thee

I haven't been happy with my surgeon's office for quite some time now. Actually, I've been so unhappy that I haven't been in for an appointment in about 9 months now. Oops! :/

I've been having some pinching pain lately that hasn't gone away for a few days, so I figured it's time to go in and see the people who don't care about what they're doing. Here is my conversation with the receptionist (whom I don't know at all because there is a new one every time I go/call):

Dr. E's office: (mumbled, barely intelligible) Surgical Specialists

Me: Hi, my name is Lynn Magoober (no, not really), and I need to see someone about some pain I am having. I have the Lapband.

Dr. E's office: Hold please.

(Ten minutes passes. Yes, ten minutes.)

Dr. E's office: Ma'am? You need to schedule a fill, right?

Me: NO, I've been having some pain.

Dr. E's: Well, we aren't here on Thursday or Friday this week.

Me: I realize this isn't a good week to try to get in, I'm sorry about that. It's just I've been putting off this pain or a while, and it's not going away. (I am SO sorry that I hurt, I should have put this off until AFTER the holiday! Geesh. Sorry to inconvenience you.)

Dr. E's: Mumble, mumble, mumble.... 11:40 tomorrow?

Me: Thank you, that would be great.

Dr. E's: (annoyed) 'Scuse me, you didn't give me your name.

AHHHHHH!!!!! I HATE, HATE, HATE that office! I don't know what to do.

I SO wish I could find an office that actually cared about their patients/business. I feel like I am part of a meat market.

Ironing

I feel like I need to address a few wrinkles. In my last post about downing two pints of ice cream, I completely, totally, 100% take ALL responsibility for having such junk in my freezer. That was definitely my fault. Even though I have the band, I am still overcome by my old urges. It will be a continual task for me, I am sure. But I do realize that I have no business bringing that garbage into my house. I just can't have it in there. Lesson learned. I passed the ice cream section at the grocery store yesterday and I averted my eyes, and held my head high.

It seems like I have done a bit of blogging, okay a LOT of blogging, lately about my consumption of ice cream. It has become my crutch during my moments of weakness. I seem to blog during those moments making it appear as though I sit around eating ice cream all day.

I haven't been very diligent about blogging all of my good news. Why? I don't know really. I need to be blogging about all of the miles I am running. All of the healthy choice victories. About a pound lost here or there. But, I just feel like my life is SO darn boring. The thought about logging in to report that I ran two miles tonight, ate well that day, or lost a pound seems like news that I SHOULD be reported daily. BUT, alas, I am lazy.

It seems that I only blog about things that I do wrong, or when I am feeling scared along my journey, and that is not fair. It's not fair to me, because I am not giving myself positive credit and reinforcement, and it's not fair to all of the newbies or "wannabes" (used nicely!).

I will try to blog more about all the great things in my life, because there are many. For instance, the nature preserve near my house that I have NEVER brought my boys to because the fear of having to hike has steered me clear, is no longer a fear. Instead of avoiding it, I keep reminding myself that I need to take them so we can hit the trails!

Another wrinkle- I am NOT ashamed of being banded- at all. The reason that I have wanted to keep it hush-hush is not only because my husband's family is sickeningly judgmental, but because I fear all the extra pressure from others. I place so much pressure on myself, and I fear that having another set of people in my life who feel a need to constantly ask, "So, how much have you lost so far?" "How much have you lost since I last saw you?" "How much do you weigh?".

In an effort to avoid awkwardness, I have chosen to keep my banding a secret from most of the people in my life. My closest friends and immediate family all know, and of course all of you!

But, to reiterate, I do not think the band is shameful in any way, whatsoever. I am proud of all of you and I am certainly proud of myself.

Thank you- ALL OF YOU- for following me and supporting me on my journey. I appreciate all of your comments, whether they are the smack in the face that I need, or fluffy, I read them all and take all to heart. If I didn't have this outlet, I wouldn't be where I am today- happier and healthier.

Do NOT Try This at Home

How many of you have heard of strange things people do while under the effects of a sleeping aid?

Well, here is my story:

I was prescribed Ambien months ago for a bad bought of insomnia. Since then, I have only taken it a small number of times. The other night I was SO tired and the fear of laying in bed not being able to fall asleep until 4:00 in the morning convinced me to take an Ambien.

I took a WHOLE pill and headed downstairs to watch a movie until I was feeling tired. I sat down with a pint of Ben & Jerry's (I had good girl plans...) and settled into the couch. Within five minutes, the actors and actresses in the movie had four eyes. Feeling content with just the top layer of my ice cream being gone, I headed for bed.

The next morning, I laid in bed confused about what had happened the night before. My husband told me that I had called him to say that I was going to bed and that I sounded completely coherent. I don't remember calling him, at. all. Then it dawned on me... I don't remember putting the ice cream away! I concluded the rest of my precious pint was left on the coffee table, melted, and spread all over the couches and carpet by our dog.

After getting ready for church, I was running out the door and did a quick check- nope, no ice cream left out. Oh good, I must HAVE put it in the freezer.

Fast forward several hours.....

Later that afternoon I was thinking about sneaking a spoon full of my tasty nemesis, and headed for the freezer. Uh-oh, the ice cream wasn't in there. I checked the fridge just in case in my drunken stupor I was confused- nope, not in there either. What on earth!!?? Feeling defeated and confused, I headed over to the trash. Yup, the container was in there. I had eaten the WHOLE thing and didn't even know it!

That's okay, I have another one in the freezer. Or do I? Where did that one go? I can't find that one either. NO. NOOOOOOO. Tell me it isn't possible. In complete denial, I headed for the trash again. Sure enough- TWO containers of B&Js lay in the trash can. COMPLETELY cleaned out and empty.

I had managed to sit GOD knows where and down TWO WHOLE pints of ice cream without even knowing it! That just isn't fair.

Then the realization of how bad the situation could have been kicked in. I was home alone with my boys. What, if in my Ruffie like state, I thought I could drive for some reason and stuck them in the car... what if I had inflicted bodily harm in some other way... what if.... what if....? Uh, I can't even think about it.

From now on, only HALF a pill for me and my husband is going to handcuff me to the bed!

Oh! and one more thing... after sitting at 225 lbs for a FIVE month long plateau, I am finally at 222 again. But being sick for the past three days has definitely had something to do with that, so I can sheepishly take credit. I am just glad I am finally moving in the right direction!

Help, I Can't Breathe!

So, now that the weather has gotten colder, I have been reminded that I suffer from cold air asthma. Basically- exercise induced asthma caused by the cold air. When I went out running the other night, I made it about .25 miles before I couldn't get any air in, I was wheezing, gasping for air and it felt like an elephant was crushing my lungs! So, off to the doctor's I went.

My doctor prescribed me an inhaler, but an inhaler has never worked for me in the past. He said that I may not be able to run outdoors again until the warmer weather. Seriously!?

I have just gotten to the point where I am really hitting my stride and enjoying running. I HATE exercising inside, I absolutely despise it- it's boring and painful for me.

Have any of you dealt with asthma issues? Have you found something that works for you?

I am thinking about running with a scarf over my mouth to help warm and moisten the air. I have to figure something out to counteract my recent ice-cream splurges! :/

Binge & Scary's

Why is it that it takes almost ten minutes to scrape off and eat the top layer of a Ben & Jerry's pint, but in less than a nano-second, the rest of it is gone!?

I can't for the life of me figure this one out.