Friday, April 10, 2009


So now that my hormones have plummeted since my pregnancy ended I have been experiencing what feels like the post-partum blues. I am an absolute mess...headaches, cramps, horrible snappy mood swings and my husband doesn't get it!

I asked him if he felt sad at all, and his reply was "Uh, nope, not really". He is completely "over it". Which leaves me to feel like I have to mourn on my own. I realize it might seem silly to "mourn" since my pregnancy lasted all of 6 weeks, but I can't control a lot of how I am feeling because of these darn hormones! AND, knowing that I was pregnant, even though for so little time, I had plenty of time to plan, hope and dream for so much.

At lunch time yesterday he told me that he had already told a few of his friends and patients that I was pregnant. When I asked him what he was going to tell them he said, "I am just going to tell them that just had a weird menstrual cycle and that you were never pregnant." I asked him if that was what HE thought, and he said "Yes, I don't think you were ever pregnant. I think you were just seeing things [the positive test]". So, now instead of receiving support from my OWN freak'in husband, he is in turn going to tell everyone that I am a complete looney by making me sound like a liar.

I just can't get over how insensitive he is being. He actually thinks I was never even I made up the whole blasted story or something!!! I have to go in for an appointment with my midwife next week to make sure I don't need a D&C which I am NOT looking forward to.

Oh, and one more thing, my husband has actually had the nerve to harp on me today about losing weight so we can save money on health and life insurance. He is so in the doghouse.

I am just so angry today. I can't stand it! I think I am going to end up in the nuthouse right next to my husband's doghouse.


Linda said...


That's what I'm seeing.

So sorry you are experiencing this.


Deb said...

I might be wrong, but I was thinking I remembered that your husband is a doctor. If I am not mistaken about that, then I am completely baffled how he can say that you were never pregnant when you had a positive test. Those things are highly accurate. I even had my gyno use one of the store-bought ones once to ensure I wasn't pregnant before doing a procedure on me.

On a lighter verification word to post this is "zentater". How awesome would that be for a blog name. The Zen Tater. hee!

Ashley said...

I'm so sorry! You are going through such a difficult time and a time when you need your husband there for you the most, and his behavior is about the worst it could be. :( Maybe he really is hurting on the inside and this is his way of dealing with things?? Not that it is any sort of excuse... Regardless, hang in there and try to do something for yourself to help bring you comfort - a massage, a walk, listen to music you like, etc. And maybe talk to your dr to see if he/she can prsecribe you something to help with your emotions - it very well could be postpartum depression.

I hope things get easier and I hope you have someone you can talk to. Hugs!

Fat[free]Me said...

I think he is in denial, but your body isn't so no wonder your hormones are all over the place.

Hope you feel better soon (you will).

Hugs x

Natalia said...

Maybe this is his way of dealing with it. He's in denial and trying to convince himself there wasn't ever a baby? Not saying it's right, but maybe he's hurting more than he's willing to show.

I'm sorry that you are going through this.

I'm sending lots of hugs and love your way!

Big Girl said...

I don't even have words.

I am so sorry for your loss and sorry you have to go through all of this.


kilax said...

Wow! Is this all serious? How ridiculous! I would be seething!

I am so sorry for your loss. :(

I hate being sexist, but it sometimes seems like men just don't get how we operate. And it makes the act so insensitive.

MargieAnne said...

Hi Sweetheart. Sorry I don't know you at all so hope that endearment doesn't upset you.

Loss of a baby at any stage of pregnancy hurts like ..... you are experiencing. Sometimes the men try to block it out. Underneath he could be hurting too but because he doesn't have to deal with hormones as well he is in denial. This makes it so much harder for you as you really do need some TLC and understanding.

Even if you were not pregnant, but you would know, there is still loss so there must be a grieving process. I don't know what help is available in your area but there is support and grief counselling available for those who lose a baby whether it be through deliberate termination or miscarriage. I suggest that you look them up and have a good talk with another woman.

There are some steps you can do to help yourself.

1. accept that it was not your fault. Sometimes these things happen for no known reason.

2. forgive yourself if you need to.

3. Spend a few quiet minutes of meditation and name your baby.

4. Make a secret baby pouch. Put in it something that you would like to give your baby, a card, a letter, a toy, a blanket, a piece of clothing. Your husband doesn't have to know but one day you may be able to show him that this baby was real.

You are not alone. There is a huge sisterhood of women who have lost babies and had to grieve in secret. That's cold comfort I know but said to try and give you courage to pick up the pieces and begin to live again.

Grief for a lost baby is a serious matter and you need to ALLOW YOURSELF TO EXPERIENCE IT. You are a strong woman or you wouldn't be here. Grieving is a process best handled by strong people.

Blessings. Do hope this helps a little

Natalia said...

Hey Lynn, Me again. I've been thinking about your post and I just really feel for you. Just want you to know that I'm thinking about you! So very sorry for your loss!

Anonymous said...

So sorry you are going through all this hon! Just wanted to tell you I was thinking about you...

Anonymous said...

Okay, Lynn, I'm angry for you and with you! Maybe I should offer platitudes and all that, but I'm upset at the way your husband is dealing with this. That is not fair! Did he not see the test himself? I dunno, I'm sad and I don't even know you in real life. Different people have different ways of dealing with grief, and maybe he just doesn't know how to approach such a sensitive subject with the people he's already told. Doesn't make it nice, though.

Super duper huge *HUGS* and totally understand the hormones. Just give yourself time. And maybe punch your pillow instead of hubby?! :D


butterfly said...

Women all around can understand just how much thought has gone into the pregnancy and what a psychological toll a loss takes on us.

Maybe this is just your husbands coping mechanism? Maybe it helps him to deny it somehow. From what you've written, it sounds like he's very angry and unfortunately has resorted to taking it out on you.

I'm thinking of you.

Dee said...

Your husband is lucky I don't personally know him. I had a miscarriage when I was 9 weeks pregnant, so I know the pain you are feeling. I can't begin to understand why he's acting this way and not being supportive to you as he should. He's not helping you achieve your weight loss goal because he's causing you to stress from being unsupportive and understanding of your feelings as a woman. Regardless of the time frame, that child was still a part of BOTH of you.



carla said...

late to this post but chiming in none the less.


Many, many days I just think that they dont get it...

Good Gals Inc said...

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Husbands can be assholes sometimes. I'm so sorry that you're hurting!!

Aunt of 14 said...


I can empathize. It doesn't matter how long you've been pregnant... could have been 7 days... 6 weeks, whatever... it is still a LOSS. You had expectations and it was dashed.

Your husband might be one of those that if they don't see it they don't believe it. I don't know, but he has better get his butt in gear and be supportive of his wife whether he wants to or not! It took two to get pregnant in the first place!

I was pregnant one time and never knew it. I had a miscarriage and didn't even realize until I went to the doctor. So, even though I never knew I was pregnant, I still felt like I lost something, a part of me. It's still very hard.

((((HUGS HUGS)))))

Mary Jameson said...

Hi Lynn,

I know exactly how you feel I miscarried at 8 weeks and even now, 14 years later, I wonde what that cild would have looked like. Crazy I know but the moment comesand goes away.

As for weight loss,I weighed in at a hefty 240 lbs last year. My husband left me for someone slimmer, self-confidenc =zero and depresssion was setting in. Things changed in August last year and now I am 130 lbs , sexy (if I may say so myself) and lots of confidence.

So, you can lose as much weight as you want..its all down to you & mind power..
You can read how I did it on my blog if you want.

Lisa said...

Your husband sounds like a jerk.