Monday, April 13, 2009

Just Get Over it Already

I have definitely secluded myself these past few days, and now it is to the point where I don't even want to answer the phone anymore.

I just can't stand the fact that everyone either completely ignores what happened, or they say the stupidest things. We spent yesterday with my in-laws and my MIL kept talking about all of the ladies in her life who had just had babies. SERIOUSLY? Can people be anymore insensitive? I sat through Easter service yesterday morning only to cry uncontrollably (quietly) through the whole thing :cry:. I couldn't stop the tears rolling down my face. My MIL and husband ignored me the whole time...not so much as a tissue or a holding hand.

I asked my MIL if she could watch my boys for me while I went to my midwives to ensure I didn't need a D&C and she acted like it would be a huge inconvenience (she doesn't even have a job!) and she never answered me. Am I asking too much to hear a, "Sure, no problem. I will help out anyway possible".

My own mother keeps telling me to, "Move on Honey. You need to stop thinking about it. You are bringing this on yourself right now Honey because you won't let it go". Does she honestly think I can just "stop thinking about it" when every few hours I am reminded when I go to the bathroom? How can I forget when I am still feeling the pain of my MC that happened less than a week ago?

I realize the people who I am referring to have never suffered a MC and obviously don't understand. But, I don't understand how everyone can expect me to "get over it".

I am sorry that this post seems so angry. I may be taking my pain out on the others around me.


kilax said...

Don't apologize! I would be VERY upset if I were in your shoes, and quite honestly, it sounds like the people around you are not taking you very seriously or being supportive. Maybe talking to your doctor about it will make you feel better.

MargieAnne said...

It's OK to be angry. So sorry those around you are insensitive to your needs. I doubt that you are obsessing or making things harder for yourself. Don't expect to get 'over it' in a hurry. Your reactions, including the tears are normal.

If no-one else is being kind to you I hope you can find a way to be kind to yourself.

Blessings and a Big CyberBear Hug.

Anonymous said...

Lynn, dear, you have every right to be angry! I'm angry for you that people are being so insensitive to your needs and to your pain! I'm so sorry. I just don't understand the complete lack of support--and it makes me very sad for you. What you are feeling is perfectly normal! I don't know if it would help them, but you could refer them to some pregnancy loss websites that offer tips on how to help those dealing with a miscarriage. Somehow, though, I don't think they would be much interested, but perhaps there would be some tips that would give you some comfort. Tons of *HUGS*! Wish there was some more tangible way I could help!

Aunt of 14 said...

You have VERY good reason to be angry. Don't apologize. I can't believe how insensitive the people around you are, and I certainly understand how impossible it is to "just get over it!" that should never ever be expected of a grieving mother. It's only been a week! Go on and fume.... go on a mini-vacation by yourself for a break from those around you... its OK to be angry.

Natalia said...

Lynn, You have every right to be angry! I wish I could just come give you a big hug!! I'm sorry that you are going through this without any support from those around you. It's not right. Feel free to email if you'd like to vent! nataeson at gmail dot com

I'm thinking about you!

Lynn said...

Oh, for god's sake!

I still have moments from a miscarriage I had over 10 years ago.

It's a LOSS; it's not like you had a COLD... and for some reason, people who haven't been there tend to treat it like you had a medical problem. I'm very sorry for your loss... it takes a while to get over, and even after you're past the tears part, there's often a long period of wistful... "she would have been three..."


Fat[free]Me said...

I am horrified at how insensitive everyone is being to you at this time.

All I can say is how sorry I am and that you will feel better soon. You will always feel sad about the lost baby, but you will heal emotionally in time. Can you get a bit of counselling, it really helps?

Hugs - you deserve them. x

Linda Burt Pressman said...

Lynn, I'm so sorry about your miscarriage. I had a triplet miscarriage once that I didn't talk to anyone about for years, except for my husband. All I did was try to eat away my pain. I thought if I talked about it I'd start crying and never stop. Even now, ten years and one daughter later, it's difficult. I would use Internet resources, see if there are any pregnancy loss groups in your area, and go to a bookstore or library to get some books about it. The insensitivity of the people around you is an issue you'll probably need to deal with eventually, but for now you need to deal with the grief.

Catherine55 said...

I am so sorry to hear how you are being treated. I've never had an MC, but it does not take much thought to realize how traumatic, devastating and upsetting that must be.

I'm mad at your husband for not putting his arm around you when you were upset in church and trying to comfort you.

I liked Linda's suggestion about finding a support group. Clearly, you are not getting the support that you need (or any normal person would need!) here. I hope that there is a way you can arrange to spend less time around your MIL as well. She does not sound like a nice or caring person.

I don't know what the exact solution is here, but I did want to send you a big hug and say that it's eventually going to be OK. Hang in there.