Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Somber

I can't help but feel a little somber today and I was hoping by writing this post I can get past this and move on.

I found out I was pregnant for the third time about 6 days ago. Although I was in complete disbelief, I couldn't help but be overcome with joy and excitement. We were going to have a third baby! Hopefully a girl this time. I laid in bed at night running through baby names and the thought of bringing home another precious little one.

Unfortunately, my pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 2:00am this morning. I had been spotting and cramping off and on, but I was reassured that spotting and cramping are normal in the early stages of pregnancy. But there was just this feeling deep down inside that I just could not shake. I kept worrying about miscarrying, but at the same time I was sure that the pregnancy would carry on normally yielding a healthy baby.

So, I am feeling a bit confused, sad and angry today and all I want to do is eat, Eat, and EAT some more. If there is one time in my life where food is not a focus, it is when I am pregnant. I was looking forward to settling into the next 9 months or so with a clear head. I just wish I could figure out how to feel that way without being pregnant.

I was telling a friend that when I am pregnant, I feel that I have a "good excuse" to eat whatever I want, and because of this I don't desire to overeat. BUT, when I feel like I don't have an "excuse" I hide what I eat and can't eat enough. The mentality behind this is just weird. Basically all of the pressure to eat less and lose weight is completely gone when I am pregnant.

So....moving right along. Just another day.

***I was thinking this would be just like any other day, but this has proven to be quite a bit to handle for me. I had no idea, when my pregnancy was threatened, that it would be this painful.

15 comments:

Cristina said...

I'm very very sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I will keep you in my prayers.

skinnyfitkate said...

You poor love. I went through that with my third pregnancy although slightly further along. That one was an 'accident' and it made me realise how much I wanted a third child. I now have a beautiful daughter (after 2 boys) and my family is complete. Sending you hugs during this difficult time xxx

Aunt of 14 said...

Oh no, I am so so so sorry you had to go through that. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Married to a med student - Marissa Nicole said...

I am so sorry for your loss and sorrow.

Wendy said...

i am so sorry for your loss.

Emily said...

I was so sad to read your post. Sending you big hugs!!
xx

Deb said...

So sorry for your loss. {{{hugs}}}

Bethany said...

Oh, Lynn! I'm so very sorry and sad for you! It's perfectly understandable to be very upset. You have a reason to grieve. Big *hugs*!
Bethany

IRJessica said...

I am so so sorry. I wish no one had to suffer a miscarriage. Slow down and deal with what you are going through.

elife said...

I'm so sorry :(

Natalia said...

Oh, Lynn, I'm so sorry for your loss. Please know that you are in my thoughts.

carla said...

Im so so sorry.

Carla

Fat[free]Me said...

{{{{{Hugggggs}}}}}

Cammy said...

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Heather T said...

I'm so sorry for your loss.