I am having some serious issues with anger lately. I just can't seem to get my emotions under control. Things have been very stressful around here, and there doesn't seem like there is much light at the end of the tunnel.My husband is in the process of opening a new office, and the work involved is never ending. I haven't been getting much support from him lately, and I feel like things are starting to take a toll on us. The kiddos are taxing the mess out of me and my head is spinning in so many directions.
Yesterday was a horrible day. I started off okay, but ended up going on a binge/purge run to Micky D's (only because it was the closest source of grossness), eating all day long, purging after dinner and desert and of course no exercise. I laid in bed last night realizing that I have developed a REAL problem here. My past behaviors have come back to haunt me...full force. It's amazing how many emotions are involved in this kind of behavior. There seems to be such a relief after the fact. All of my feelings, that have been bottled up, come hurling (sorry, no better word) out leaving behind a huge feeling of ease.
I think I may need to address my issue with either counseling or medications, but we don't have the money for counseling, and my son is still nursing which rules out the medication. I realize that I could ween my son, but nursing him longer means the world to me.
I am just spinning out of control. I don't know what to do.
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You know, I wish I had some mind-blowing (and eating-disorder destroying) insight to offer here; because I sense you're not the only one who'd benefit! Heck, I'D benefit :) But I don't. What I can offer, is that today has a begining and an end, and doing what you need to to do take care of yourself and your kids is the most important thing. Is there anything that's adding to your stress "budget" that you can dump? Is there anything at all, that you particularly enjoy that might relieve some of your anger? Since non of us can fix all that stresses us in one big sweep, normally, it's a picking-away process until enough has changed that we can cope.
Sometimes distraction is all that helps. Any possibility that you can dump the kids at your Smother-in-Law's place so you can go see a funny movie all by yourself?
Whatever you can come up with; it's trite, but "this too, shall pass" and God is walking right there along with you. I'm praying, as always. Big hugs 00000 :)
((Hugs)). I'm so sorry. Please remember that as wife and mom, you are the center of your family; you can't afford NOT to get the help you need. There are often free groups - from OA to parenting groups to diet support groups. Do you think any of these would help?
As for medication, you are giving your child wonderful nutrients, but at the end of the day. he needs a healthy mom more than he needs that breast milk. Just like they say on the airplane, once your oxygen mask is secure, then give oxygen to your loved ones.
((More hugs!))
Oh Lynn! I'm so sorry... *HUGS* I wish I could offer something more tangible, too, but I can offer prayers for you! I know how stressful being a mom is, and I know I have anger issues as well. It's hard not to when everything seems to be going awry. I don't like to say it, but maybe you should consider meds? I take antidepressants, and I'm finally at the point where I've accepted the fact that if I have to take them for the rest of my life, so be it. Maybe things will settle down once the new office is complete. Do you think it would help to just flat out ASK your husband for help? Obviously I don't know your personal situation, but he probably doesn't realize quite how stressed you are. Anyway, I will be praying for you and believing that things will get better very soon.
~Bethany
Thank you for all of your kind words and prayers. I REALLY need them right now! I appreciate you all so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I know how you feel. Being a stay at home mom and trying to deal with all of it can be a big challenge emotionally.
You need some time for yourself each day....even 30 min. Maybe you should see your doc about the issues. There may be some safe medications.
I'm sorry that you are going through such a rough time right now. I know what you mean about the money situation. It rots when you need help but can't afford to get it. Maybe you've already done this, but there are some counselors that will do a sliding scale based on your income. Maybe that will help? I know for us right now if it isn't free it won't fit into our budget! :(
I wish I knew what to say, just know that I'm sending lots of (((hugs)))your way!!!
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