That Time of Year

Well, the holidays are officially upon us. We are all about to be faced with bowls full of leftover Halloween candy, tables full of turkey, dressing and pies, and plates full of beautifully decorated Christmas cookies. Whose idea was it to celebrate with food anyways? Obviously someone who didn't have a weight problem.

I am not sure if you saw the new Bed, Bath & Beyond flier yet, but it displays quite perfectly what lays ahead. There are four pictures. In the upper left corner, a picture of beautifully prepared food with a "Yummy" printed, in the picture below that...more food and another "Yummy". The picture in the top right corner? More treats, and more "Yummy". The last picture, the picture in the bottom right corner, is a picture of a woman standing on a scale that quite simply says "Uh-Oh".

It's that time of year again folks and there is no better time than now to put all of our hard work and resolve to the test. I am trying to gear up. In order to ensure that no Halloween candy is left over, we are giving out play-doh and toys (This also works well to rest well at night knowing that we will not be contributing to someone else's health and obesity problems later in life.) Also, for Thanksgiving, we usually treat ourselves to a rather pricey buffet meal at an outrageously delicious( and quite expensive) restaurant. The buffet works well for us because we feel that we get to eat all that we can in one sitting and we have no leftovers at home to haunt us for the days following.

I don't know about you, but I am quite positive that a fair portion of my left thigh can be directly contributed to my ten servings of left over dressing every year while growing up. By eating at the restaurant, we get to sample all the yummy food without having to bare the guilt of finishing all the leftovers.

Do you have any helpful hints to help us all make it through these food centered months ahead? I know I would love to hear them. I need all the help I can get ladies (and gents :))!

I'm Back

Hey everyone! Sorry for my absence from all of your blogs lately. I have been very busy and out of town visiting with my family these past few weeks. I just got home this evening, so this post will be short and sweet. I've got tons to do!

I am looking forward to taking my time tomorrow to visit all of you. I hope you are all doing great!

I ate like a horse while I was at my parents' house and my Aunt Flo came for a visit! So needless to say, I am not looking forward to my weigh-in tomorrow morning.

Giggles

Some New Non Scale Victories

As you all know, I have been having a pretty rough time lately. As a consequence of my higher than usual stress levels, I am making sure I pay close attention to all the NSVs that are occurring in and around my life. Here are a few that have made me smile lately:

• I now run around with my son at the playground- WITHOUT worrying about what the other parents are thinking. This is huge for me. Up until recently skipping around with him was more like dragging concrete blocks around strapped to my feet.
• My clothes are getting baggier and a bit too large to be wearing.
• My husband told me the other day that my legs are "little". I am sure he meant to say "smaller". ;)
• And, last but certainly not least, my two year old son is starting to refuse offerings of sugar. Isn't that amazing? I have been trying to teach him about the negative effects that sugar has on our bodies, both short and long term, and it seems to be working! Last night he had a chance to vend for a gumball and he said, "No, I don't want it. I don't need a treat, I've had enough and it's not good for my body." He then turned to me and gave my quarter back. Yay! (There is a catch to this lesson however, he is also abusing the recent health teachings to say such things as, "No thank you Mommy, salad is bad for my body". O'well. A work in progress...)

What has been the BIGGEST NSV in your life?

Yay! I'm Obese

I remember like it was yesterday seeing the official diagnoses of "Obese" on my doctor's routing slip back when I was still in high school. I cried so hard in my car, the whole way home. I vowed to lose weight, but never did. I only moved from obese, to severely obese, and then right on up to morbid obesity.

Since starting my journey a little over four months ago, I have moved out of the morbid range, into the severe range, and now into just obese. It's amazing to see how these subtle weight changes actually effect your health and overall BMI. I am struggling to keep my head in the game right now, but seeing the rest of you succeeding and reading your stories is keeping me going. Thank you.

I saw a segment on The Sunday Morning Show the other morning of some great footage of the current peak season up in Vermont. It depicted some of the most beautiful images of vibrantly colored leaves, and gorgeous sounds of babbling brooks and raging rivers. It brought me back to my days of camping and hiking, and I am holding onto this feeling for dear life. My plan is to schedule a Vermont getaway with my husband for this time next year. I want to be able to hike, canoe and enjoy the outdoors while soaking in the crisp fall air, all while enjoying being significantly healthier and smaller. I plan to look forward to the plane ride up there, for the first time in my life without fear of not fitting into the seat comfortably.

If I make the reservations, there is no going back; some serious extra motivation.

I always stop and look at all of the tents and camping gear while shopping in Target. I am dreaming of the day that I can live an active life again, without embarrassment. My husband deserves it, my boys deserve it, and by-golly so do I.

Ewwwwie

I want to start off by sending a sincere Thank You to all of you. I greatly appreciate your encouragement and support. I am so glad I have a safe place to be honest without fear of rejection or judgment. With that said...

My two children and I have spent the past three days stricken with a nasty stomach bug- at both ends (TMI, I am sure). So, needless to say, things have been pretty interesting around here. My two year old started it off, and my poor 10 month old is still getting sick. I feel so sorry for the little guy, he doesn't understand! At least he has breast milk to help him recover quickly. I have always wondered how a mother takes care of herself and her children (bathing, changing clothes, diapers, changing bedding, doing laundry, mopping up the floor and scrubbing the carpet...) while they are all throwing up, but now I know all too well. I hope we don't have to do this again...EVER!

Last Monday, I made a decision to STOP all of my madness, and break my cycle. I promised I wouldn't "get sick" anymore. THEN I woke up sick (beyond my choice). How ironic. Over the past few days, I have lost a total of 10 pounds. I am sure a good 5 pounds of that is dehydration.

So, I hope to take my new weight loss kick-off and run with it. A fresh new start. The only good thing that can come out of a situation like this.

Thanks again you guys for actually caring about me.

An Explanation

I feel like I need to share exactly what is going on in my life right now. I keep writing about stress and how it is effecting me, so I wanted to be clear about what it is that is making me feel so darn stressed!

In addition to my undying desire to lead a healthier (and much thinner) life, I am dealing with a few other thought occupying matters.

First of all, money. Please know I realize we all have money woes. However, I make our situation worse by dealing with it by indulging in retail therapy and buying junk food. Enter more stress.

We are in the process of moving my husband's office to a new location to be more convenient for his patients. This move has occupied my husband's time day and night, so I am receiving very little help at home with the kids. We have had to rack up our credit cards even more by installing walls, doors, carpet/baseboards/tile and painting to get the new space move-in ready. My husband has been one huge ball of stress himself, and at this point we are just pinging off each others' emotions.

In addition to everything else, my son has started pulling his hair out. This has happened before, and we had to shave all of his hair off. I was told by his pediatrician, and by a child psychologist, that he may require cognitive therapy and behavioral rehabilitation. I am NOT dealing well with this development. At all. I can't help but feel that there is something I could have done to prevent this. I was told that this is his response to stressful situations. Aren't we just a pretty family? I'm fat and my son is bald.

So, that is a sampling of what is occurring in my life right now. I have had little time to devote to my weight loss efforts. I am so exhausted at the end of the day, that exercise seems impossible. I have been tied up in a cycle of breaking down and binging, feeling guilty about it, starving myself the rest of the day and promising myself I will do better tomorrow, only to wake up and start the cycle all over again. I am going to look into some bulimia support groups in my area. Hopefully there is something that is low cost or free. I wish I understood myself better so that I could learn to handle my emotions in a better way.

More Stress = Larger Stomach?

I really can't figure out why stress makes me overeat. I mean, my stomach hasn't grown along with my stress levels, so where is it all going? A few weeks ago before all of my anxiety occurred, I was content and always felt full with a "normal" serving. Now, it seems as though I am always hungry and I can't ever seem to fill the hole.

According to what I have experienced and read on other blogs, it appears that this is a common trend amongst most of us.

If anyone would like to shed some light on this mystery, I would greatly appreciate any insight. It has always made me scratch my head. I would love to hear your opinions.

Chick Fil'Anxed

As you all know, I have been hanging on to the back gate of the wagon for dear life for a few weeks now. Today was no exception. I started my day with a nutritiously scrumptious Chick'fil A sandwich with a Dr. Pepper. After meeting a girlfriend (who is doing WW) at a local playground so our kids could play we headed off to do some shopping at the mall. Once we arrived, we realized we needed to feed the kiddos lunch before they fell apart.

My choices were either pizza (too messy for a two year old), Burger King, Subway (again, too messy), chinese or Chick'fil A. I opted for Chick'fil A because it was quick, easy and I knew my son would eat it. So began my second round of fastfood for the day. Halfway through my lunch, a conversation ensued between my WW doing friend and me. Now, keep in mind this is the SAME friend who has in the past invited me for all sorts of ice cream and fastfood runs when she needed a friend to accompany her. Why not call your fat friend? Right? And she always tries to get me to eat fastfood while we are meeting up for playdates. So, anyways...this is what was said:

FDWW (Friend doing Weight Watchers): That's a lot of points.
Me (not smiling with an eyebrow raised): Yup, I am sure.
FDWW: Your fries are like 12 points alone.
Me: Okay, thank you. I don't really care today. Today is just that kind of day for me.
FDWW: That Dr. Pepper is 6 points, and...
Me: Please, seriously, just be quiet, I don't care.
FDWW: ...did you get a wheat bun or a regular?
Me (both eyebrows raised): Well, I assume regular because I didn't specify.
FDWW: So, your sandwich is like 13 points. Did you get lowfat mayonnaise?
Me: I don't really care today. I am just in the mood to eat what I want.
FDWW: So, which one?
Me: What?
FDWW: Lowfat or regular?
Me (SIGH): Regular. BUT I DON'T CARE. SO PLEASE BE QUIET!!! I REALLY DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!
FDWW(with a smirk): So that is like 35 points for ONE meal. That is a WHOLE days worth for you.
Me: Thank you very much. I guess that's bad, huh?

Was it possible she was just trying to be helpful? I doubt it. She hasn't proven to be a friend who really watches out for me and my weight, so the conversation just really annoyed the heck out of me.