Sunday, October 5, 2008

An Explanation

I feel like I need to share exactly what is going on in my life right now. I keep writing about stress and how it is effecting me, so I wanted to be clear about what it is that is making me feel so darn stressed!

In addition to my undying desire to lead a healthier (and much thinner) life, I am dealing with a few other thought occupying matters.

First of all, money. Please know I realize we all have money woes. However, I make our situation worse by dealing with it by indulging in retail therapy and buying junk food. Enter more stress.

We are in the process of moving my husband's office to a new location to be more convenient for his patients. This move has occupied my husband's time day and night, so I am receiving very little help at home with the kids. We have had to rack up our credit cards even more by installing walls, doors, carpet/baseboards/tile and painting to get the new space move-in ready. My husband has been one huge ball of stress himself, and at this point we are just pinging off each others' emotions.

In addition to everything else, my son has started pulling his hair out. This has happened before, and we had to shave all of his hair off. I was told by his pediatrician, and by a child psychologist, that he may require cognitive therapy and behavioral rehabilitation. I am NOT dealing well with this development. At all. I can't help but feel that there is something I could have done to prevent this. I was told that this is his response to stressful situations. Aren't we just a pretty family? I'm fat and my son is bald.

So, that is a sampling of what is occurring in my life right now. I have had little time to devote to my weight loss efforts. I am so exhausted at the end of the day, that exercise seems impossible. I have been tied up in a cycle of breaking down and binging, feeling guilty about it, starving myself the rest of the day and promising myself I will do better tomorrow, only to wake up and start the cycle all over again. I am going to look into some bulimia support groups in my area. Hopefully there is something that is low cost or free. I wish I understood myself better so that I could learn to handle my emotions in a better way.

15 comments:

Chantelle said...

What a hard time you are having at the moment. It doesn't seem fair at all.

I hope you can find a support group. It would be nice for you to be able to share your feelings and know there are others in the same boat. x

Linda said...

Ohhh, honey. I dont' know you, but I give you cyber hugs anyway. I just went thru a crazy time with my 10 year old. He's got some depression and anger issues, and I figure somehow it's about me. I know the exhaustion - I'm a single mom wearing all the hats, so I get it.

I think finding help with your binge cycling is a great idea. You have to take care of you so you can take care of them.

Good luck.

Bethany said...

Lyn, it's no wonder you are stressing! I hate that you are going through all this. As soon as your husband's new office is open I have a feeling you are going to feel a lot better. If you can just tell yourself, this too shall pass...I know it's easier said than done. You are not alone in dealing with stress by eating and shopping. I'm with you there. Especially the binging part. I really hope you can find a support group where you can get some help. And I pray that your son gets through his problems as well. You are facing a tough time, and you do have a right to be focused on other things. There is nothing wrong with putting your weight loss efforts on hold for a short time. Sometimes we just need to not have to deal with it. I'm so hoping things improve really quickly. I wish I knew something more to say, but I'm praying for ya and sending you lots of cyberhugs!
~Bethany

kgrenier12 said...

I cannot believe the amount of stress you are dealing with.

The fact that you are aware of your habits is a really good thing versus ignoring them.

I hope you find the help that you are looking for. Your blog has been very motivating to me.

Fat Free Me said...

I'm thinking that once this office is open, the whole house may settle down a bit...I am praying that today is easier on you :)

Allison said...

What a ton of stress for one person to deal with!
You're bingeing, while not the appropriate response, is certainly understandable...you're using food to fill up holes of emotional support that aren't otherwise being filled. Sounds like you're turning to food for comfort and to decompress from all the stressful situations you're dealing with.
I hope you find the bulimia support you're looking for, and I hope your life calms down soon.

Sunshine said...

I so know where you are coming from. We are having moderate financial woes right now too and my husband is killing himself at work to get us caught up. I don't get to see him much at all. My son, who is 18 and autistic, has been really acting out lately. All the drama and stress really takes its toll on my emotional eating. Still, I've been through worse and I just keep trying to remind myself that "this too shall pass." Hang in there and blessings,
Sunshine

15lbs_down_girl said...

Aren't we just a pretty family? I'm fat and my son is bald.

lol, that was funny. don't mean to make light of your problems, but gotta make some jokes right?

you definetely need to make time for yourself, hang in there. at least you're trying to be healthier. maybe you could meditate when things get VERY stressful, like exactly at that moment, for only like 5 minutes just so you don't get SO caught up in ur problems. don't worry so much.

25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[a]?

28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.


cindy

Melinda said...

Repeat this 100 times every hour: It's not my fault. There are many different reasons why he is pulling at his hair. My autistic daughter pulls the skin around her fingernails until they bleed when she is either nervous or stressed. Get him evaluated. You could look at your local university for pysch help. Those graduate students need practice. Could he be in the high-functioning area of autism?? At least you can cut his hair off to make him stop. We have to use bandaids and gloves.

Deb said...

You could try to see if there is an Overeaters Anonymous meeting anywhere near you. It's not just for overeating, it's for any type of disordered eating. In the past I have gone to their meetings and there were all sorts of people...fat, thin, young, old, rich, poor, men, women....each with their own struggle with food including binge eating, bulimia, anorexia.

It is inexpensive. The meetings I have gone to they did take up collections but it was at your own discretion how much to put in. Most people seemed to put in just a dollar or two.

If nothing else you will hear the stories of others and realize you are not alone.

Hang in there. Good luck to you through this stressful time.

nmburleson said...

I'm so sorry, that's a lot, too much to be going through. I'm saying some prayers and sending lots of (((HUGS))) your way!

Blubbery Blogger said...

Thanks everybody. I greatly appreciate your encouragement and support. I am so glad I have a safe place to be honest without fear of rejection or judgment.

Kari said...

I don't really know what to say except hang in there, don't put yourself last because you are just as important. Definately look into options for support if you are feeling that will help you. Your son pulling out his hair..my cousin had the same thing. I like to think that we are all open and supportive here and I think it's pretty safe to say that the "pretty family" is just that...a pretty picture. We all have different struggles that we are faced with but the best thing is that we can grow with learning to overcome them! Hang in there...I'll be thinking of you!

nmburleson said...

Hey just checking in to see how you are doing.

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