After my last honesty post, I have come to a major realization. It wasn't hard at all to confess my weight loss wrong doing because this one felt different for me somehow. I have talked with my friend Kate many times about how while on the way to a binge, we won't call one another in fear of actually being talked out of our quest. Once I have the idea in my head, I don't want anyone knowing about it until it's all over. It's so much more fun to bitch about guilt than to be told that I should go for a walk or eat an apple instead. So time for my realization.
After my 1,200 calorie binge yesterday I realized that I felt no sense of "relief". I didn't feel all warm, fuzzy and numb. It seemed as though my "good friend" had failed me. Every bite was disgusting and I told myself the whole time how this just wasn't doing it for me anymore. This is huge for me because once I had eaten all that sugary poison, I couldn't help but feel an ingraining into my brain that binging is NOT worth it anymore.
It appears as though I have made concrete strides towards my effort to change myself permanently this time. My old self is tempted to over indulge, but my healthier, weight losing self seems to really understand this time that food is not the answer. This is HUGE for me folks. I just hope that this sunny thought will shed light on any future clouds of bad judgment.