Sunday, August 24, 2008

Obsession 101

I have blogged several times before expressing my dismay when it came to my recent obsessing over what I eat. A wave of irritation came over me yesterday, and I couldn't help but feel fed up with having to work on my weight loss so darn hard. I thought about how much easier it would be to just accept myself the way I am, and to eat whatever and whenever I want. It is so much easier then counting calories, trying to burn off what I DO eat, and obsessing about what I will eat for the next meal. The brain work that goes into this is tremendous.

But, let me tell you. This thought of mine was very short lived. My thinking was quickly diverted into remembering how things were for me "before". I remembered how when I was eating and living unhealthy, I was still obsessing. I obsessed about what I was going to eat next, how much of it I could eat, and who would know. I obsessed about how fat and miserable I was and how I was such a failure. I obsessed about how my husband must be grossed out by me. I obsessed about how I was going to die early and miss out on my grandchildren and how angry my children would be at me for not taking better care of myself. I obsessed about never being able to go to the pool, skiing, horseback riding, amusement parks, to try on clothes or be seen in public PERIOD without feeling terribly uncomfortable in my own skin. I worried about what chair I could fit into, and how I hoped I wouldn't break it. You name it, I obsessed about it.

It is so clear, even when I am tempted to fall back into my old behaviors, that my obsessions are healthy obsessions now. I would much rather worry about what I am going to eat and making sure it is low in calories and healthy than having to worry about all the things I used to worry about. I would much rather obsess about something that will yield a healthy result, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

11 comments:

Losing Weight: said...

I really liked this post. In the beginning, I thought, "Oh, no where is she going with this (i.e. quitting)", but you were just thinking out loud. Your brain is such a powerful tool and you really used it! Yeah! :o) Since you feel like you might be stalling out a bit, change gears and try something new...a food diary, a different exercise routine, purchase Cooking Light Magazine (or something similar) and try cooking lite for a few of your meals. Sometimes it's easy to fall into a weight loss rut... but you can pull yourself out by trying something new!
Have a great day~Candee

Fat Free Me said...

I think most of us just get fed up with this on a regular basis; especially when we have a good chunk to lose, and it seems to be taking forever. BUT, after some years have gone by, it won't seem like such a big deal anymore; it'll just be second nature to us, and we'll be rewarded for the work we've put in with healthy bodies that function well and look great! We're only 3 months in!! Perhaps you could make a 3x5 card for yourself. On one side write your top 10 "most hated" aspects of being overweight, and on the other side, your top 10 reasons for wanting to be healthy and fit. Keep it handy, and when you're feeling especially irritated or discouraged, flip it out and take a look :)

butterfly said...

I couldn't have said it better. As annoying as counting calories/points is and exercising instead of melting into my couch, being overweight is far more annoying. Just like you said about the horseback riding, swimsuits, and the way people see you- to lose all of these things that hold you back from doing things like everyone else is so worth it. This is a tough battle, but we always have to remind ourselves as to where we want to be and know that we are the ones in control of this.

SmushPants said...

This was a great post. You really hit the nail on the head. Wheather we are on the healthy or unhealthy side, food/exercise is always an obsession. It's not easiser to not care about what we eat, it just a different type of fustration.

new*me said...

great post :) It would be easier but I tell myself every day, being fat is too damn hard and the fat that is gone already IS NEVER coming back ;)

nmburleson said...

Oh you go girl! You are so right. I feel everything that you said about wanting to be around for your grandkids and how angry your kids would be because you didn't take care of yourself.

What a great post. See you are moving in the right direction. Mental is important because that's what it's going to take to keep the weight off once you get to your goal.

Deb said...

You are so right! This post reminds me of a post I once saw over on the Dotti's Weight Loss Zone message board. To paraphrase it was someting like:

"Being fat is hard. Losing weight is hard. Maintaining is hard. Pick your hard."

Mama Bear June said...

I think we just need to get to the point where it's just a habit to eat healthy and get exercise so we don't have to obsess about anything! Keep making healthy choices. I know with your awesome attitude, you will get there.

Path to Health

Buffedstuff said...

You are going through a beautiful growth process, I wish you the best as you move towards your goals.

Scale Junkie said...

WOW, great post, thank you!

debbyweighsin said...

This was such a good post, Lynn. Your thought process is right on.