Wednesday, August 13, 2008

The Heebie-Jeebies

The other night I was laying in bed thinking about how hard I have worked for a 25 lb. loss. It dawned on me that after working tediously for months and months to achieve my goal weight, I could put it all right back on in the blink of an eye. That's when the fear struck. Wouldn't it be so much easier to just eat what I want, whenever I want? It gives me the heebie-jeebies to think about continuing to work so hard, only to end up right back where I started.

Do any of you fear this? I am reminded by my dear friend, Kate, that fear is not from God, so I need to send it right back to the A-hole who sent it to me, thank you very much. I compare it to working your butt off at work for several years only to be told by your superior that you may or may not be receiving that raise you were promised for all your hard work. With no guarantees, I am feeling heebie-jeebed out big time.

After I tossed around these depressing thoughts for a while, I was pleasantly distracted by some thoughts of my recent NSVs. The other day my friend came for a visit, and within 10-15 minutes or so, I noticed she looked me up and down. Fearing that she was just judging me like the rest, I cringed thinking about her looking at me. But, instead I received a nice NSV, Wow, Lynn you are looking really, really good. You've lost weight, a lot of weight, haven't you?". I couldn't help but wear a perma-smile for a few seconds, I felt silly because I couldn't wipe the grin off my face.
Later that same day, my mom arrived for her visit. My mother, who always means well, is the first to tell me how heavy I am and how I need to start taking care of myself. I was nervously anticipating her noticing my weight loss when again, within 10-15 minutes of her arrival, I heard it, "Lynn, you look wonderful Honey, have you lost weight? It is so nice to see you finally start taking care of yourself". BUT, like most moms, she couldn't and wouldn't stop there. She continued to say, "I told you that you needed to start taking care of yourself...didn't I tell you? See...see...". Um, see what? That you are taking credit for the last three months of me working my a** off??? It made me chuckle on the inside to hear her take credit for my hard work and devotion. If she only knew. She is half my size, and the mother of four by the way. She works hard for her figure though. She walks about 5 miles or so a day and always has for as long as I can remember. I have NEVER seen her eat a candy bar or eat any other junk food. She is the kind of woman who orders her dressing on the side and gingerly dips a fork-full of lettuce into a drop of dressing. I guess I never really took notes from her while I was growing up. I much preferred to eat like my Dad I guess! :)

My bonus NSV of the century however, came from my dear husband. My husband is the kind of man who cannot show his emotions and he has a horrible time expressing any kind of affection. So, the things that come out of his mouth always mean the most. He was waiting for me in the car of the Wal*Mart parking lot the other day while I ran in for something. Once I returned, he turned to me and said, "Hey Baby, want'a wrestle?". So romantic, I know. However, the great part about that was I haven't heard that question since we were both in college 8 years ago! I can only assume he saw something in me that he liked as I was walking across the parking lot. Woo-hoo!!!

These NSVs and all of you and your encouragement are exactly what I need to keep on trucking along this sometimes treacherous journey. Thank you all so much for your continuing support!


Anonymous said...

YAY! What a lot of of nice NSVs! You are doing great. I know it's scary to think of gaining all the weight back, but let's just determine that's not going to happen--for ANY of us! This time it's for good. You have a lot to be proud of...

Cammy said...

Those are fantastic NSVs! And how wonderful that they were there for you when you needed them.

I do understand your fear. It's one I share with you, but it does fade into the background as you experience more and more successes! Mine just peeks out now, from time to time, and I remind it who's in charge. :)

Congrats on making people sit up and take notice that you are IN CHARGE!

Manuela said...

Good for you. Don't compliments just warm you up?

It's actually good to feel those heebie-jeebies, don't ignore them. For some of us it will always be a battle and while we can eat what we want, it has to be in controlled circumstances. Can't go whole hog and expect to come through unscathed!

Just keep doing what you're doing :)

new*me said...

awww...what a sweetie ;) I can feel love here! Great comments from your family and friends. That shouldn't be the only reason to keep going but it sure helps. I feel your fear as well. There is one thing that has helped me so far.......something this time just feels different. I am looking at it as not just weight loss but gaining health and helping my heart and body be stronger. So, even if the weight doesn't come off when I want it to, I know the ultimate goal is being reached. Changing your lifestyle is what will really change your attitude. Just knowing I am taking care of ME for a change is a great feeling.

Can't wait to see new pics.

Losing Weight: said...

I think it's great that you can reflect on your NSV's and gain strength from them. I can especially relate to the story about your mom and that she means well and takes credit for your hard work. In my case it's my Dad. I always dreaded his "little talks" about my weight. He always did it with respect and love, because I know he loves me and wants the best for me, but deep down it hurts because I guess we all have a built in mechanism that wants to please our parents, and for years now I have been overweight.

The funny thing about this is that he has been having "these little talks" with me since I put on my "freshman 15" in college. I thought I was as big as an elephant and at that point and I weighed 150 pounds. I would be doing a victory dance these days if I weighed that much!(It's my goal weight) Isn't life funny?

Have a great day!

elife said...

Great NSVs!