The Heebie-Jeebies

The other night I was laying in bed thinking about how hard I have worked for a 25 lb. loss. It dawned on me that after working tediously for months and months to achieve my goal weight, I could put it all right back on in the blink of an eye. That's when the fear struck. Wouldn't it be so much easier to just eat what I want, whenever I want? It gives me the heebie-jeebies to think about continuing to work so hard, only to end up right back where I started.

Do any of you fear this? I am reminded by my dear friend, Kate, that fear is not from God, so I need to send it right back to the A-hole who sent it to me, thank you very much. I compare it to working your butt off at work for several years only to be told by your superior that you may or may not be receiving that raise you were promised for all your hard work. With no guarantees, I am feeling heebie-jeebed out big time.

After I tossed around these depressing thoughts for a while, I was pleasantly distracted by some thoughts of my recent NSVs. The other day my friend came for a visit, and within 10-15 minutes or so, I noticed she looked me up and down. Fearing that she was just judging me like the rest, I cringed thinking about her looking at me. But, instead I received a nice NSV, Wow, Lynn you are looking really, really good. You've lost weight, a lot of weight, haven't you?". I couldn't help but wear a perma-smile for a few seconds, I felt silly because I couldn't wipe the grin off my face.
Later that same day, my mom arrived for her visit. My mother, who always means well, is the first to tell me how heavy I am and how I need to start taking care of myself. I was nervously anticipating her noticing my weight loss when again, within 10-15 minutes of her arrival, I heard it, "Lynn, you look wonderful Honey, have you lost weight? It is so nice to see you finally start taking care of yourself". BUT, like most moms, she couldn't and wouldn't stop there. She continued to say, "I told you that you needed to start taking care of yourself...didn't I tell you? See...see...". Um, see what? That you are taking credit for the last three months of me working my a** off??? It made me chuckle on the inside to hear her take credit for my hard work and devotion. If she only knew. She is half my size, and the mother of four by the way. She works hard for her figure though. She walks about 5 miles or so a day and always has for as long as I can remember. I have NEVER seen her eat a candy bar or eat any other junk food. She is the kind of woman who orders her dressing on the side and gingerly dips a fork-full of lettuce into a drop of dressing. I guess I never really took notes from her while I was growing up. I much preferred to eat like my Dad I guess! :)

My bonus NSV of the century however, came from my dear husband. My husband is the kind of man who cannot show his emotions and he has a horrible time expressing any kind of affection. So, the things that come out of his mouth always mean the most. He was waiting for me in the car of the Wal*Mart parking lot the other day while I ran in for something. Once I returned, he turned to me and said, "Hey Baby, want'a wrestle?". So romantic, I know. However, the great part about that was I haven't heard that question since we were both in college 8 years ago! I can only assume he saw something in me that he liked as I was walking across the parking lot. Woo-hoo!!!

These NSVs and all of you and your encouragement are exactly what I need to keep on trucking along this sometimes treacherous journey. Thank you all so much for your continuing support!