Saturday, August 29, 2009

I'm Banded

I am signing in long enough to let everyone know that my surgery went fine. I had a moderate to severe hernia that had to be corrected, so I have a great cover story for those whom I chose not to share with. I will try to post some more tomorrow, but at this point it is still hard for me to sit up and type.

I'll be back soon.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Pre-op Admission Testing and Pregnancy

Today I had to go to my pre-op appt. at the hospital where my procedure will be preformed. When I entered the main entrance, I approached the information desk and asked the man where I needed to go. He gave me directions and I was on my way. I couldn't help but notice all the babies around me as I neared my designation, but that all made sense once I entered the pre-op room. There on the wall was a sign that said: Obstetric Pre-op. Yup. Obstetric. The information dude thought I was pregnant. I guess it's a good thing I am having lap-band surgery. My embarassment doesn't end there.

On my way out, I had to take en elevator back down to ground level. There was a nurse in the elevator whom immediatly complimented me on my shirt. She then went on to ask me if I had the baby yet. Really? Baby? Can you not tell the difference between a FAT person and a pregnant person? In an effort to not embarass her- enough of that had already gone on today- I told her, yes the baby had already arrived. She then went on and enquired about gender and name....etc. I provided the correct information for my youngest. How's that for going out with a banb? That had NEVER happened to me before. But, I guess if it were going to happen, a hospital would be the right place.

Besides all of that, the testing went fine. I found out that my surgery was moved up from 2:00pm to 10:20am. So, that's good. Just rip that band-aid off.

I really don't know how anorexics or bandsters do it folks. I am so hungry I could seriously capture, kill and eat a small animal right about now. AND this is only my FIRST day of fluids! Any advice bandsters? Are there any secrets that I need to know? My mother is going to have to prepare dinner this evening because I don't know if I can remember not to test taste a noodle- eating is such a habit.

Well, here I go everybody. My next post will be about my surgery experience. I am so nervous, excited, scared, and cranky all rolled into one!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009


Well, it's official. I am scheduled for my surgery THIS Friday- the 28th of August. My very first visit was on the 4th of August. In 24 days I completed all of the paper work, lab work, radiology exams, psych evaluation, nutrition counseling, had my surgeon consultation, received approval from BCBS, went to the pre-op and then surgery. This has to be record time baby. Record time. This is quicker than going the Mexico route for sure.

I am still in shock. I woke-up this morning ready to settle in for a few months time while the process ran the course, but BAM! I heard that BCBS approved the surgery at 4:00pm and by 4:55 I was scheduled. I don't even know what to think. Luckily, my surgeon only requires one day of clear liquids- the day before surgery. (I just noticed I have hives. I must be more freaked out than I thought! I itch.)

I cancelled plans I had this evening and told my husband we were going out to eat- the "last supper" so to speak. I chose Outback. I am not sure why I chose Outback, but that was my choice. We settled in and ordered a Bloomin onion, dr. pepper, coke, salad, soup, bread, we each orderd a 16 oz. prime rib, I had steamed veggies and my hubby had fries. Words cannot explain the excitement I felt regarding my "last binge".

The blooming onion came- eh, it tasted pretty decent. My salad arrived- but the ranch dressing didn't taste the way I remembered. Then the prime rib, veggies and grilled shrimp. Veggies- yum. Prime rib- dry, tough and disgusting and it got sent back. The shrimp were pretty good. But all-in-all the dinner totally sucked. I had a brief moment were I couldn't help but feel greatly dissapointed about my "farewell" dinner. It was supposed to be supremely divine, an absolutely glorious memory to hold forever into eternity. Then it hit me.

The dinner sucked. My last BIG meal sucked. I was totally stuffed and grossed out by the whole experience. But, that was a good thing. I suddenly realized that my last memory of a huge meal was a bad one. Instead of going into surgery with the feeling that I won't ever be able to enjoy massive amounts of yummy food, I am going to realize that all that disgusting food left me feeling icky. It was NOT worth it. At all.

So, I feel like my sianora was a happy one after all. Farewell big meals full of ick. Hello small, healthy meals.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Waaaah. Boo. Hiss. With an UPDATE!

Today was my surgery consultation. I finally got to meet the surgeon, and he was wonderful.

However, to make a super-long story short.....his staff bites the big one.

Instead of being able to mark my calendar with my surgery date, I get to wait a few more weeks while his incompetent staff figures out how to do their jobs.

So I sit and wait, consumed with anxious anticipation I compare to waiting for my sons' births.

At my appt. yesterday, I gave the surgeon an ear full regarding my experiences with his staff, apparently it helped my case quite a bit! I jut got a phone call from their insurance coordinator to say that they have already gotten the approval letter from BCBS!!!! Woo-hoo! I was also told that there had been a surgery cancellation for this Friday. THIS FRIDAY! Could you imagine? I will keep you all updated.

The doctor's office just called and told me to eat nothing but clear liquids tomorrow because it looks like they can get me on the books for Friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As in the day after tomorrow. The day after tomorrow!!!!!! Oh my GOD.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Free Floater

I have known for quite sometime now that I need to find a new bathing suit. I have been wearing my maternity suit for almost four years. But, it's black, cute and covers my bodacious behind.

Last night, I had the privilege of hanging out with a few extra kiddos while their parents went to a concert. To kill some time, I took everyone to our pool- wearing of course my stretched out maternity suit. While I was jumping up and down and playing, I noticed that I had to keep pulling my suit up. Now, I don't know if my boobies have been shrinking because I don't nurse anymore, or if the two-tons of fabric were being weighted down by the water but the "girls" kept trying to escape.

I threw my one year old into the air and on his way down, my forearm felt some nipplage. Terrified, I looked down and sure enough one of the girls had proclaimed that they were a free boob. There she sat, bobbing in the water. I have no idea how long she was free, but the pool was quite crowded and the male life guard was staring right at me and there were tons of children around me.

Oh'well. I hope that I haven't left some poor pre-pubescent boy scarred for life.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

$$$ ~Cha-Ching~ $$$

My friend Kate told me about a cool site call Swagbucks that actually rewards you for using their search engine. Like always I resisted, but since, I have signed up and it's pretty cool. With today's economy, and since you search the internet anyways, who couldn't use free stuff! Click here if you are interested in signing up, it's free! After earning swagbucks, you can redeem them for gift cards at restaurants, stores, Amazon...etc.

Also, there is a website called Southern Savers that does all the work for you when it comes to grocery store specials, freebies and coupons. Best of all, it's free! The lady that heads SS shows you how to save tons of money on groceries and maps out exactly what you need to do to save the most and get free stuff.

Have fun saving money!

Friday, August 21, 2009


After receiving an email that was supposed to show me some scary sweetness, I came across this site looking for the broken email links.

Click here to see how other foods/beverages "stack" up in sugar cubes.

Thanks Everyone

I appreciate all of your comments on my last post. I realize that she is certainly not a winner, and I actually came home and told my husband that we have nothing in common, and I won't be spending anymore time with her.

She is NOT my best friend, nor a good friend. She is just an acquaintance from church whom I thought would be a good friend once I got to know her better. I was wrong. I almost think that my self consciousness about my weight acts as a barrier around people who so blatantly advertise their disgust about overweight people directly to an overweight person. It's just weird. We're like oil and water- we just don't mix.

Thanks again everyone, I enjoyed reading all of your takes on the situation.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

You Eat What!?

I went out with a friend from church tonight and really enjoyed doing something other than taking care of my boys. So, that was nice. But I do have a few things I need to bounce around.

First of friend is super skinny. Like 5'8" and 110 pounds skinny. Figure skater thin and muscular. Blech! Anywho- after walking around for a while, she decided to order a milkshake from Chick-fil-A and I ordered a large water- so exciting I know. While we were walking around, I decided to take the opportunity to ask her what she eats on a daily basis. I have always wanted to know what she eats- thinking that it may put my daily consumption into perspective for me. This is what she eats on any given day:
Breakfast: 2 cups or so of Lucky Charms w/milk
Snack: Bagel (normal size-yes I asked) w/butter or jelly
Lunch: Peanut butter and jelly with regular chips (not baked) and juice
Snack: 5-6 cookies (seriously)
Dinner: Chicken with rice and cheese (she says she cooks with lots of cheese)
Snack: More cereal or ice cream
Oh. My. Gawd. Can you believe it? Doesn't this sound like a lot of food for someone who is so uber-skinny? Maybe I need to eat more! ;)

Then, after that super enlightening food diary, we ended up sitting on some stools. They were the kind that went up or down using hydrolics. And guess what? Yup, when she sat down on hers, nothing. When I sat down on mine- big whoosh of air and I sunk about 12 inches below her. So not cool.

Now, a little background that I did not provide earlier in the post. This girl was the same one who announced in bible study that "fat" people "gross her out". Excuse me? She said that glutony was one of the seven sins, and that "fat" people were all sinners and needed to eat less. Oh-kay. She also told me this evening that my mother isn't exactly small. What? How did my poor mom get brought into this conversation? My mother is a perfect size 14 and is in great health thank you very much.

It is people like this that make me want to lose 130 pounds over night just to smack them in the face when I am on an even playing ground.

Holy Bananas

I just got back from Trader Joe's with a new stock of freeze dried fruit. And let me just say that their freeze dried bananas are ridiculously delicious. I know that there are worse things that I can be indulging in, but good grief, these things are super yummy! There are two servings per bag and each serving is 150 calories.

If you have a TJ's nearby- go get some! If you don't, then I feel very sorry for you.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

So Torn

I have decided to keep my decision to have surgery under wraps. Only my husband, best friend and my parents know of my plans. However, I do have another dear friend who has been weighing heavily (no puns here) on my mind.

I will call this friend, Joy. Joy and I have been friends for a LONG time, and she considers me her best friend. While we were out the other night, I happened to mention an incident that really upset me and told her that I called my friend Kate. She was immediately offended that I hadn't called her right away. "Why did you call Kate and not me?". Ugh. Kate and I have been best friends for (ever) over 20 years now and she is pretty much another half of me. She knows EVERYTHING that goes on with me; all my thoughts, all of my actions, hopes, dreams, problems.... all the ins and outs. There is NOTHING that we don't share with one another- we even share problems with weight and food addiction. I don't feel this close to my friend Joy at all.

Joy is a little pruddy- and by that I mean she comes across as being a prude. If I bring up the subject of sex or something even mildly personal, she blushes and giggles like I had crossed the line. Okay, ladies. Who out there hasn't talked about sex with their best friends? If I am her best friend, she should be able to share with me a lot more than I feel she does.

Okay, so here is my problem. What happens if/when she finds out that I had surgery? I am so afraid that she will be terribly hurt and insulted that I hadn't come forward with my plans. Honestly, the way she is, if she kept something like this from me I wouldn't be shocked at all, I would almost expect it. But she expects me to share everything with her. She has a tendency to be judgmental and I am afraid that she will tell her other friends. But again, I am afraid to hurt her feelings by not telling her now. I don't think she will understand my choice not to tell her.

What do I do?

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

I Want to Look Like This Again.....

I am the one on the right.

Okay, so the last one isn't really me. :)


Why do I have such a compulsion to keep checking my emails and Facebook? What am I expecting to happen? I think I am losing my mind. Hey! - at least I am not eating! :)

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Waffle Wake-Up

I couldn't find anything to make for dinner, and I didn't want to pile the boys in the car to pick-up fast food. After looking in the fridge and freezer at least ten times, I settled on making a few waffles.

While the waffles were toasting, my three year old said, "Mommy, ladies don't eat waffles". "What? What do you mean ladies don't eat waffles?" to which he replied, "Mommy, ladies don't eat waffles because they aren't healthy, they aren't good for your body".

I have such a HUGEmongous influence on my boys right now, and will continue to for the rest of their lives, I am sure. That is why I have got to change my life and my lifestyle. Not only for me, but for my precious boys and their children, and their children.... who knows who I will hurt in the future if I do not set a good example for my boys, now, while I can.

My List

Well, I have heard that it is a good idea to come up with a list of pros and cons of having surgery. I plan on reflecting back on this list as I continue forward on my journey. This list will be evolving, I am sure, as things progress along. In no special order, here is the beginning of my list:

  • Anesthesia- this scares me a bit. I hate the thought of leaving my two babies behind without a Mommy, or my husband without a wife.
  • risk of complications from incision or band itself
  • vomiting
  • loose skin (BUT, as Amy said, I would rather be healthy with loose skin, than obese with tight skin!)
  • Live longer! The idea of having a heart attack at the age of 45 and abandoning my family has been haunting.
  • prevent obesity related diseases
  • to set a better example for my children so that they won't travel down the same path as I have
  • more energy!
  • I am looking forward to not being so darn hot all the time-less sweating
  • to be able to once again do the activities that I have always loved and have missed so much
  • to once again feel attractive and increase the level of intimacy with my husband
  • to be able to sleep on my back without snoring from being crushed by my own weight
  • to sleep at night free of heartburn
  • once again exercise comfortably- I cannot wait to jog again!!!
  • I would love to have a lap that my kids don't slide off of.
  • shopping at ANY store for clothes
  • the resolution of my chronic foot pain and to prevent knee and hip replacements
  • I am looking forward to having an increased self-esteem.
  • not embarrassing my children in the future for being so large
  • not having to worry about fitting in/breaking chairs
  • I have always wanted to sit "Indian style" on a chair.
  • being able to cross my legs without an extreme exertion of effort
I will be adding to this list as things occur to me- there really are so many that it's hard to list them all.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Feelings and Other Men

Okay men, you have been forewarned by the title of this post. It indeed is regarding feelings- feelings of a female. So, you better scream and run now! On second thought, maybe you should stick around, you might be able to provide me with some wonderful advice.

I have been having a few emotions running around my head lately, and figured this would be the place to work some of them out.

I asked my husband lately how he would feel if I lost 100 pounds, I asked only after he asked me the same question. His reply was purely sexual. So....... Is that really what it is all about? Is that why we aren't as intimate as I would like to be? It saddens me that I turn him off that badly. As if I am not disgusted with myself enough as it is.

It is really hard to communicate with my husband, it's a bit like talking to a tree honestly. For instance:

When I say, "Honey, can we talk about a few things?"
He hears, "Come here. Sit down. And shut up. I am going to fuss at you for the next hour about how miserable you make my life and how inadequate you are as a human being".

Seriously! This is how he acts. I am a person that thrives off of communication and verbal approval, he is not. His love language is acts of service- which I try my best with. He doesn't care if I say "I love you" everyday or tell him how handsome he is, or what a great job he is doing- but I do. I need to hear those things. I have shared this with him so many times, that I feel as though I will never get through to him. I have tried writing letters, sending emails (same thing), joking around, counseling....etc.

The part that bothers me are the dreams that I have been having. I am so starved for personal love and affirmation from my husband that I dream about other men. Now, don't get all excited- there is NOTHING sexual about the dreams, at all. I don't know these "men"- they are just men. But in my dreams they portray such a sense of longing to be with me, of loving me and making me feel so valued and precious. It's kind of hard to explain. I wish I didn't have to rely on these dreams to fulfill me emotionally. Has anyone else ever experienced this?

I just don't know what to do. It has been so long since there has been any kind of healthy jealousy in our relationship, that I wonder how he will handle me being losing 100 pounds and not being such a turn-off. Okay, so basically I want there to be something more than purely sexual- I sound like every woman out there, I know. I would love for our relationship to be based on so much more. If I become thin (thinner), will he be staying with me just because I am once again attractive? or because he loves me to pieces and can't imagine life without me no matter how much I weighed?

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

I Could Use a Little Help

*Warning: Sound off below.

As many of you already know, I have two boys- one's three years old and my youngest is 20 months old. My three year old has been putting me through the ringer lately with his behavior. I was thinking he is just acting out because we have been stuck inside the house due to illness for the past week and a half. So, we woke up nice and early this morning and took a nice long walk. I was hoping some exercise and fresh air would help us all. Yeah, no. I just don't know what to do with him anymore! Everything is, NO! And now my one year old is starting to copy him. After dealing with this for several days, I am just fed up. The whining....the screaming....the fussing....the kicking.... I have just had it!

My mother-in-law is in the area, and she NEVER offers to help. NEVER. It drives me absolutely bonkers. I would just die if she picked up the phone and called me to ask if she could help in any way. When she called this morning and I told her I was going to lose it, she facetiously chuckled and started talking about herself. ARGH. Why can't she actually DO something? How about you come over to my house and visit with YOUR grandchildren so I can think straight for TWO minutes and MAYBE, just maybe, get some stink'in laundry done!?

I just wish, so badly, that the boys had a grandma that lived close by that actually gave a hoot about them. It makes me so sad that she doesn't want to take them to a park or just spend time with them. If she happens to watch them while I go to a doctor's appt. or something, she comes at the last minute and leaves just as soon as I get home.

I just need help sometimes. I need a chance to recuperate. Sorry for the rant.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

I Know You

Today was the day that I had to go for all of my pre-op testing. Because the hospital is so close to my house, I was afraid that I would see someone I knew, who would then let the questions rip. I was REALLY hoping to avoid stuttering an excuse for my beinging at the hospital for testing.

I arrived at 8:30- registration- check! All sent smooth.
At 8:50- lab work and EKG- check! Smooth sailing.
At 9:00- Ultrasound- check! Not so smooth.

When the girl called me back her face looked familiar, but I wasn't going to go there, you know? BUT, she did. When she laid me on the table, she actually asked me why I was having pre-op tests. I replied that I was considering the lap band procedure. THEN she says, "I know you!". Gah-Rate. She was my husband's best friend's wife's best friend. Did you follow that? So basically the one group of people that I definitely don't want finding out about my surgery now has a direct information source.

After that little hiccup, the barium swallow/upper GI and x-rays all went smoothly. No more friends, thank GOD!

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Not Tonight Honey, I'm Too Tired

After we ate dinner tonight, my husband decided it was time we all pile in the car and go get some ice cream. My husband's favorite dessert is a milkshake from Chick-fil-A. As I have stated in previous posts, I am not a big milkshake and ice cream fan. But, I hopped in the driver's seat and headed towards CFA.

Knowing I wouldn't be getting a milkshake, my husband asked me what I was going to get. Hmmmmmmmmmm......... What was I going to get? Some of my favorite desserts come from our local Harris Teeter bakery- they have a gourmet chef there, and their desserts are dang-er-ous.

I started heading towards the grocery store once my three men had their slurpy goodness when suddenly it hit me. I was too tired to get out of the car and walk inside the grocery store.

I drove home with nothing. It's pretty bad when you are too tired to get yourself dessert. That speaks volumes, doesn't it!? :)

Friday, August 7, 2009

Ooooooh, I am SO Hot!

I have been waiting ALL week to hear back from the surgeon's office regarding my pre-op testing appointment. I assumed I would have heard back from them by now, but I was trying to be patient. I decided to send an email inquiring as to when I could expect to get my appointment but I never got a response. So, I decided to call them.

When I called, I was able to speak with the lady who was supposed to schedule my appointment and she told me that she got my email, but that she was waiting until the billing lady returned to the office on Monday. When I asked her why, she told me it was because my $250 enrollment fee wasn't applied to the right account, and it needed to be fixed first.

NOT MY PROBLEM!!!!! I paid the make my appointment. I can't believe that!

I am so mad I am shaking. That office needs to get in gear or I am on my way to Mexico- who by the way has been in touch almost every other day to check in on me and my decision. Hmmmmmmm, American patient support versus Mexico....Mexico wins, hands down.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

It Is What It Is

I just logged onto Facebook and found out that one of my friends has posted a few recent pictures of me- and of course tagged me. So, there I am for everyone to see in all of my blubbery glory.

My first instinct was to immediately un-tag myself, but then I realized something. It is what it is. I am who I am and I can't change that right now- but I am learning to like myself. For someone who VERY carefully selected the photos I chose to post, this is quite an accomplishment of resignation on my behalf.

Just Like the Ocean

This morning, while laying on my bed, my three year old decided to "pat" my upper leg. This is what he said:

"Mommy, I'm making waves just like the ocean!".

That's my sweet boy!

Ahhhhhhh, the good'ole bowl full of jelly feeling. Jiggle, jiggle!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Weird..... Just Weird

So, today was the big day- my first bariatric surgery consultation. Upon arriving at the office this afternoon, I couldn't help but notice immediately all of the quite large waiting room chairs. After checking in at the front desk, and being smacked with a $250 "enrollment fee", I swiveled around and eyed the comfy looking chairs, but out of pride selected a smaller chair. I ended up waiting for 45 minutes and found myself questioning why I was there.

There was a little voice inside of my head that kept saying, "You don't belong here....leave....just get up and leave". It was really weird. Again, probably just pride. Once I was called back, the family nurse practitioner brought me back to a room where she very simply asked, "Do you want the lap band or gastric bypass?". Um, lap band? Was that it? No, "why are you here today....tell me about your journey....why do you think you are a good candidate for surgery?" Nothing. Just- which one?

So the FNP was a little lack luster, but the surgeon would be so much better. Right? After taking my blood pressure, listening to my heart, and of course recording my weight, she had some time to ask questions. I have to be honest, I felt like I knew more than she did. I don't know if I just did really awesome research so there was nothing I didn't know, or if she is just used to "dumb" people coming in who don't ask all the nitty-gritty questions. But I put her through the ringer. Once I was done with her, she sent me to meet with the insurance lady.

The insurance lady sat down and handed me a few pieces of paper and said, "Sign here, and here, and here, and here. You will need to have an upper GI, blood work, an EKG, a chest x-ray and a gallbladder ultrasound, what day works out better for you?". "Um, Tuesday?". "Okay, have you paid your enrollment fee?". "Yes". "Okay, because you have to pay that to proceed. You will need to call this person and this person to schedule your pysch and nutrition evaluations. Any questions?". "No, I guess not". "Okay, well you can check out right here" (as she walks me to the check-out desk).

While I was checking out, I realized that I have been told on several occasions that it is very important to feel a good connection with your surgeon. It is important to feel at ease. But....but....I never got to meet the surgeon. What the frick? I asked the lady when I will have the chance to meet the surgeon and she acted confused. "You didn't meet him today?". I told her no, and while looking puzzled she said, "Well, you'll just meet him when you come back for your test results".

WEIRD. So instead of making sure I had the chance to meet the man who will be cutting me open, and hopefully changing my life, I have to wait. I WILL be emailing the office administrator about that. Isn't that strange? How can I be asked to sign-up and pay a $250 enrollment fee for a surgery when I don't even know who the surgeon is? I plan on liking the doctor, so hopefully it won't be an issue. I have heard a lot of great things about him, so I am going to blindly trust what I have heard.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Sticky Pants

Well, tomorrow is the big day. I hope to have my questions answered and my nerves calmed. I can tell you however, that I am becoming very, very excited about having the surgery. I have moments when I am ready to jump on a plane to Mexico to "just do it already"!
My husband has been riding the fence lately, still asking me why I can't just lose weight with diet and exercise. He is a fit 180 pounds, and has never had weight issues. We went for a three mile walk yesterday and I had all I could do to keep up! It was super hot and the humidity down here in the south was around 100%. My pants were sticking to me the whole time and riding up my behind. I kept looking over my shoulder to see who was being tortured with the view of my backside. By the time we were done, I had blisters on my feet and I was drenched! One good thing that came from it was realizing that I can still walk three miles, and then some. My husband just walks too fast for my current fitness level I guess.

So here are the questions I plan on asking the surgeon tomorrow morning. Even though I know the answers to some of these questions, I want to hear what HE says.

  • How many have you performed?
  • What size band will I get?
  • Irreversible damage to stomach?
  • How many incisions do you perform?
  • Reflux? Esophageal Cancer?
  • How large is the pouch opening normally?
  • Liquids? Stretch pouch, or go right through?
  • Don't solids just go right through the hole into the larger stomach?
  • What poses the greatest risk for the need of a second surgery?
  • How common is band slippage? How common is stomach prolapse?
  • How soon do you do fills? How aggressive are you?
  • Has anyone ever paid you in nickels before?
I'll let you know how it goes!

Saturday, August 1, 2009

I have been feeling extremely anxious about my decision to look into the Lap-band surgery. I have pretty much been consumed with all possible scenarios. As a wife and mother of two, just going into surgery makes me a nervous wreck. The idea of surgery, for a worrier like myself, is a daunting one. But...I must move forward. Just having the hope that one day I will beat this makes me smile on a daily basis.

I have still been hearing off and on from my husband, "Why don't you just exercise everyday?". I cringe every time I hear it because it is so obvious. DUH. Why don't I just exercise everyday and eat less? It takes only a split second to say, and it is pure, unadulterated common sense. However, as easy as it is to say, doing it is something different entirely.

When I overeat, I become someone else. The relatively intelligent college grad that is inside my head somewhere checks out periodically while my split personality takes over to enjoy the sin of pleasure. It's like I don't even exist until the whole "ordeal" is over. And then the overwhelming self hate, regret and guilt sets in. I feel that having a tool, such as the band, will FORCE me to be held accountable and not check out. I won't have the option! I will HAVE to chew, chew, chew and pay very close attention to everything that goes into my mouth. I won't have the ability to totally tune-out.

I have heard many bandsters warn that you can overeat such things as ice cream, milkshakes...etc. I am not worried about that, because, fortunately I am not a big ice cream person. I can pass on a bowl of ice cream easily. So, I'm good in that aspect! Now, mashed potatoes are another thing- good thing we don't allow those at our dinner table anyways!

My first consult with the surgeon is this Tuesday, the 4th, and I am equally as excited as I am nervous. We still haven't heard back from BCBS yet, so fingers crossed.