FINALLY Some Movement

I've been at a plateau for so long now, I just have to post this number. I am hoping to post a #50 soon!

Rules, Schmools

Okay, so as any bandster knows, being a bandster comes with a set of "Golden Rules". I was laying in bad last night annoyed that I couldn't get any water down. I am very swollen from my fill on Thursday AND from trying to eat mushies yesterday when I was only supposed to have liquids.

So, here I am laying in bed worried about not being able to rinse out my pouch with a full 8 oz of water, when all day yesterday I repeatedly "broke" rules!!! It seems with me that some rules hold more clout than others. I usually drink with meals...I usually eat after a fill...I don't do 24 hours of liquids if I've thrown up...etc. But for some reason, I was so upset about not being able to drink my water last night! Go figure. My THS is in full effect once again. Rules exist for a reason.

So- here is my question for all of you: What one Golden Rule do you ALWAYS try to follow?

NSV #731

As my journey continues, I have been racking up the NSVs (non-scale victory). Unfortunately, as soon as I realize them- they seem to slip my mind. One that has not left me is that fact that I no longer have to move the weight to the 250+ mark on the scale. While at my midwives' office the other day, I had to start off with the weight on 200!!!

Little steps, little steps.

Think Poopy Thoughts Everyone

Here is a visual to aid in your meditation:

I LOVE My Band

After struggling ALL day to preserve any bit of control I could muster- I decided to blow it. When my husband got home from work tonight, he teased about wanting McD's. I was ALL over it. Keys in hand I took orders and flew out the door.

I decided on the way there I was going to go all out and splurge big time all the while promising myself tomorrow would be better. It took me about ten minutes to get there and I spent most of that time writing this post- writing a post about how I blew it, how I disgraced myself, how much I ate....etc.

I ordered TWO Mac Wraps for myself and looked forward to sharing my husband's fries. Once I got home I opened the white paper bag of disgusting-ness and dug in. Weeeeeeee-ell, my plans were foiled. After only two or three bites of my wrap I was full. FULL. Two or three bites! FULL.

Reality check- smack in the face. Get a grip Lynn!

I LOVE MY BAND.

It's Not Just the "Fluffies"

It's not just us "fluffies" or former "fluffies" who have/had a problem with self-constraint. SURPRISE!!! I was watching the Wednesday night comedy line-up recently and couldn't help but notice a theme to two of the shows.

The Middle is a hilarious show about a stressed out mother of three struggling to make her job and household work. During the last episode she vowed to never scream at her children again. So, when she got horribly worked up and wanted to scream, she thought, "That's okay, I can handle this. I know just what to do". She proceeded to march straight into the kitchen, opened up the pantry and started squeezing frosting directly into her mouth from the tube. Frosting always made things all better.

After The Middle, I watched The Modern Family (another hilarious show). During that show the mother is upset by her family embarrassing the snot out of her while she was trying to impress a former co-worker. What did she do? She screamed at her family, marched out the door and went straight to a burger joint where she enjoyed a burger and fries. Coincidence? I think not.

We all want to self-medicate from time to time. Like me lately- I have been medicating with candy bars because of our recent money woes. I just wish I could get it through my THS that eating doesn't help with anything expect stretching out my new smaller undies!

Quick, Call the Food Police...

...Because what I just ate ought to be a crime. Someone Pah-Leeze call all the grocery and drug stores in the state of North Carolina and ask that they no longer carry these. They must be stopped!!!

I just discovered this new little trick that Satan has up his sleeve. Stay away everybody, don't get sucked in! I won't sit here and tell you how wonderfully sinful every-single, delicious, to-die-for bite was. No, no. I wouldn't do that.

Instead, this is a public service announcement: When you see these at the check-out, run and run fast. If you find yourself being lured into a purchase, by the sumptuous whispers of the platinum sparkle of the wrapper, call for help.

Pictures: 5 Months Post-Op

I used to have to lay down and pray just to get those jean capris on! Now, they just fall off. Awesome. I am trying to make myself realize that I have made positive progress on this journey, but it's hard not to get caught up in how much further I have to go.

Thanks again for all of you- my followers. Road trips are no fun without passengers!!!

Wanted: Tyrannosaurus Rex

Does anyone happen to have a dinosaur
I can borrow?

My Family

A few of you have asked about this "husband" I talk about. I haven't posted a picture of him before, because I would like for my family to maintain some amount of anonymity. But for all of you curious out there, here is our Family's Christmas picture. I have a husband and two sons! :)

40 Down

I am officially down 40 pounds this morning! I have been waiting for this for a while. I weighed 250 back when my husband was interning for Chiropractic school. He had to use me to get some x-ray credits, and along with the x-ray came a full physical. I was so embarrassed that he was going to find out what I weighed.

When the moment came for me to step on the scale, my husband's "assistant" (another student) and his professor all gathered around. Why? I guess they were all dying to see how big I was. When the number popped up, my husband looked at me and asked, "How is that possible?". I must have turned every shade of red. I thought I would die from embarrassment.

I didn't die. Instead, I managed to pack on another 40 pounds over the course of our marriage. Those 40 pounds are gone now, and I couldn't be more relieved. Oh wait, yes I could. I could be at goal weight. But, that's for another day. But the day WILL come! I am so excited.

Thanks so much for ALL OF YOUR SUPPORT during my journey. This journey would be so much rockier without all of you.

Jiggle, Jiggle

I am ashamed. I ought to be shot. Tonight I did something that I will forever regret.

My husband has been putting on some weight over the past few months- I'm losing it and he's finding it. He is growing increasingly aware of the situation and is becoming uncomfortable with his pant size. My husband has always been a solid size 34 and has held steady at around 175-180 pounds for as long as I have known him. But, lately his 36s are starting to feel tight and his tummy is starting to dun-lap over. I'll get to the point, I promise.

Because he is uncomfortable, he has delegated me to be the one to "remind" him of his little bulge problem, especially when he requests fast food or ice cream late at night. I have been sure to keep the freezer stocked with Weight Watcher's ice cream bars for him. Soooooooo....this evening he ended up getting a milkshake from a certain "chicken chain".

After a while, I looked over at him and said, "Okay Honey, are you still hungry? Do you really want to finish that? Put it down". THEN....oh, my gosh....THEN I proceeded to reach over to his side of the car and I....I....I jiggled his belly with my hand. (Head being thrown into my hands in disgust)

Oh the horror. Of all the monstrosities I could inflict on my poor husband whom I love to death. I seriously did that. For that moment, for that one little moment in time, I was totally that "person" who jiggles you to show you how fat your are!!!

I have stooped to a new low.

He said he didn't care, but I VOWED TO NEVER DO THAT AGAIN to ANYONE!!! I told him I felt SO bad that I was going to go straight home and eat. ;) At least that provided a laugh to break the tension.

Recent Diagnosis

Dear Fellow Bloggers,

I hate to make you aware of this, but I must be honest. I have recently diagnosed myself with a severe case of "Thick Head Syndrome", also known as THS or Dumb Blonde.

My prognosis depends on my ability to get something through my thick skull.

Apparently, I have been in denial regarding my recent weight loss surgery. After struggling with weight loss for at LEAST the last 20 years, it hasn't sunken in that I am actually going to lose weight. Me. I am. Lynn is not going to be "fluffy" forever.

Whenever my husband makes simple comments, such as "When you are down to 170 pounds, you are going to love shopping!", there is a small part of me that wants to smack him! How dare he just assume that it will be so easy to lose all this weight on my own. But then, I realize that I am not doing it alone. Not only do I have all of you, but I have my band!!! Dur.

My husband has faith in my journey, but I keep forgetting what path I am on. I am so used to going down the wrong road, that my THS keeps kicking in.

When is it going to sink in that I AM going to be successful? That I don't have to be this way forever? That I have been equipped with a wonderful tool to help me?

Do any of you suffer from THS?

Bed, Bath & Beyond

Hello all of my fellow bloggers!

I will post a poopy update later today :).

But for now, do any of you have a coupon for BB&B? I would LOVE to find one that was good for 20% off an ENTIRE purchase.

Let me know.

THANKS!

The Truth About Poop

The truth about poop you ask?
The truth is that sometimes you find yourself thinking
about poop much more than you ever have before. Especially
when it's been eleven days since you were forced to think about it.
LORD help me.

The Blubber Blues

This blubbery blogger is feeling.....well.....blubbery. I hate to admit it, but I am in one heck of a crappy place right now. I can't stop eating left over Christmas cookies, even though I should just put them in the trash instead of treating my body as the trash can.

I just sucked down a LARGE milkshake from Chick-Fil-A, something I NEVER do, and I am feeling pretty darn blue.

Crap. Crap. Crap.

Here wagon, wagon, wagon.

Travelling Clothes

A fellow blogger, JEN, was so kind to send me some of the clothes that she has shrunk out of! I am like a small child on Christmas morning.....so excited.

Here I am in a gorgeous Ralph Lauren sweater that I very well may never take off.

THANK YOU JEN!!! and to ALL of you who have offered to send some new duds my way!!!

Rant'in And A Rave'in

Today's Rant:

Why must department stores put the "Today's Woman" department in a "special" place that cannot be found without having to ask for help? Seriously, as if we didn't already feel alienated enough, they make us shop upstairs and in the back corner.

Gross.

Need Help. Fashion Emergency.

Okay ladies (and gents!), I am down 35 pounds as of this morning, and my clothes are starting to suffer because of it. I was looking at myself in the mirror last night and my jeans are starting to look like parachute pants!

There are two pairs of pants, one pair of jeans and a pair of dressier pants, and a small handful of shirts that I can wear. I am getting tired of wearing the same thing every other day, but I don't want to spend money on new clothes right now! What do I do? What have you done?

How have you transitioned smoothly from one size to another without breaking the bank!?

Added December 28th- I need size 18/20 (1xl) tops and pants for those of you who have anything to pass along. I promise I will pay it forward!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!!!

I hope your day is full of peace, health and family. Enjoy this special day.

34 Lost

It's almost 2:00 am and I am up because my three year old has pneumonia. I have given up trying to sleep in between his coughing, um excuse me, hacking spells for the past four nights. I feel so bad for him!

Oh, sleep....where are you....why must you elude me so. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Funky

I'm officially in a funk today.

I have a UTI (urinary tract infection).

I have gained a few pounds over the past few days. (?)

Everyone is irritating me.

I am down right nasty today.

Blech.

Just Another Non-Scale Victory

Last night before going to bed my husband thanked me for being such a good little "housewife" lately. He was referring to the amount of laundry, bed stripping and overall chores and tasks I have been completing lately. Which leads me to this:

If you are not sitting on the couch for hours a day stuffing your face,
you have a TON more time to list/sell/mail things on Ebay, do laundry
run errands, take naps!, clean.....etc.

Just another non-scale victory.

I have however, come across at least two things that are bad about losing weight. Yeah, I said it. Bad! The first being, as you lose weight, your hips start to disappear. This is not so wonderful if you have a two year old that likes to sit on them and be held all day long. I am having to use muscles I have never used before to keep my little bugger in place! Second, my jewelry. I am a jewelry whore. I have quite a few sterling silver rings that cannot be sized and most are a size 9. When I wear my size 9 rings now, they spin around and usually fall off. So, I hope my husband plans on making a few extra dollars here soon, because I need to increase my size 8 collection!

Oh yeah, see you later pound number 33!

Brrrrrrrr, Chilly Brrrrrrrrrr

I am down 32 pounds this morning, but still find myself in a weird funk. I am terribly grouchy today! Geesh, losing a pound used to be euphoric for me and would last at least two days. Am I getting greedy? Maybe. But I think my head is just in a strange place today because last night I laid in bed thinking about how exciting it would be to see 258.

On another note....

I wrote on the LapBand forum recently about experiencing chills, cold hands and feet, and not being able to become warm enough to fall asleep at night, even with an electric blanket, two comforters and a sheet. When I brought it up with my surgeon he said that was perfectly normal. He said once we start losing weight, our bodies have to learn how to account for the sudden loss of fat. Basically, its as though we have been comfortable under a 30 pound blanket for years, and then all of a sudden we throw it off! So we start to feel cold.

Okay, I promise I am going somewhere with this. Bear with me... I was laying in bed last night talking with my husband, and warming my icy hands under his back, and we started talking about how my metabolism has to learn to warm up. Then an AHH-HA! moment.

Try to follow me here. If we continue to smother our bodies with a fat laden coating, our bodies have to cool down, right? So, it would make sense that our bodies cool down by slowling down our metabolism to produce less heat, right? And of course when our metabolisms slow down, we gain weight easier. Essentially the more weight we pack on, the harder it is to lose it because our metabolism slows down. So maybe, just maybe, as we begin to lose weight, our metabolisms will have to kick in a bit to keep our bodies warm, burning more calories.

This theory of mine makes all the sense in the world to my biology/chemistry major brain late at night.

You might also find this tid-bit interesting; when we lose weight, we actually lose fat around our inner ear, and until our body finds a new equilibrium, it can make us feel dizzy. Pretty interesting, huh?

Starting to See Myself

This journey sure has been an interesting and very enlightening one. During the course of my life I have only gained. And if I had lost any weight, it was going right back on, and quickly.

Last year we got our Christmas picture taken as a family. I was hoping and praying that it would turn out okay, and by okay I mean me not looking like a giant heifer. Once our picture was presented to us I was overjoyed with what I saw! I was SO happy with it. As a matter of fact, I assumed the photographer must have done a little photo-shoppy shop on my face because it looked so much less "swollen" looking. I framed that picture and have it proudly hanging in our house for all to see.

I see that picture, everyday, several times a day in fact. And one thing I have noticed is how "fluffy" my face looks to me in that picture now. It's amazing to me. I have only lost a little over 30 pounds and I am already used to my "new face" in the mirror looking back at me.

In the past, successful weight loss was defined for me as severe, hospital worthy "morning sickness" with my two pregnancies. It's so weird to see myself changing, and I really like what I see. I am starting to notice my waist again, my bras continue to become looser, my jeans are baggy and my chronic foot issues are starting to resolve. I can only daydream about how wonderful these next few months are going to be as I transform into who I have always pictured myself being. The person I have always felt like, the person I have always been on the inside. A happy, confident person.

The 250s !!!!

Yay! It feels so good to see 259 on the scale this morning. It's been a L O N G time since I was firmly planted in the 50s. Now, I am already feeling impatient for the 40s!

My last fill has left me a bit too tight. I haven't been able to eat more than a half of a banana or a cracker here or there. It's even hard to get liquids through, but when the fill was first done, liquids went through just fine, so I am probably swelling quite a bit. I am going to give it through the weekend and see how I feel on Monday before going for an un-fill. I am so excited to finally have restriction, but this might be a smidgen too much. For the first time though, I understand when people say they can only eat 1/4 cup of mushies. I'm there.

Seeing is Believing....Right?

I've made an interesting observation over the past few weeks, and wanted to discuss it with all of you.

Last summer, I was able to lose 30 pounds. On my own. Through good old fashioned hard work and exercise. BUT, I GAINED IT ALL BACK and then some. Welcome to my life. That was the last straw for me. I couldn't imagine living my life always wondering when I would be "fluffy" again IF I had managed to lose weight again. Hence my decision to finally explore WLS after struggling with my weight for 20+ years.

Anywho, last year I had everyone tell me how wonderful I was looking and how my weight loss was very obvious. I couldn't bump into anyone without them noticing. My mother-in-law would carry on and try to touch me in all of the places I was thinning out. It was a great feeling...not being touched by my MIL, but having everyone notice!

BUT, I have noticed that this time is different. I have lost 30 pounds in about 3 months and no one really says anything. It's weird. Do you think that maybe people are scared to carry on like they did before fearing that I will just put it all back on again? I don't know what to think.

Now, I do realize that me feeling better, my clothes fitting better, my relationship with my husband improving....etc. is really all that matters. But I am just left scratching my head about whether or not people can tell. On another note... some farewells are in order for pounds number 29 and 30. Sianara suckers! :)

Another One Bites the Dust

Doot, doot, doot... another one bites the dust! Hit me.
And another one gone, and another one gone,
Another one bites the dust.

Another One Gone!

Sorry if this is obnoxious, but I really have to make a special point to celebrate every pound lost. It is way too easy for me to get down on myself and feel like a failure.

Oh yeah, and I forgot to mention that now I am no longer morbidly obese, just severely.

Only 99 To Go!

I haven't been feeling well lately, so please excuse my absence from Bloggyland. I have been trying to keep up, but have failed miserably.

After suffering with a sore throat virus, that turned into a throat infection and having to take antibiotics, I went straight into a nasty head/chest cold. I am sure you know the one, you are probably suffering from it as well! If so, I hope you feel better VERY soon!

So...because I have been feeling like crap (for lack of a better word) lately, I haven't been able to exercise. I am now down to 264 (I ALWAYS start typing a 1 instead of a 2!), but I am afraid that might be from muscle loss after not really working out for the past four weeks. BUT, I am going to celebrate nonetheless.

With my new low, I officially have less than 100 pounds to lose before hitting my goal. FINALLY. I am out of the triple digits!

Thanksgiving went extremely well and I am going for another fill next Tuesday. Not only am I not losing as fast as I would hope, but I am able to chew normally without really getting stuck. Two days after Thanksgiving, we had not one, but TWO cakes in the house for my little guys 2nd and my Mom's 60th birthdays. Temptation, temptation, temptation.

One major NSV that I am loving, is the fact that my husband and I are flirty and frisky once again. It's been a L O N G time since I remember him getting touchy feely with me. YAY!

100 pounds to Go!

Today is the day folks. The day where we either stuff our faces and die of guilt for weeks to come why we try to burn off our celebration, or the day where we can enjoy small portions, blessings and family.

I plan on the latter.

I woke up to wonderful news this morning....25 pounds down! So, I would love to keep it that way.

AND....drum roll please.......

After finally discussing my little "problem" with my husband last night, we frolicked and voila....AHHHH-CHOOOOOO!!! Yup, I sneezed! Whoo-hoo.

If you are confused by this, read my last post. :)

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!!

Effects of Effexor

Well, this is going to be one of my first real candid, gone way too far, provided way too much information, make you blush post. So, sit back, open up your mind and let me know if you can relate.

I have been on Effexor now for about four months. However, I recently discovered that I have been taking the generic form, which is fine, but the generic is not a slow release. When I was taking it, it was dumping into my system too quickly and making me feel like I was going to die (headache, dizzy, sweats, nausea)... literally. But, I had gotten used to it. I happened to mention how awful it makes me feel while I was at my doctor for a sore throat last week, and he switched me to the REAL Effexor which is slow release.

Weeeeeee-eeeelll, there has been a not so nice side effect since I started taking the real stuff. Lately, when my hubby and I "frolic", I have been having a problem with the "CHOO" part. As in a sneeze with an aaahhhh, Ahhhhhh, but no AHHHHH CHOO! if you catch my drift. It's so frustrating!

Have any of you experienced a similar side effect? Did it subside?

Hold The Phone....

It's NEW MOON Friday! (Insert high-pitched squeal here.)

At long-last...we meet again my dearest Edward.

Tourettes Syndrome Moment

You know those moments in a movie when you can't believe that the movie just took that kind of turn, only to find out that the actor was imagining a tourette like outburst, but it didn't really happen? Well, I can't help but notice that whenever I am around a person/group of people that I do not wish to know about my surgery, I flirt with the idea of just screaming out "I had Lap-Band surgery!". Then I snap back into reality. Anyone else flirt with disaster?

Anyone? Anyone?

Fill'er Up.....or Not

I went in for my third fill yesterday. But after reviewing my "case", my surgeon's PA decided that I wouldn't be getting a fill. His reason? I had lost too much weight. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Seriously? Too much!? He wanted to see around 2-6 pounds in a month, but I had lost 10 according to their scales, so no fill for me because he feels I am obviously working the band properly and don't need more restriction.

I do have to say that I seem to be getting stuck a lot and having to run to the bathroom for quite a bit of PB'ing lately. Do any of you notice that your restriction changes from day to day?

Sometimes I can eat anything and other days I can't even think about eating something that isn't the consistency of mashed potatoes. It's just weird.

Back From the Beach

Hey everyone!!! I got back from the beach just a few hours ago, and boy do I need to make a few confessions.

My friend and I ate like food was going out of style. It was pretty bad. Reese's Cups, Butterfingers, Dr. Peppers, cake, Whoppers, doughnuts...and I don't even like sweet foods! Ugh. My body is probably going to be sooooo sore and stiff for the next few days until all the poison is cleansed.

I am going to go and workout and hopefully burn off at least ONE doughnut. I feel like such an idiot! The only good news is that I got overeating out of my system for quite a long time. I never did tell my friend about me being banded, but she did tell me she was worried about me because I wasn't eating us much as I normally do at meals. HA! Funny.

I will update with a post tomorrow to divulge my rebellious weight gain.

101 To Go

After feeling a loss coming today, I searched for the perfect number "23". But, upon stepping on the scale this morning, I was surprised to find out that I should have been looking for a "24"!!!

I can't wait until I have less than 100 to lose. I am afraid that that might be a while, however, since I have a beach trip planned for this weekend. The plan is to stick to eating right, but I probably won't get any exercise in.

On another note, I took my boys to a play space full of bouncy houses the other day. Now, the last time I went, I left my shoes on and watched my boys struggle to surmount the obstacles because there was now way in HE!! that I was going to put my fluffy self onto one of those things and embarrass the snot out of myself in front of all of the skinny Moms. BUT, this time I threw off my shoes and had a blast with the boys. I am tired of waiting to live my life. And I didn't worry for two seconds what anyone thought of me, it was great. Let me tell you, those slides are scary!

Have a GREAT day everyone!!!

Small shout out for poor little pound 23.

Another One Down, 103 To Go

Whoo-hoo! Number 22!

I was afraid that the scale wouldn't be so kind to me this morning after munching on my boys' Halloween goodies, but after my 65 minute workout on the elliptical last night, I was sweetly rewarded.

My resistance muscle is growing stronger and stronger everyday and eating better is getting easier. I was at Starbucks with a few friends late one night, and they were giving away all of their goodies. I had my eye on a slice of lemon pound cake and I wanted it SO bad. So, I hatched a plan. I asked for that and one other piece of pound cake and requested that they cut them into multiple little squares for us. They happily obliged and I was able to enjoy ONE little square and stop there. It was so yummy!

I also had another NSV the other morning. About a month ago, I went out to eat with a friend and wore a pair of 20 jeans that were WAY too tight. After laying down on the floor to button them, I wore them hoping that I wouldn't be able to eat much. When I tried the same jeans on a few days ago- they were too big! Amazing.

After being "fluffy" (thanks Amy for that very politically correct word) for all of my adult life, I am still having a hard time accepting my inner diva starting to emerge. I am hoping that I don't sabotage myself due to some perverse fear of finally being happy.

Two Month Bandiversary Stats

Well, it's been two months ago today since my band surgery and here are the current stats:

October 29, 2009 (Two months after Lap Band Surgery)
Weight: 269 (-21) (Hence the "21" balloon!)
Left Arm- 17 " (-1)
Right Arm- 17" (-1)
Left Thigh- 33" (-2)
Right Thigh- 33" (-2)
Left Calf- 19.5" (-1)
Right Calf- 19.5" (-1)
Hips- 56" (-.5)
Bust- 45" (-3)
Waist- 43" (-4.75)
44.1% fat (-6%)

TOTAL Inches lost: 16.25

Size 22/24 to start and currently a size 18/20.

I am very pleased with my results so far and hope that by next month's stats, I will have lost a little bit more of my stubborn butt and hips! :) I weighed 269 when I got married 6.5 years ago, so I am so happy to see that number again this morning.

My First Vlog

Ham Hocks, Waves and Butts

I sneaked away the other day long enough to pick up some badly needed groceries. After being trapped inside the house for six days, we had no food! (Which could be a good thing for me- but not so much for my boys!)

While I was standing at the deli ordering some meat and cheese, I couldn't help but notice an 18 pound ham hock. Good grief, that thing was huge! I couldn't believe I had lost an equivalent, and then some, to this HUGE slab of meat and bone. Just crazy. And, equally as crazy is that I have about 6 more of them to go! I need to take a picture of it the next time I go to the store.

I picked up some avocado, sprouts and sliced chicken for sandwiches and I decided to grab some of the recently advertised Arnold's 100 calorie multi-grain, thin slice sandwich bread. So today for lunch, I piled avocado, sprouts and chicken onto the bread and it was to die for! I must have ooohed and aaaahed after ever bite and surely drove my husband crazy. It's my new favorite lunch. Mmmmmmmmm. It felt good to have a healthy and yummy lunch after all we have been going through with illness with my three year old. I have been craving nothing but crap!

Switching noodles here-
This morning while cuddling with my boys, my oldest decided it would be fun to "kick" my leg. After his initial kick he curiously asked, "Mommy, what's inside your leg?". Laughter ensued when he realized that Mommy had waves under her skin. SO NOT FUNNY! Sigh.

AND

When I was looking back at my pre-op pictures, I had scrolled down far enough to get a wide view of my rear view. That was it, nothing but my big'ole bah-dunk-a-dunk was visible and my soon-to-be two year old excitedly proclaimed, "It's Mommy!". Uh, that obvious huh.

I am looking forward to the day when my legs don't remind my boys of the ocean and when my butt is easily confused with the butts of others.

H1N1

My boys' health has taken a turn for the worst. Both of my little guys are sick now. My three year old has been vomiting for the past five days and today he has been weak and lethargic with a high fever. I am fearing the H1N1 virus and I am worried sick about them. I am on my way to bring them to the doctor's.

Please say a prayer for them.

And of course, the last thing I can even think about right now is losing weight, but I won't give up.

Attack of the Bug

My family has been attacked by the stomach flu. So, needless to say the weekend completely SUCKED! My three year old has been really sick since Saturday morning and he continues to throw-up all over himself. My poor baby has it coming out both ends. It's not pretty.

Off to go bathe and do more laundry. I hope this is over today, LORD willing.

Wait, Let Me Get My Pants On

Okay, so I need to explain the title of this post, but I have to tell the story from the beginning.

I was sitting at my kitchen table clipping coupons, and I decided to start singing. I was making my boys laugh by belting out "Born Free" at the top of my lungs, opera style. I should tell you that I was doing all of this in my undies (my boys don't care, they're used to it!). Still singing, I heard someone knock at the door. Knowing I wasn't dressed, I panicked for a second and ran to the front door to see who was there.

I looked out and saw my husband's friend's truck. He came to build some shelves in the garage for us. Anywho- I knew he needed the garage door to be opened, so I walked over to the interior garage door and swung it open in preparation to open the outside door. SURPRISE!!!

There he stood. Already inside the garage...on the steps...two feet from me. I almost DIED! I quickly hid behind the door and he covered his eyes. SO EMBARRASSING. Especially since this guy is young, in great shape, and is very much into eating healthy. And there I stood...all 270 pounds of me...in my undies. How attractive.

He just stood there and asked if he could use the bathroom, neither of us knew what to do, it was so awkward. So, after I announced that I needed to get my pants on, in he came.

I don't know what is more embarrassing, being caught in my undies, or knowing that he was standing at my door while I was belting out opera. Needless to say, he didn't make eye contact with me for the rest of the day.

If anything, this occurring and having two people tell me in one day that I have such a pretty face, has only provided some serious fuel for my fire. Burn on!!!

So Sad For You...

...number 272. You're gone! I originally planned on celebrating every five or tens pounds. BUT, I've decided that for now, I am going to celebrate every-single pound that I lose. Hello 271. I am so excited to see the 60's again, I can't wait! :)

FINALLY! :)

Whoo-hoo! YES! FINALLY!!!
After going back and forth from 275.4 to 277, I finally showed
275 who is boss. When I stepped on the scale this morning, I was so determined to
see 274, that when I first looked down I was disappointed because the 4 wasn't there.
But, upon closer inspection, the 4 was a 2! Hallelujah!!! Hello 272, don't get comfortable, you won't be around long.

Okey-Dokey Folks, I Did It!

This morning I had my second fill with my doctor's office's PA. Okay, let me just say he totally rocked! For the first time, I have had an overwhelmingly positive experience at the office, and I told him that.

It was his enthusiasm for me and my goals that led me to finally do it. I finally ate right and followed the plan since right after surgery. I had a protein shake for breakfast, a protein shake for lunch, a serving of peanut butter pretzels (150 cals.) for a snack and another shake for dinner. All-in-all, I would say no more than 900 calories for the day. AND, I was able to get in a one hour hike.

I have to say, I feel so wonderful compared to the all of the other evenings I have gone to bed feeling like a failure. I have been grasping for some hope from someone/somewhere only to keep failing myself. But, today was different. I made a special point to put myself first and hold myself accountable. Although I wasn't supposed to have solids today, I was proud that I stopped with a single serving of the pretzels instead of telling myself I blew it anyways only to eat even more.

The PA put in another 1.5 ccs so now I have a total of 4.5. He originally put in 2, but I wasn't able to swallow water so he backed out .5 ccs.

I am going to bed looking forward to tomorrow instead of praying that I don't fail once again.

I Just Got My Arse Kicked

I decided to go for a bike ride tonight and throw in some fresh air with my exercise. I learned that exercising on the elliptical everyday is NOT the best workout. The bike ride totally WHOOPED my ARSE, big time.

I can barely move!

Uh-oh, I Really Think I am Losing it

Folks, I have a serious problem. I CANNOT for the life of me get my act together. I have been eating lately like there is an actual threat of food going out of style.

Yesterday, I ate a bowl of cereal and some chicken salad around 4:00pm and declared that that would be my dinner, and I would eat nothing else for the rest of the day. THEN, my friend called and reminded me that we had dinner plans. Great. So, I ordered a taco and ate chips and salsa and sucked down a HUGE Dr. Pepper.

Determined to make today better, I woke up with plans to get some laundry done and finish with some house cleaning. All was going well until my three year old announced to me that my soon-to-be two year old had literally drained half of the tub's water onto the floor. The whole bathroom was flooded. The bathroom rug was under an inch of water and my bedroom carpet was soaked. I LOST IT. I screamed so loud at my children that I actually peed in my pants and scared the crap out of myself in the process. Now, I do have to say that between an upset belly and my little guy playing go-fetch with Me and his pacis all last night, I probably got 3 hours of sleep and no more than 30 in one stretch. So, I am dealing with some exhaustion today.

My head is messed up and to help fix it I have administered one King size Reese's pumpkin, an order of cheese sticks from Sonic and a small strawberry slushy. So, it is 2:30 and I have easily packed away all of my calories for the day already.

I need to be honest here, I'm worried about myself.

My Motivation for the Day...

This is what 15 pounds of fat looks like (each blob is 5 pounds):

Randomness....

This post is going to be completely random, so hold onto your socks 'cause here we go.

First of all, I am getting kind of humphed with my dear hubby. I hope he means well, but I have been hearing things come out of his mouth that make me want to slap it. One thing in particular that is really getting my goat is that the band is not working, and won't work.

Now let's see. The only way that I could possibly relate how hurtful those kinds of statements are was to go below the belt, so that is exactly what I did. I simply asked him if he had a tee-tiny little peenie and the WHOLE world could see and know about it and he was ridiculed and made fun of for how ridiculously small it was- would he appreciate me telling him his peenie extender was a joke and wasn't going to work? I know this is a giant stretch (no pun intended), but I didn't know how else to portray to him how frustrating it is to not have his support and enthusiasm.

Next, is my poor mother. I called her the other day to tell her how frustrated I am becoming with the lack of scale movement even though I have been exercising 1.5 to 2 hours a day and that I am eating 1/4 of what I used to. Her response? "Well Honey, maybe you need to start exercising". Yeah. Thanks for listening. AND, she keeps asking me questions about how much I can eat and if I am still over-eating.

I definetly have more to learn about living with my new band friend (poor little thing still doesn't have a name). It seems like I am getting stuck a little too often- I need to learn how to take smaller bites and chew, chew, chew more before my next fill. And speaking of getting stuck, how do you fellow bandsters deal with getting stuck in public? I had to excuse myself to the restroom the other night while eating out and quickly hurried for the nearest stall. The restaurant was almost empty so I was looking forward to a scantily occupied bathroom. Unfortunately, the bathroom was small and very busy. I couldn't help but wonder if the people "sitting" in the stalls next to me noticed that my feet were facing the toilet. I was afraid that people were going to think I was in there making myself get sick. So ladies, how do I deal with that?

AND, the best for last. The scale moved 2.6 pounds this morning! Hip-hip-hooray! Now, I am still sitting at 275.2 which means a total loss of 14.8 pounds, but I'll take it seeing how I haven't seen 275 in a few weeks.

That's it for now. Thanks for reading my totally random post!!!

My Hair is Going to Come Out...

but not because of my surgery. No, no. I am going to pull my hair out any given second now. I have waited and waited before posting this entry, because I have been hoping that I wouldn't have to.

I have been eating GREAT. I have been working out for almost TWO HOURS a day- 45 minutes or so on the elliptical machine and then 15 minutes of ab and muscle work in the morning and before bed. Sound great, right? Well, could someone pah-leeze explain to me why I have been playing ping-pong now with the same three pounds!? I lost 15 pounds in the blink of an eye right after the surgery, and now nothing. Absolutely nothing. It has been over a month and my scale sits stagnant.

After my last post about my whopping one pound loss, it showed up again on the scale this morning. I am working so hard to lose this weight, but it keeps finding me!

I am beyond frustration. What gives? I really think I am just going to start crying and not be able to stop. My dear Amy reiterated to us all how important it is NOT to compare, but I had major weight loss surgery here folks, and other bandsters are doing so well.

I have been doing my best to remain positive and stick with it, but I really needed to vent.

1 Pound

I was happy to see that my scale no longer resents me this morning. It accepted my apologies by gifting me with a 1 pound loss.

I happily announced the news to my husband, to which he replied, "One pound, huh. And that's a big deal? I mean I can lose a pound in ten seconds."

Thanks honey, I know. I know.

I've Had my Fill and Then Some

Well, I had my first fill last Thursday, I just stink at blogging lately. Sometimes I feel that I shouldn't blog unless I have something profoundly wise or positive to contribute.

My fill went swimmingly. I was a little apprehensive, but after a quick pinch and a little burn it was all done! The FNP added 3 cc s, and I quickly scheduled my next fill for the 7th of October. I am NOT wasting any time messing around with finding my "sweet spot".

I have found that food does not go down as well as it has been, so I can definitely feel the increase in restriction. BUT, I am still having a problem not eating too much. I am confusing the "stuck" feeling with fullness and vice versa. Am I full? Should I stop? My head hunger has been getting in the way. It is hard to wrap my head around eating less when my brain tells me I haven't eaten enough. It's very strange. So, just like I wrote in my last post, I am working hard at forming new, healthier habits.

I had to grab Wendy's while I was out and about today, and I opted for a kid's meal with chicken nuggets and a diet coke. I was only able to eat the nuggets because french fries are a big no-no for me. In the past my meal would have been MUCH LARGER. My left over "sick" self is constantly thinking of ways to sabotage myself. I need to get a grip! I have days where I just set myself up for failure. I have failed at all of my last attempts, so I am obviously going to fail again. The little voice needs to find a new tag line, because that one is getting old!

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

Now that food isn't the love of my life, I have found a new passion. SHOPPING. It's bad. Really, really bad. I buy and return. Buy some more and then return some more. Buy. Buy again. Feel guilty when my husband threatens that we have to sell our house. Wait a few days. Buy. Return and return. *SIGH* I am deep in the throws of trying to complete my sons' wardrobes for the Fall/Winter so I unfortunately have an excuse. I buy sale items and then return them when they go further on sale only to buy them again. I have made a nifty little game out of saving as much moola as possible while spending money. It keeps me busy.

Ahhhhh, yes. A fellow blogger just reminded me- in addition to shopping, cleaning and doing laundry (yes, laundry) have actually become a pastime as well.

Old Habits Die Hard. Real Hard.

I drove home from my parents' house today and I am exhausted. I decided it would be a good idea to stop for lunch at one of our favorite burger joints when my little ones' hunger began protesting while still on the road. What did I get? A grilled chicken sandwich with an ice water? Nope. I ordered a HUGE Mr. Pibb, a large cheese burger, a milkshake and a large french fry.

Ha, ha, ha, as if!

My poor nutrition deprived brain wasn't thinking, like always, and I fell right into 30 years of old habits. The good news?

I wasn't able to eat it all, not even close. I only nibbled on my burger, ate 2-3 fries, drank a few sips of my soda and the milkshake was a complete bust. THANK GOD FOR MY BAND. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

Now that I am home I am completely devoted to getting right back on track. I am going to exercise tonight and plan on eating a VERY light dinner. I am so looking forward to my fill THIS Thursday! Woot!

NSVs

I finally had some NSVs today- two weeks after my surgery. I have been feeling poorly about not losing weight quicker than I have been, so having some non-scale victories were certainly welcome!

We had a get together with a bunch of friends tonight and I was scrounging for something to wear. I grabbed my jean capris and hesitantly pulled them up. Now, normally I have to s-q-u-e-e-z-e into them and suck in my stomach as much as possible to button them up. I expected the squeezing to be worse because they had just come out of the dryer!

But, to my surprise- right up they went, and no sucking in was required! Woo-hoo. There was even some extra room so they didn't look like they were painted on me.

Once we got to the gathering I noticed the spread- chips, dips, cookies, brownies, soda.... the works. I realized that nothing looked appealing to me...nothing. I didn't even feel hunger or that I needed to use self-restraint. Another NSV. Normally in social settings, I eat out of nervousness and because the food looks so darn good! Not tonight. Not a single nibble.

The scale has started to move down again, not by much, but it's moving. I'll take slow and steady in the right direction anyday over being 50 pounds heavier this time next year.

I hope you have a great weekend!

The Damage & The Damage

It has been a week and four days since my surgery and a LOT has happened. My best friend came for a visit to help care for me and the boys and we ended up going to Myrtle beach over the weekend. The change of scenery was great, but my food selection, not the best. I did what I could and nibbled here and there, and chewed, chewed and chewed well! When I left I was down to 275 from 290 and I expected to be in the 260s by the time I got home because of how little I could eat, that and I ended up with a fluky stomach bug and was sick at both...well you know the rest.

But, alas, upon my return home the scale read 277. I am going to forget the scale and concentrate on healing for now. I also realize that my appetite is going to increase from here until my first fill in about another three weeks or so. I am prepared for that, but also discouraged that the hunger monster is already rearing it's ugly head. Now...on to the damage:

Check this out!:

(And this doesn't include the $3,000 worth of pre-op testing. CRAZY. $27,000 in all.)

1 week, four days Post-op:

1 Day after Surgery:

5 Days In

It's been five days since I was banded, and things are going pretty well. I arrived at the hospital at 10:15 on Saturday morning and was called back about 45 minutes later to begin prepping for surgery. Everyone was very nice and things progressed smoothly. I had to strip down and put on the hospital gown and compression hose. When it was time to put on my gown, I noticed that the nurse had dropped off an extra one- just in case. Well, the extra one was the size of a small house, so in order to preserve a shred of my dignity, I put on the smaller one which fit just fine.

Once my IV was in and my belly was all washed I was off to the second holding room where they fitted me with a gorgeous hospital hairnet. I was there for a total of 10 minutes or so and then I was whisked away into the operating room. Once I got there, it seemed like ten different people confirmed who I was and what surgery I was going to have. (I guess they didn't want to amputate the wrong leg! :)) Of course the room was freezing, but all the techs. were super nice and they moved like there was a race to be won- which was a little unnerving. One lady was strapping me down and placing warm towels on my body while another was placing "boots" on my lower legs which massaged them during the surgery to increase circulation and help prevent blood clots from forming. That felt nice for all of two minutes, because before I knew it, the nurse anesthetist told me she was putting something in my IV to help calm me and I passed out a second later. I was gone.

"Diane...Diane....you need to cough for me honey. Diane? Diane, you need to breath honey, you're not breathing....come on honey....breath."

Where was I? And who the heck was Diane? Oh no! Maybe they DID preform the wrong surgery after all.

I finally came around and the nurse took out the intubation tubing that was still in my throat.

"Diane, honey you need to breath."

No, no, my name is Lynn.

"Diane, I know it hurts, but I can't give you any more morphine."

No, my name is L y n n. (I couldn't talk because my throat was all sore and scratchy.)

"Diane, I can't give you any more pain medicine because you have already had too much, that is why you are having a hard time breathing."

No, my name is LYNN. Finally it came out.

"Oh, I am so sorry. My sisters' names are Lynn and Diane and when I heard your name, I was thinking I wouldn't forget it".

PHEW. That means the right surgery had been preformed after all.

Right then, my surgeon came around the corner and told me that everything went smoothly and that I was all done. I nodded and went back to sleep. I woke up in the recovery room where my husband was able to join me. My husband told me that the surgeon said that my hernia was more severe then he had suspected, so I immediately assumed that I was no longer a candidate for single incision surgery and expected to see five or six holes. They kept me there for about an hour and made sure that I could walk, pee and drink water. The water tasted nasty so I made my husband drink it, but only after making sure that I could keep a few swallows down. While I was getting dressed I looked down at my poor belly only to see a beat up belly button and one small little hole just below my two breasts. My surgeon was able to do the banding and correct the hernia all through my belly button, but the hole at the top was for an instrument that held my liver out of the way. They reviewed my diet restrictions and I was home by 5:00pm. I ended up sleeping for almost three whole days, and even five days later, I am still wanting to sleep all the time.

I am thinking that at this point, I am just weak and tired from a lack of calories. It's really hard to only have 200-300 calories a day while you are healing from surgery. But I have to say, it is definitely getting easier. My best friend Kate came up with her girls to stay with me and help with my boys. She is such a God sent.

I have lost 14 pounds over the past six days and I am looking forward to what my future holds. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat, no regrets.

I'm Banded

I am signing in long enough to let everyone know that my surgery went fine. I had a moderate to severe hernia that had to be corrected, so I have a great cover story for those whom I chose not to share with. I will try to post some more tomorrow, but at this point it is still hard for me to sit up and type.

I'll be back soon.

Pre-op Admission Testing and Pregnancy

Today I had to go to my pre-op appt. at the hospital where my procedure will be preformed. When I entered the main entrance, I approached the information desk and asked the man where I needed to go. He gave me directions and I was on my way. I couldn't help but notice all the babies around me as I neared my designation, but that all made sense once I entered the pre-op room. There on the wall was a sign that said: Obstetric Pre-op. Yup. Obstetric. The information dude thought I was pregnant. I guess it's a good thing I am having lap-band surgery. My embarassment doesn't end there.

On my way out, I had to take en elevator back down to ground level. There was a nurse in the elevator whom immediatly complimented me on my shirt. She then went on to ask me if I had the baby yet. Really? Baby? Can you not tell the difference between a FAT person and a pregnant person? In an effort to not embarass her- enough of that had already gone on today- I told her, yes the baby had already arrived. She then went on and enquired about gender and name....etc. I provided the correct information for my youngest. How's that for going out with a banb? That had NEVER happened to me before. But, I guess if it were going to happen, a hospital would be the right place.

Besides all of that, the testing went fine. I found out that my surgery was moved up from 2:00pm to 10:20am. So, that's good. Just rip that band-aid off.

I really don't know how anorexics or bandsters do it folks. I am so hungry I could seriously capture, kill and eat a small animal right about now. AND this is only my FIRST day of fluids! Any advice bandsters? Are there any secrets that I need to know? My mother is going to have to prepare dinner this evening because I don't know if I can remember not to test taste a noodle- eating is such a habit.

Well, here I go everybody. My next post will be about my surgery experience. I am so nervous, excited, scared, and cranky all rolled into one!

I CANNOT BELIEVE IT

Well, it's official. I am scheduled for my surgery THIS Friday- the 28th of August. My very first visit was on the 4th of August. In 24 days I completed all of the paper work, lab work, radiology exams, psych evaluation, nutrition counseling, had my surgeon consultation, received approval from BCBS, went to the pre-op and then surgery. This has to be record time baby. Record time. This is quicker than going the Mexico route for sure.

I am still in shock. I woke-up this morning ready to settle in for a few months time while the process ran the course, but BAM! I heard that BCBS approved the surgery at 4:00pm and by 4:55 I was scheduled. I don't even know what to think. Luckily, my surgeon only requires one day of clear liquids- the day before surgery. (I just noticed I have hives. I must be more freaked out than I thought! I itch.)

I cancelled plans I had this evening and told my husband we were going out to eat- the "last supper" so to speak. I chose Outback. I am not sure why I chose Outback, but that was my choice. We settled in and ordered a Bloomin onion, dr. pepper, coke, salad, soup, bread, we each orderd a 16 oz. prime rib, I had steamed veggies and my hubby had fries. Words cannot explain the excitement I felt regarding my "last binge".

The blooming onion came- eh, it tasted pretty decent. My salad arrived- but the ranch dressing didn't taste the way I remembered. Then the prime rib, veggies and grilled shrimp. Veggies- yum. Prime rib- dry, tough and disgusting and it got sent back. The shrimp were pretty good. But all-in-all the dinner totally sucked. I had a brief moment were I couldn't help but feel greatly dissapointed about my "farewell" dinner. It was supposed to be supremely divine, an absolutely glorious memory to hold forever into eternity. Then it hit me.

The dinner sucked. My last BIG meal sucked. I was totally stuffed and grossed out by the whole experience. But, that was a good thing. I suddenly realized that my last memory of a huge meal was a bad one. Instead of going into surgery with the feeling that I won't ever be able to enjoy massive amounts of yummy food, I am going to realize that all that disgusting food left me feeling icky. It was NOT worth it. At all.

So, I feel like my sianora was a happy one after all. Farewell big meals full of ick. Hello small, healthy meals.

Waaaah. Boo. Hiss. With an UPDATE!

Today was my surgery consultation. I finally got to meet the surgeon, and he was wonderful.

However, to make a super-long story short.....his staff bites the big one.

Instead of being able to mark my calendar with my surgery date, I get to wait a few more weeks while his incompetent staff figures out how to do their jobs.

So I sit and wait, consumed with anxious anticipation I compare to waiting for my sons' births.

UPDATE:
At my appt. yesterday, I gave the surgeon an ear full regarding my experiences with his staff, apparently it helped my case quite a bit! I jut got a phone call from their insurance coordinator to say that they have already gotten the approval letter from BCBS!!!! Woo-hoo! I was also told that there had been a surgery cancellation for this Friday. THIS FRIDAY! Could you imagine? I will keep you all updated.

UPDATE x2:
The doctor's office just called and told me to eat nothing but clear liquids tomorrow because it looks like they can get me on the books for Friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As in the day after tomorrow. The day after tomorrow!!!!!! Oh my GOD.

Free Floater

I have known for quite sometime now that I need to find a new bathing suit. I have been wearing my maternity suit for almost four years. But, it's black, cute and covers my bodacious behind.

Last night, I had the privilege of hanging out with a few extra kiddos while their parents went to a concert. To kill some time, I took everyone to our pool- wearing of course my stretched out maternity suit. While I was jumping up and down and playing, I noticed that I had to keep pulling my suit up. Now, I don't know if my boobies have been shrinking because I don't nurse anymore, or if the two-tons of fabric were being weighted down by the water but the "girls" kept trying to escape.

I threw my one year old into the air and on his way down, my forearm felt some nipplage. Terrified, I looked down and sure enough one of the girls had proclaimed that they were a free boob. There she sat, bobbing in the water. I have no idea how long she was free, but the pool was quite crowded and the male life guard was staring right at me and there were tons of children around me.

Oh'well. I hope that I haven't left some poor pre-pubescent boy scarred for life.

$$$ ~Cha-Ching~ $$$

My friend Kate told me about a cool site call Swagbucks that actually rewards you for using their search engine. Like always I resisted, but since, I have signed up and it's pretty cool. With today's economy, and since you search the internet anyways, who couldn't use free stuff! Click here if you are interested in signing up, it's free! After earning swagbucks, you can redeem them for gift cards at restaurants, stores, Amazon...etc.

Also, there is a website called Southern Savers that does all the work for you when it comes to grocery store specials, freebies and coupons. Best of all, it's free! The lady that heads SS shows you how to save tons of money on groceries and maps out exactly what you need to do to save the most and get free stuff.

Have fun saving money!

Yikes!

After receiving an email that was supposed to show me some scary sweetness, I came across this site looking for the broken email links.

Click here to see how other foods/beverages "stack" up in sugar cubes.