Saturday, August 1, 2009

I have been feeling extremely anxious about my decision to look into the Lap-band surgery. I have pretty much been consumed with all possible scenarios. As a wife and mother of two, just going into surgery makes me a nervous wreck. The idea of surgery, for a worrier like myself, is a daunting one. But...I must move forward. Just having the hope that one day I will beat this makes me smile on a daily basis.

I have still been hearing off and on from my husband, "Why don't you just exercise everyday?". I cringe every time I hear it because it is so obvious. DUH. Why don't I just exercise everyday and eat less? It takes only a split second to say, and it is pure, unadulterated common sense. However, as easy as it is to say, doing it is something different entirely.

When I overeat, I become someone else. The relatively intelligent college grad that is inside my head somewhere checks out periodically while my split personality takes over to enjoy the sin of pleasure. It's like I don't even exist until the whole "ordeal" is over. And then the overwhelming self hate, regret and guilt sets in. I feel that having a tool, such as the band, will FORCE me to be held accountable and not check out. I won't have the option! I will HAVE to chew, chew, chew and pay very close attention to everything that goes into my mouth. I won't have the ability to totally tune-out.

I have heard many bandsters warn that you can overeat such things as ice cream, milkshakes...etc. I am not worried about that, because, fortunately I am not a big ice cream person. I can pass on a bowl of ice cream easily. So, I'm good in that aspect! Now, mashed potatoes are another thing- good thing we don't allow those at our dinner table anyways!

My first consult with the surgeon is this Tuesday, the 4th, and I am equally as excited as I am nervous. We still haven't heard back from BCBS yet, so fingers crossed.

7 comments:

Liz - Lizzle - Libby Lou said...

Awww, well I am a single mom to 2 boys so the week before surgery I got consumed w/ the fear that I would die on the table and leave my boys w/ no mommy. Really? Like die or be fat? I choose be fat. But I know personality well enough to know I fear change, I fear hard work. So I knew this was me coming up w/ scenarios that I knew would talk me out of it. But I bit the bullet, it was easy, and I was taking care of my kids full time w/ no help by day 3. Good luck!

Fat Daddy said...

Do what you know to be best for you. While there are risks with any procedure, living over-weight carries terrible risks all its own.

My thoughts are with you.

carla said...

cant believe the consult is tomorrow.

you have to do what you know it your heart is for you----just take copious notes so you can teach us about the risks/benefits as well.

Bandita Senorita said...

I know what you mean about the college grad checking out when you overeat. It's sad. :(

Good luck at your consult!

Brooke said...

Yep, I can totally relate to the check out when over eating.

I know it won't get me what I want. I know the outcome of weight gain will upset me. I know I'll feel shitty the next morning. But I still do it because that moment of pleasure (which is so quickly gone after the binge) seems so alluring in the moment.

So that's why I chose lapband, too. I want/need a physical barrier between me and that crazy side of me that eats too much despite knowing I hate doing it.

Angi said...

Hey, don't worry about mashed potatoes. They go down easier, but if you have good restriction, and you ate your protein first, then you can only eat so much of anything after that. So even potatoes will fill you up.

And definitely don't worry about the surgery. I only have one scar and the surgery went like a breeze. If you aren't a ton overweight and you'd done your presurgery diet, you should be fine. All surgeries have their risks, but this one isn't much more than having your tonsils out. You're in and out on the same day in most cases. :) Just do your research and find out the mortality rate with your chosen doctor. Mine had NEVER had someone die. And he'd done lots.

Kristina said...

Good luck Lynn! Im praying that this works for you and that you have great success with it! Let us know how it goes tomorrow!